My Life Is What I Like To Call Unpredictable (Chapter Eleven)

June 5, 2010
By , richmond, VA
I walked back to class quickly, practically flipping out, Bentley seemed to notice, “are you alright?” he asked me, seeing my wide eyes and the fact I was jumping in my seat.
“I’m fine,” I said, still bouncing.
I sent a silent prayer up to God, “please, oh please, let my baby be okay. I love her already.” I didn’t even doubt it was a her.
I then talked to my baby in the class silently all the way through, ignoring all the assignments, “baby you’ll be okay,” I coaxed in my brain.
It was only a little blood, if it was a lot, then I’d start worrying, not until then. Gosh, my head hurts, and my stomach too. Okay, I need to relax, everything will be okay if I just relax.
The bell rang and I walked quickly to Biology, my heart thumping wildly with the possibilities, I walked up to the teacher, completely ignoring Bentley, I whispered quietly, “you know about me, don’t you?”
“What about?” she asked with a careful, guarded expression.
“You know what I’m talking about. Me being… pregnant.”
She nodded discreetly, “why?” she asked, noting my stressed look.
“I.. I’m bleeding, but only a little. That’s not a major concern is it? And my head it’s throbbing, and my stomach is killing me.”
She nodded, “it is normal, but maybe you should go to a doctor, do you need to be excused?”
I shook my head, “only if it gets worse.”
She nodded again, and I went to my seat, I shook my head at Bentley who was gazing at me with questions in his eyes, “I can’t talk about it,” I whispered.
He seemed to understand. In the middle of class, I had to go throw up, and when I was through, I ran straight into Melanie. She looked a little pale, “hey,” she said breathlessly, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” she said.
I flinched back, and she smiled half-heartedly, “I don’t want to hurt you. I want to apologize. You were right, Joel’s a jerk, and I’m sorry he did this to you.”
I was so angry, I burst out, “don’t pretend you understand, Melanie. You’re little miss perfect, how could you possibly know what I’m going through?”
She hesitated, “I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but I do know that I was pregnant, when I was a junior,” she hesitated again, “I had a miscarriage,” she said slowly.
“Oh, oh, I’m so sorry, I’m just… worried. I’m sorry.”
She shook her head, “that’s over now. Don’t worry, it wasn’t Joel’s or anything like that. That would make it majorly awkward between us, but… I lost it, just the same. I lost him, I mean. It was a little boy, I found out a week before…”
Tears were rolling down my cheeks, I hugged her, “oh, I’m so sorry, Melanie!”
She hugged me back, surprised, but not upset, “it’s alright. I have long since grown over it. That’s why I’m still in high school you know, I was out of school for a long while.”
“Oh… hey, I don’t know if this is weird or not, but when you…” I hesitated, “when your little boy died, did you bleed a little or a lot? And did your head hurt? And your stomach?”
She shook her head, “you bleed a lot, trust me, and I don’t know if you’re far along enough yet, I don’t know much about parenthood, but I didn’t until was about three months or so. It was horrible,” she shuddered, “it’s probably your stress level. You can’t handle too much, the baby can’t take it.”
“Thank you so much,” I said. I really was thankful to her, “it means a lot to rest easy about my little girl.”
“How do you know?” she asked, surprised.
I shrugged, “I just do… Um, did you ever have… dreams while you were pregnant?”
She hesitated, “I did once, and it was of me bleeding a lot, and I didn’t understand it, the whole dream I cried and stared at my stomach, now I know it was a miscarriage, it scares me to see how eerily correct I was… why, did you have one?”
I shook my head, “not like that one, but I better get back to class before the teacher misses me.” She nodded and waved while I left feeling a lot better.
“You look better,” Bentley commented to me.
“I feel better,” I said back.
He smiled and squeezed my hand before returning to our work. The bell rang shortly after, and I walked with Bentley and then met him again at lunch.
We talked most of lunch, I ate a fruit salad, I didn’t want to hurt my baby. The rest of the day was a blur, I got the doctor’s number Chelsea had talked about briefly and set an appointment with them for the following day.
I waited in the parking lot for Bentley, he showed up and kissed me, “hey, babe.”
We talked for a little while, and then I left for home. I told Mom and Lillian about my doctor’s appointment, and I knew now that the doctor Chelsea had spoken of had been for Melanie. But that didn’t matter to me, anyway. I spent most of the day with Mom and Lillian watching movies, and relaxing.
I didn’t hear from Dad. I cried about that come night time. I slept in the next day, texted Bentley and told him I had a doctor’s appointment, and I went to the doctor’s.
It was different than normal appointments, well, duh. When they called me back, she gave me a type of test, and said that yes, I was definitely pregnant. I hate to repeat myself, but duh, again. She told me I had two months left to decide on whether I want to indeed have this baby. I told her I did, and that was the end of it. She told me the health risks, the factors of teenage pregnancy, and I just nodded along.
“I know everything that could happen, Doc, but I’m not going to kill an innocent life form, not on my account.”
She understood me, “okay,” she faced my mom and started telling her facts, also. Lillian smiled at me for support, and the doctor asked what would we do financially.
Mom interrupted me, “I have it covered.”
I nodded with her in agreement, and then threw Mom a sharp look when the doctor wasn’t looking. She nodded at me, and I took it as a “we’ll talk later.”
The doctor finished up, and we walked out with another appointment card for later that month.
“What do you mean you have it covered, Mom?” I asked when Lillian, Mom, and I were walking to the car.
She smiled at me, “I have money, sweetheart.”
“No offense, but how?”
“It was my retirement fund.”
My jaw dropped, “no way are you paying for my baby with your retirement money! I won’t allow it!”
She shook her head, “I don’t need it, Serenity, your dad gives me money.”
“Oh,” I said, flabbergasted. “Mom, I’m so sorry!” I cried.
She shook her head, “don’t be, it’s really not your fault, honey.”
Then why did I feel so bad? I just shrugged and got in the car, sitting in silence. Lillian reached over and patted my leg, “Serenity, everything’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”
I smiled at her, and thanked her.
“No problem,” she said, and then focused on the trees whipping by us.
I began thinking of Bentley, of everything he meant to me. I thought of everything that had happened over the past few weeks, and how in perfect irony, my life had been improved, very much so.
At that moment Bentley texted me, “how did today go?” it read.
I smiled at basically nothing, wondering if he had sensed me thinking about him, would that be weird? “It’s all good,” I responded.
He replied with a smiley face, and then I told him to have a good day.
“Can I come over tonight?” he replied to me.
I glanced over and Lillian, and then at Mom, would they be mad? Nah, I doubt it. “Sure, what time?”
“Midnight, if that’s okay. I have dinner with the parents and homework.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then. But knock on my window, okay?”
He sent a smiley face again with “okay” at the end.
I closed my phone, and leaned back, closing my eyes. Mom stopped a few minutes after that at an ice cream parlor, “I thought you guys might want some ice cream,” she said.
I nodded with gratefulness, “thanks, Mom.”
She smiled, “you’re welcome, honey. What do you want?”
“Um…” I got out of the car, ran over to a trash can and threw up, before responding. “Um, a small water, and chocolate cone.”
She stared at me for a moment, pushed my hair out of my face, and then nodded quickly. I sat back in the car with Lillian, “you okay?” she asked me quietly.
I nodded, “thanks for being here. I know I’ve probably already said that, but it really means so much to me for you to be here with me.”
She smiled at me, “it’s all good, I missed you, too, you know.”
I laughed. “You know you’re my best friend, right?”
She nodded, “you’re mine.”
I smiled, “when do you have to go back?”
“At the end of the week, Mom will freak if I miss more than a week of school.”
I laughed, “tell her I miss her, too.”
She laughed loudly, “you know she always says how much she misses you.”
I grinned, “good. I’ve always wanted to have a positive effect on someone.”
She smiled, “yeah, well, you’ve had it on two people that I know of.”
I beamed, “aw, thanks.”
She smiled, and we quieted as Mom got in the car, handing us our ice cream. I ate mine slowly, and finished before we got home. The rest of the day was mostly uneventful. Mom, Lillian, and I watched movies all day, and the sad ones were extra sad for me because I was very emotional.
When eleven rolled around, I yawned and told them I was going to bed. They nodded, and Lillian said she’d sleep in the guest room, giving me a knowing look. Had she looked through my phone? Or did she just know me that well?
I smiled at her, and then walked in my room. I got changed into my pajamas, shorts, and a tank top, and then sat down on my bed. I pulled out my laptop for a little while, researching some more things, to see if there were any extra precautions I should take.
Bentley knocked on my window at eleven thirty, “sorry I’m early,” he said, grinning, making my heart pound a mile a minute.
I smiled, and stepped back so he could climb in, “it’s okay, I don’t mind.”
I went over to my bed, closed my laptop, and then he sat down beside me. He took in my appearance, “you look lovely,” he said.
I laughed quietly, “um, thanks, but you really don’t have to say that. I know I don’t.”
He grinned, and kissed me, “I think you do.”
I shook my head, “whatever.”
“So, what did the doctor tell you?”
“Oh, a bunch of stuff, mostly stuff I already knew. You know.”
He nodded, “I researched it myself.”
I stared at him, “why?”
“I want to help you the best I know how.”
I smiled up at him, “you are way too good for me, Bentley.”
He shook his head, “nah, I just care about you, a lot.”
I took his hand and intertwined my fingers through his, and then, without much reason I started crying. He looked at me bewildered, and squeezed my hand, “what’s wrong?”
I took breaths between sobs, “I’m… scared… I… won’t be… a good… mom! I’m afraid that my daughter’s going to wake up one day and see what a horrible person I am!” I wailed, as quietly as I could.
He threw his arms around me, “oh, babe, that could never happen! You’re one in a million, and I’m sure that she’ll realize that!”
I sniffled and took a deep breath, and then I put my arms around him as well, “what if I mess up, Bentley?”
He kissed my head, “you won’t.”
“But I already have, I mean, who’s to say that I won’t mess up worse?”
“Babe, there’s no guarantee, but I promise you that I will be there for you and him or her, whenever you do. You’re going to be one of the best moms ever.”
“What if I die, Bentley?”
He let go of me, and then stared at my face for a moment, “did the doctor tell you something, Serenity?”
“No, no. It’s just… there’s always that chance, you know?” I said, darting my eyes away from him. Truth be told, I was still a tad bit worried about that dream I’d had not too long ago.
He smiled at me, touching my heart like he always did, “you’ll be fine, love.”
“I know this is kind of soon, but… I love you. I feel like I need to tell everyone how I feel about them, and I want you to know that I love you. That you’ve made my life so much better since you entered it. You are the only person that I can see myself waking up next to for the rest of my life.”
He put his hand on my face, and his thumb rubbed my cheek gently, “Serenity, I love you too, and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”
I smiled and took his hand from my face, and kissed it softly, “you don’t have to prove it to me, when I already know,” I said softly.
“I want to, Serenity, I want to show you everyday that I couldn’t love anyone more than I love you.”
I smiled at him, “the future is unwritten, Bentley, but I don’t think I could love anyone more than I love you, either.”
He kissed me on my lips softly, making my heart shatter into a million pieces because it was so filled with everything I was feeling, and I put my arms around his neck lightly. And we just kissed for a while, and it was the sweetest thing I’d ever done.
When we stopped to breathe, his arms were around my waist, “please don’t ever leave me, Serenity.”
I swallowed nervously, “I’ll try, Bentley.”
He smiled at me, and then kissed me again, he made a noise in the back of his throat, and laid down, bringing me with him.
I smiled and kissed him a little more, and then laid my head on his chest, he put his arms around me. “This is what it should always be like, Serenity,” he whispered.
I smiled at him, “should you be getting home? It’s a school night, you know.”
He laughed, “Mom and Dad are asleep, they won’t notice I’m gone.”
“Oh, you’re going to be tired in the morning,” I whispered.
He smiled, “I won’t mind. Unless, you’d like me to sleep here? We don’t have to do anything.”
“We’ll get in trouble,” I said softly.
“Nah, you’re already pregnant, not much else you could do.”
I didn’t take offense to that like most people would have, I laughed, “true. Okay, you can stay here,” I said, smiling at him.
He grinned, and then kicked his shoes off, he turned over on his side, taking me with him. I laid against him, and then turned my head to kiss him goodnight. He smiled, and then I turned back over and went to sleep quickly.

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