I'm Sure I'm In Love Now

April 28, 2010
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When I was five I met this extraordinary person. We were both young and had no clue about different genders; we thought we just looked different. Her name was May and what a beautiful name at that. At first sight, I knew I saw something unique. I asked my mother if she believed in angels. She replied no but I didn't believe her. The same unfortunate year my grandfather Paul passed away; the same man who fanned me in the summer heat when there were no air conditioners. The next day in school I broke out in tears in front of May. I felt weak, I wanted to kill myself. She took one look at my stained face and wiped the tears off with heavenly grace. May then stuck her hands out and embraced me tightly and simply said no. I felt a rush of adrenaline in my heart. Love was obscure back then and perhaps it was foolish but I was five and looking back, I swear I was in love.

Only one year later, on my sixth birthday, I witnessed my first account of actual violence. My father became outraged at a typical and stupid matter. My mother bruised and bled but she didn't want me to take account of this memory. My father threatened divorce and I tried intervening. He pushed me aside, on my sixth birthday. Days after I realized that his threat was reality. May was extremely good at realizing when someone felt down. In a gentle voice she asked me if anything was wrong. There was no way I could've resisted that voice. I told her everything.
She looked at me with her ocean blue eyes and tear fell down her tender cheeks. I wiped it away with my rough finger and told her not to worry about me. Till this day I never understood why but she cried a river on my shoulders.
I was only six, not much older than five, but I swear I was in love

In a flash of light both of us became older; we were fourteen. We couldn't stay young and naive any longer. While I stayed idle and simply focused on school, May found a significant other. When I met Steven I envied him. For three weeks I felt trapped in the ninth circle of Dante's hell. Reality snapped back into me two months later but that didn't stop May from asking me about my random tantrums and silence. She confronted me and demanded the truth.
"I'm worried about College" I replied
She stared at me, unconvinced, and walked away.
At fourteen I thought perhaps it was slightly justified to declare myself in love.

Graduation rolled around and despite both of us experiencing our sky highs and rock bottoms, we never made it anything pass friendship. Its funny. When we broke up with our partners we would always comfort each other.
We were going to different colleges. I was headed towards Boston while she headed towards Chicago. It was now or never right?
Slowly I gathered my courage and approached her, covered in the typical blue gown. But it didn't matter, she made anything look absolutely gorgeous.
"Hey" I said
"Hey! Can you believe we're actually graduating? We've been through so much, since we were five." May replied
"Yeah. Time together just never seems quite enough" I said. Then I paused
"Hey... May?? There's something important I've been wanting to tell you." I said as my heart pounded like an angry gorilla pounding his chest
"Uh yeah sure, what is it?" she questioned
"I really..." but i stopped. I couldn't do it. I stared at her face as her beauty radiated through the entire graduation room. Sweat dripped down my face as I digressed from my plan.
"I really want to wish you luck in College." I finally said
"Oh... yeah, thanks. You too" she said, disappointed and she walked away.
That was that. It was unbearable.
Did I really still love her? If I did, shouldn't I have been able to tell her?
After graduation, we stopped talking.

I'm twenty five years old now. For seven years I prayed that one day May would come back.
And so she did, like she always did.
Yesterday was a blessed day. While randomly walking through my daily commute I saw her. There was no way I could've forgotten her angelic features. Feeling more confident than ever I approached her.
Dinner tomorrow sure sounded nice.
I'm done. Done with hiding in my tortoise shell. Done hiding behind a cocoon.
The word tomorrow has been echoing through my head the entire day.
Oh and in case you were wondering.
I'm sure I'm in love now.

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