played out in my head | Teen Ink

played out in my head

April 19, 2010
By babigerl1194 PLATINUM, Margaretville, New York
babigerl1194 PLATINUM, Margaretville, New York
23 articles 10 photos 155 comments

Favorite Quote:
wat doesnt kill you only makes you stronger


“what are you staring at?” you asked. I was staring at you. “I’m thinking” I replied. it was true but the next question was never expected. “about what?’ you asked. there was a long pause, how could I ever tell you what I am thinking. I cannot even admit it to myself or my friends. By law of nature I sold you a “nothing” and you were satisfied with an awwww. then I couldn’t take it any longer, only I beat around the bush, something I never really do. “do you love her?” I had to ask. figures you’d answer with a question “who?” huh. you know. but this is one conversation you’d rather not have, not now, not ever. but I’m persistent, and once I start I don’t ever stop. “your girlfriend?.” I said in a dead voice to hide all the emotion. I guess the question is more of are you capable of love?! but that’s quite rude, even for me. I knew you’d give me the look you gave me. the one like do you really wanna go there? the one with emotion so passionate I fell so hard for. the lack of the L word isn’t coincidental even strangers vibe off of us and can see the chemistry. even strangers can see through my thin wall that only fools myself. they all know I’m not over you. perhaps I never will.



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This article has 6 comments.


on Aug. 13 2010 at 2:37 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

No problem. I really loved your poetry. You are a natural born poet and I can tell that's where you really feel the most connected to your work. Thanks for checking out my stuff!

 


on Aug. 13 2010 at 12:17 pm
babigerl1194 PLATINUM, Margaretville, New York
23 articles 10 photos 155 comments

Favorite Quote:
wat doesnt kill you only makes you stronger

Well i almost tore it apart to make it like a poem but i didn't know how. though im glad you said i sound like a poet becuase it is poetry that i like most. and thank you for the feedback i appreciate it when people tell me the things to fix and are harsh. now im on my way to check you out! :)

on Aug. 12 2010 at 9:38 am
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

This needs some work. I think you are a poet at heart, because your writing reads like a poem. There's nothing wrong with that, but I recommend better grammar and separate this story into paragraphs. It's a good story, just make it easier for the writer to read with better grammar. 

Check out my work if you ever get the chance! I would really appreciate it. 


a.m.f BRONZE said...
on Jul. 24 2010 at 6:42 pm
a.m.f BRONZE, Gainesville, Florida
3 articles 12 photos 97 comments

Favorite Quote:
"God never shuts a door unless he opens another."

I really like it but it'd be so much easier for the reader if you started different paragraphs when someone else is talking.

on Jul. 13 2010 at 6:45 pm
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 431 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

Very meaningful, I love it! :) I could definitely tell there was a bunch of emotion in this piece!

on Jul. 13 2010 at 5:52 pm
sky_is_womb BRONZE, Moorestown, New Jersey
2 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
All the soarings of my mind begin within my blood- Rilke

i really liked this- good job! it was short but to the point, and were really able to capture the emotion


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