NASHVILLE, TN--A 9th grade girl, who has asked to remain anonymous, is reported to have finally admitted to liking her best male friend.

The girl’s friends suspected as much, frequently commenting on how she should “ask him out already, geez.” The girl—we’ll call her Geraldine—would just shake her head. One of Geraldine’s female best friends remarked that Geraldine was always unwilling to speak about her male friend around her female friends. “She would just say that she liked him. Well not ‘like’. Like the regular ‘like’, not ‘like’-like. We all knew that she, like, ‘like’-liked him, it was so obvious.”

When one of Geraldine’s teacher’s was asked to comment on the exciting news, he displayed little interest or understanding in the matter; “Pardon? I’m not sure I understand. So she likes him? She didn’t like him before? I thought they were friends?…Oh, she did like him. Well what was the problem?…What do you mean, ‘like-like’? Is that different from plain old ‘like’? That’s so confusing. Back in the early 60s…[500 words cut due to lack of space]…and we got married three weeks later.”

Geraldine’s public confession reached the ears of her male friend in what must have been seconds, and he immediately admitted that he too “like-likes” his BFF. “It won’t be much different,” the boy says when asked to comment on how the new couple’s relationship will change. “It’ll be pretty much exactly the same, except now we can make out.”

Just because the initial excitement of the blossomed relationship has begun to die down doesn’t mean all related discussions are over, however. For example, debates over whether or not the couple should tell their moms have only just commenced.

This is obviously a momentous occasion for friends of Geraldine and much of the student body. Many faculty members also recognize its significance and relevance. If any one has comments or encouraging sentiments that he or she would like to deliver to Geraldine and her new beau, slip a note inside locker #264 anytime during the four weeks (all notes sent after this time will be discarded—their relationship won’t last more than a month).