Red as Coals, Black as Night Prologue | Teen Ink

Red as Coals, Black as Night Prologue

June 1, 2010
By OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch


Her feet pounded the streets made of the wide, aqua blue and purple rocks Afalia was famous for. As her urgent footsteps echoed around the narrow alley, she couldn’t have cared less about the beautiful rocks. She couldn’t care about anything but the nearly invisible sound of her pursuer’s footsteps, unheard unless you knew they were there.
As she rounded the corner, her heart stopped. She had come to a dead end. On her left and right were houses, in front of her was an immense, blue stone wall, at least twenty feet high, and behind her was the narrow alley her pursuer walked down calmly at that very moment.
She looked around frantically. There was nothing, nothing to move. The small corner was spotlessly clean and hopelessly empty, except for a few giant rats hiding in the shadows.
Then, all of a sudden, he was there. The man who had chased her all the way from the main square, six miles from here.
But was he a man? He was a giant, around nine feet tall. His entire body was covered by billowing robes. A large cowl obscured his face. But as she stared intently at his shadowed head, she saw something. Glowing like the brightest coals in a high-burning fire, pure red eyes shone through the blackness. They were so unerringly red, so impossibly bright…And then something else glinted in the darkness, something silver. A silver dagger with a beautiful, shining black hilt with a large sapphire embedded in it. He tilted the dagger so the waning, red and orange light glinted off the blade.
She screeched, eyes widening in terror. “What are you?” she cried hoarsely. The creature was advancing quickly. As a surge of fear swept through her, it occurred to her to try to move the rats. Suddenly, she felt a sharp, biting pain in her neck, and her vision began to grow hazy. Through the fog she saw three of the cat-sized rats flying at the creature, spitting their rage. It snapped its neck toward the rats and suddenly, they fell to the ground, mildly stunned. Once they had recovered, they scurried into the shadows. The shadows…
Cold breath, smelling of mint, meat, and smoke stung her burning cheek. His lips were mere inches from her ear. “Sorry ma’am,” he murmured, “Just doing my job.” And then, Ojilia passed into the peaceful oblivion of death.


The author's comments:
The prologue itself is not romance, but the story it is a prologue for is, so I categorized it as that.

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This article has 87 comments.


on Jul. 29 2010 at 9:53 pm
Mamonde PLATINUM, Seoul, Other
20 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Oh, I'm crazy to the bone."

Wow, you have an amazing gift for descriptions! This prologue grabbed my attention and made me wonder what would happen next.

on Jul. 29 2010 at 6:34 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks! :D

on Jul. 29 2010 at 6:27 pm
Robsessed PLATINUM, McKinney, Texas
23 articles 1 photo 199 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I may be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

"Did you know 'I told you so' has a brother, Jacob?" she asked cutting me off. "His name is 'Shut the hell up.'" - Bella Swan, Breaking Dawn

good prologue - very descriptive, but it still leaves you guessing.

on Jul. 24 2010 at 9:24 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks:)That was my intention, glad you understood.

on Jul. 24 2010 at 4:54 pm
sunnyhunny PLATINUM, Litchfield, New Hampshire
22 articles 3 photos 329 comments

Favorite Quote:
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
-Ghandi

You're right, it makes it start out in a mysterious light.  The reader understands her panic, yet does not know what's happening, and wants to find out who killed her and why!

on Jul. 22 2010 at 3:20 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thank you! I really appreciate the feedback.  She tried to move the rats in some effort to protect herself, although they really couldn't have done much.

deka9 said...
on Jul. 22 2010 at 11:56 am

You are gifted with descriptions, no doubt. I feel like I was in the pursue with Ojilia (creative name, by the way). However, be careful not to overdo it. Be concise like you have already done with your vivid verbs!

I love this :) Very good job! One question, why did she try to move the rats? To shield herself/distract the guy? Or...rats are important in later chapters? :)


on Jul. 20 2010 at 7:20 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks!  And actually it's not a romance, just a fantasy novel with romance in it, I tagged it wrong:(

Thorn BRONZE said...
on Jul. 20 2010 at 6:29 pm
Thorn BRONZE, Baltimore, Maryland
1 article 0 photos 100 comments
A great beginning. Although I don't usually read romance, for you I will.

on Jul. 14 2010 at 5:31 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thank you!  Glad you liked it.

reesha SILVER said...
on Jul. 14 2010 at 1:44 pm
reesha SILVER, Rawalpindi, Other
6 articles 15 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."
Walt Disney

"Hakuna Matata!"
Lion King

"The British policy was 'unite and conquer'. But I say 'unite and conquer'."
Greg Mortenson (Three Cups of Tea)

This was really great!! I'm definitely going to read the rest of the chapters!! 

on Jul. 13 2010 at 6:07 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thank you so much!  And it's funny, I'm was literally just reading your poem when you commented:)

on Jul. 13 2010 at 5:58 pm
sky_is_womb BRONZE, Moorestown, New Jersey
2 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
All the soarings of my mind begin within my blood- Rilke

wow i felt like i was right in the scene- now i definitely want to read more

on Jul. 12 2010 at 4:09 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks!  I thought that this part would be better written with Ojilia's thoughts and experiences than Jose's.

on Jul. 12 2010 at 12:26 pm
sunnyhunny PLATINUM, Litchfield, New Hampshire
22 articles 3 photos 329 comments

Favorite Quote:
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
-Ghandi

Great start to your story.  I like how it's from the girl's perspective instead of Jose's. 

on Jul. 11 2010 at 4:01 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks:)  

on Jul. 11 2010 at 3:03 pm
...PensiveGurl... PLATINUM, Aurora, Colorado
20 articles 0 photos 267 comments

Favorite Quote:
You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we're doing it- Neil Gaiman.
Who are you to be who you are?-Le'Na Pernell

i agree, now i'm really curious to read the rest of what you've posted. =)

on Jul. 10 2010 at 8:17 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks! I know the prolouge is confusing, but it's just supposed to grab the reader's interest and lead into the story.  Things will make more sense, I promise.

on Jul. 10 2010 at 8:08 pm
PorcelainShadow BRONZE, Lizton, Indiana
4 articles 6 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't hold your tongue, instead, hold your breath, and jump in"

this kind of confused me. but i understand what your doing here, and you have done it very well, as im very hooked and curious as to what is happening. although i think i have an idea(:

on Jul. 8 2010 at 8:54 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Haha thanks so much!  Since my novel is set in a totally different world, the names are pretty strange, lol.