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Can I Ask You Something?
Its funny how a question like "Can I ask you something?" or "Can we talk?" totally changes when you like the person who asks it. I know it does for me. Sigh. Because when Eric asks me that, a million thoughts swirl through my head. They're either absolutely amazing or something im not prepared for. Best case scenario; "Nicci do you like me? Because I like you.", or like "I've felt this way about you for a really long time...". Worst case; "Do you like me? Because I just want to be friends..." or anything else like that.
It can never be neutral. Even though in reality, it always is. He's just upset about something or wants an opinion. I don't mind. We're talking you know? But I'm always gonna think *After all this time, you still don't see me?*. I mean REALLY see me. That I'd be great for him.
When he wanted to talk this time though, I wish I would have refused. Oh god how I wish I would have said no.
"So you remember that girl Melody I told you about?"
*Melody, Melody...* I thought. *I thought she wasn't an issue. You haven't mentioned her in two weeks!* I felt a little thump in my chest.
"Well she and I are going out now." he said. With a stupid smile on his face. *You didn't use to think that smile was stupid did you Nicci?*
And it hit me. No, no it didn't hit me, it drop kicked me. In my chest, I felt my heart jump up and crash land. It was like it had belly flopped into my stomach, and now there was a gaping whole in my chest.
"Really!? That's great! When did this happen?". *Like I want the details of you with that..* And there he goes off on a rant about her and shows me a picture of her like I don't know what she looks like.
Couldn't he see in my eyes that I wasn't really happy? That I was trying not to cry or walk away from him while he was talking? She was not his type personality wise in the least. But apparently she looked the part.
I wanted to ask him so many questions. *Is it just because she's pretty? I've been told I'm pretty, but am I not your type of pretty? Did she pick up the phone one critical time I didn't? Did I EVER not pick up the phone?*
The sad thing, is that whether I said "No I can't talk." or "No you most certainly may not ask me something." at the end of the day, it still would have been him and her. He still would not have realized that all the jokes we went back & forth on and all the times we talked about our worries and all those long hugs I gave him, were supposed to mean something more. I was supposed to mean something more. But I didn't. And she did, for no real reason. No reason that I could ever figure out or aquire. And suddenly, the only question on my mind was "Who cares?"