Dear You...

May 14, 2010
Dear You,

I know this sounds really weird. I know that after I say this you probably won’t talk to me ever again. But I have to say it, you know? It’s like…maybe I can’t deal with the fact that I’ll leave you never knowing the truth. Never even having a shot at it.

Do you know that I watch you? Not like in the stalker way… not really. Just sometimes, I’ll stare at the back of your head as it dives in and out of the sea of people, but instead of you gasping for air as you come back, I’m the one searching for the air your hairline stole from me. Isn’t that pathetic? Isn’t that just sad?

You’re probably laughing right now. You’re laughing like you always do. You laugh at me, at that dorky kid who is in our class who follows you around, you laugh at my jokes. I love your laugh. I love the way your nose scrunches up into folds of skin as you do. I love how your eyes light up their deep, vibrant blue. I wonder if you love anything about me, even notice the difference of how I laugh when I’m with you.

But we always set up those stupid pretenses. You know, the “I hate you”s that we throw at each other. The glares. The stabs at the other. Just to tease. Just out of fear of each other finding out maybe we care. Maybe we have hearts. Maybe I love you.

Sometimes, at night, I’ll just dream even though I’m wide awake. I’ll sink into the fantasy of you hearing my pleas of love to you. And just when I think you’re going to do one of your adorable, mocking laughs, you pull me close and kiss me. I don’t know why but, in my mind, your lips always taste like lemonade and cookies. Like summer. Like freedom.

But does it even matter? After all my dreams, my heartache over you, my dreams about possibilities of being with you, I’m the one leaving. And I don’t even know if that hurts you. I don’t even know if you care. I don’t even know when you say you’re glad I’m gone, if you really mean it. Because, truth be told, sometimes- a lot of the times- I think maybe you love me too. Maybe when you stare at me, it’s not because I’m just that hideous as you say. Maybe it’s because you like me, you think I’m cute, you dream about me too. Maybe all of your cruelties and teasing is just a façade, just to block the truth from my grasp…just to drive me mad.

I’m leaving. And more than likely, I’ll never see you again. You’ll move on to find new girls, no doubt. And I’ll, no doubt, move on to other guys that drive me batty. But I often wonder if I’ll ever forget you. If, even on my dying bed, if someone said your name, would I quickly sink back into my fantasies of old…?
At least know this: That I think I love you. I don’t know, I’m a skeptic, but I really think I do. And even though I’ll love someone else eventually, and you will too, you’ll always be my measuring stick. And I’ll always try to find someone better than you. The minute I find that, I know he’s the one. Problem is that I’m scared.

Because even with my wild imaginations, I can’t even create a fantasy anyone better than you.

Yep, I love you. No doubt about it. I love you.

I wish I didn’t.


Join the Discussion

This article has 15 comments. Post your own now!

laughingforeverK said...
Sept. 26, 2011 at 6:59 pm
This is really cute. It really isn't that crazy to feel that way...I don't care what people say...Thats real.
sunnyhunny This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 29, 2010 at 7:12 pm
This is really cute.  I have to say its not as origainal as your other pieces but I still love the tone of it. It gives it some nice personality.
MercedesXO said...
Aug. 13, 2010 at 12:11 am
i really enjoyed this:) i'm always so confused about love aswell. i always question myself, and i'm a HUGE skeptic as well. but i love the honesty, and the way you question yourself, but in the figure it all out and know for sure what it is you are feeling:) great work.
ForeverknownasCheyenne said...
Aug. 3, 2010 at 12:51 pm

I on the other hand, disagree with Inherinerd. I dont think it is cliche' at all. It was filled with real raw emotion, and i dont know if you realized this, but i like how the ending where "Me" finally admits she loves Him, then she sign it "Love,


& it kind of sounds like she is asking him to love her...Does that make sense? it sounds like she is saying Love me. Almost wishing he would love her like she does him..Anyways, i do really like this.

sleeplessdreamer replied...
Aug. 3, 2010 at 9:03 pm
I wrote this for a boy. We had a similar relationship as this. And in my inspiration, I was begging him to feel the same. You nailed it. Thanks for the feedback.
mysterywriter11 replied...
Sept. 1, 2010 at 11:54 pm
I often wonder myself, since I'm moving away to college next fall, if my high-school sweetheart will remember me or does he still hate me? guys are so wierd
Inherinerd said...
Jul. 27, 2010 at 3:14 pm
I really like your wirting and the only thing that you could consider fixing is that it is a little cliche. But it is still very good and i liked how you made it like a letter.
xovanillatwilightxo This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 25, 2010 at 10:49 pm
Amazing <3 I can relate haha it seems whenever I like a guy I manage to screw up our non-existent relationship somehow and we act like we hate eachother or whatever. It sucks. I really liked this though and I love your writing voice haha. Please check out my work I would really appreciate it =]
JohnWallOfTheWizards said...
Jul. 24, 2010 at 10:42 pm
Thats strange, I posted a comment on here a month ago. huh I guess it is not there. I like this you really created a nice walk in character. it reminds kind of like twilight. the tyoe oif character you can step into that persons shoes. It is vague yet at the same time detailed. The thing that makes it better than stephanie meyer's trah is that this has personality, meaning, and a hope of developing uncliched plot. :D
A_Dreamer said...
Jul. 17, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Ohmygosh, this is AMAZING. I can't believe this hasn't been published, or at least commented on more. I LOVE THIS STORY. Very heartfelt, touching, sincere sounding. Good job! :)
banangela29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 30, 2010 at 2:02 pm
Oh, my. This was stunning. I must admit, I expected it to be one of those boring cliche stories, but it definitely impressed me. Wonderful job.  If you get a chance, take a look at some of my work :)
Evelyn said...
Jun. 17, 2010 at 5:15 pm
thnx for commenting on my poem a while ago! this piece is beautifully written! i absolutely love it! you are so deep and show so much about yourself in your writing. Continue on! :)
sparkofheart said...
May 25, 2010 at 4:40 pm
That is reallyyy sweet :)
Whylime replied...
Jul. 23, 2010 at 6:12 pm
im favoriting this.. this should be published in the mag... you no wats annoying? they always publish junk in the mag.. not to offend.. raw emotion with wordss, thats the only way to describe this. LOVE IT.. wish i could write like that... (:
Whylime replied...
Jul. 23, 2010 at 6:13 pm
oh but at first i thought this was in a guys point of view.. i kind liked it better that way... haha mostly becuase it made me wish guys could actually be that sensitive.. hahahaha
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