Wonder

By , York, PA
It is a curious thing--this reaction I have every single time my eyes light upon you. Irrational, to say the least. Combustible, to say the most. Or maybe combustible is not a strong enough word. Explosive? Implosive? Overtaking, like the raging of a wildfire through a bone dry forest? Engulfing--a tsunami, slamming over every logical thought and defense I have ever prided myself on maintaining? Is there any analogy that can truly describe how you make me feel?

These questions swirl through my mind when you aren’t near. I analyze them objectively. I try to logically understand why I cannot breathe around you. And sometimes--sometimes I fool myself into believing that I actually understand it. On a really delusional day, I convince myself that I can control it. Control myself.

And then you walk into the room.

My breathing stops, and then quickens. My heart pounds so hard in my chest that I’ll actually feel faint. Pupils dilate, pulse races, skin tingles, world narrows. All for you; all because of you.

Can you feel it? Can you sense the tension that coils inside me at the mere sight of you? Do you feel the heat blasting from my skin when you look at me with those depthless black eyes of yours? Are you aware at all?

Sometimes I dream about what it could be like. I dream of how it would feel to have you hold me. To have your skin in contact with mine. I imagine what your cool breath would feel like on my neck as you trailed kisses up to my lips. I wonder what sort of bliss I would experience if your beautiful lips touched my mouth, if your tongue tangoed with my own.

I wonder if I would go up in flames if you did.

I wonder who you are. What you like. What you don’t. What quirks you lay claim to. What expressions you play across your sculpted features.

But I stop wondering when I get that far. It is dangerous to wonder about the physical feelings you could provoke in me. But it is far more lethal to wonder about those things about you that I could grow to love.

It is so deadly to think about those things that have made me fall in love with you. Because no matter how I feel, after that moments glance from you, your world will go on without me--while mine will forever be paused in that eternal second of bliss where I could imagine that everything I needed was real.





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CLC93 said...
Jun. 16, 2010 at 7:12 pm

Good piece! :) I think a lot of people can relate to this! Keep up the good work.

 

 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 15, 2010 at 8:43 pm

Amazing!  Very vivid, emotional, enthralling.  Great job!  Keep writing!

Btw, will you check out and comment on my work?

 
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