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But- what do I know?

I smile. On the outside. I laugh. But its a hollow type of laugh. One that doesnt contain the joy as most real laughs do. I may seem happy, but thats because I can act. Well not really act in this case but lie, no that sounds too wrong. I can make believe. Thats what they tell little kids when they want them to lie but not know they are lying right? Yes. Well then, I am "making believe". And I am doing a great job. No one can notice the change at school, or atleast no one mentions it. At home no one can see the change either. Not even one of my best friends. Well he was one of my best friends. He is now one of the jerks who caused me to have to fake my smile and laugh when I dont want to be breathing. Why is it that the ones you love the most are the ones who end up hurting you the most? I wish I could say I will give him second chance, but second chances can only be handed out so many times. Too many times have I already given him grace. But that's what love is, right? Giving grace and forgiveness, 'Seeing an imperfect person perfectly', stuff like that? But the feeling should be mutual. He should apoligize and mean it. Or am I asking too much? For him to promise he will never do that wrong again and acutally keep his promise.
But what do I know? I was so stupid I fell in love with a boy who didn't fall as hard.





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