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The Day I Lost My Trust

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I lost many things in my life. I’m honestly not the most organized person. But I guess that is OK. When I can’t find something then I don’t need it. That is my personal opinion. The only problem with it is that many people don’t understand that especially the teachers when I can’t find my homework. “You need to get organized or you will fail in life, Katja” they say and shake their heads. “One day you will lose your head” my parents say but I don’t care. It is just the way I am.
But all this changed when I lost my trust in others.

I was in a Zoo with my boyfriend. He was my one and only and I was his at least he said so. He was the first guy who ever really talked to me and I was in heaven the day he did.

It was a sunny day that day and this really popular guy who everybody was in love with even the teachers came towards me and my friend. My friend had a crush on him and secretly I had too but I never said it. The sun was reflected in his dark black hair and his blue eyes were glowing. On that day he wore a plain white T-shirt and blue jeans with white tennis shoes. He was the smartest guy in school and the best looking too. He was a senior that means he was two years older than me. Colleges were fighting to get him but no one knew what he wanted to do. He was athletic, good in math and English and could speak six different languages: English, Spanish, French, German, Chinese and Latin. I think in the moment he was working on Greek.
I was reading my AR book when he came towards us. The birds were singing and the nearby river reminded everyone at summer. The book I was reading was Harry Potter the fifth one but just because that was the only one I could find in my bookshelf. I planned on reading the last one but like I said I’m not organized.
That special day when I met my boyfriend it was study hall and everybody decided to go outside and do their homework in the sun. The teachers were OK with it because they were eager to be in the sun too. First I wanted to work on math were I’m honestly behind but I couldn’t find it and so I thought I will just read my AR book. It was the hour before lunch and we could smell the cooking food, pizza, and a lot of us grew hungry. I didn’t plan on eating at school until I realized I forgot my lunch so I had to eat pizza.
I was totally into the book and didn’t realize anything around me until my best friend slapped my arm and pointed to the guy. She was totally hyper and I guess I blushed a little but could hide that I was exciting.
The popular guy stopped in front of us. “Hi” he said. Not more just that. My friend totally flipped out and said a lot of stuff what doesn’t made sense but I didn’t pay attention to her. I was caught in the blue eyes that looked down on me. “Hi” I said as cool as possible. The guy smiled than he said down next to me and looked down on my book.
“What are you reading?” he asked. My friend looked a little bit startled but then she saw my chance and left to talk to someone. I wanted to call after her but she was gone already. “I’m Mike” the guy said.
“Katja” I answered. Sure I was glad that he talked to me but I didn’t know what else to say so I just answered his first question. “Harry Potter. The fifth one.”
“Oh.” Pause, then “Do you want to go to a movie with me?”
I thought for a moment. “Sure” I said.
“Tomorrow evening at seven? By the theatre?”
“Yes, that would be nice.” The bell rang and he stood up.
“See you then, Katja.” And he left.

That was our first date and I thought I totally ruined it because I came late and we had to go to this really boring kid’s movie but after the first date was a second and a third. Today we were together for a year.
“I really love the elephants. They are just amazing.”
“Hmhm.” I didn’t really like elephants. They are too big and slow but of course I didn’t say that.
“What is your favorite animal, Katja?” Mike was really eager to give me my best day ever or so he said. But I had my head on other stuff like math.
“I don’t know. I guess I like bears.” Honestly I loved bears because I just thought they were amazing. They were slow but they loved their children. Normally they aren’t aggressive but they knew how to defend themselves. And they were organized.
Mike smiled his special smile. His smile that always makes me feel warm from the inside. His eyes smiled too but I knew him too good. He had planned something. But it wasn’t time yet to tell me. “Come” he said and took my hand. I smiled back at him and he gave me a kiss. I really loved him and he really loved me.
A while we walked through the Zoo paid more attention to each other than to the animals. Finally we seemed to be on his planned destination because he stopped. “Wait here for a second” he smiled and went inside the building were we stopped. Reception, said the sign. About two minutes later he came back outside and smiled his mysterious smile.
“What?” I asked him excited but he didn’t answer. Just stood there and smiled at me. About a minute later an older woman came outside the building and towards us.
“Hi. I’m Margret and Mike’s Aunt. You must be Katja?”
Totally surprised I shake her hand. “Eh yes, I’m Katja” I said and looked to Mike who just smiled.
“I have a surprise for you. Mike asked me for it. Officially I’m not supposed to do this but you are making Mike so happy so…” I probably looked totally dumb while I was standing there but Mike just took my hand and smiled. “You will like it I promise” he said and gave me another kiss. Now totally convinced I followed his lead happy that he was mine.
A few minutes later we stood in front of a big building with dark windows. “This is the bear’s house” Margret said. “You…” But Mike finished her sentence. “We get to feed the bears” he called.
Now I was really surprised. Questioning I looked to Margret who smiled quietly to Mike who seemed to be really excited. “Really?” I still couldn’t believe it. I always wanted to be near a real bear and know I got the chance. Mike nodded.
A few minutes later we were both ready armed with fish and berries and meat. I shivered for excitement and Mike too seemed to be nervous. Margret opened the door and slowly we walked inside the locked door made us feel like we walked in a trap. Nervous I grabbed my boyfriends hand and he almost seemed to be happy that I was there with him.
And then we saw him. The first bear. It was the mother bear and two little cubs were standing by her side. Their mother was big, bigger than I thought she would be and she started snarling. Mike carefully went big a few steps but I hold out a fish with the hope she would leave us alone but we must have got her on her bad day because with a snarl she jumped towards us. The she hit me with her paw while Mike blacked out. With a scream I flew at the wall. I started feeling dizzy and my head hurts and then everything went black.
I woke up in the hospital. Mike and my best friend were sitting on each side of my bed. Mike was crying and even my friend wept. I could see it in their faces and felt terribly sorry but before I could say anything everything went black again.
When I woke up again it was dark but I felt finally awake. I looked out for my Mike and my best friend but could see only her. She was sleeping on the chair. I reached out my hand to wake her up but in that moment Mike came in the room. I didn’t know why but I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him right now. I didn’t want to listen to his apology. And so I played sleeping.
Mike looked down to me and I felt that he was sorry but not for the bear accident. He was sorry for something else. Carefully I opened my eyes a little but he wasn’t standing next to me anymore. He stood on the other side now next to my best friend and woke her up carefully. With sleepy eyes she looked up to he and new tears came into her eyes. But she wasn’t crying for me she was crying for their secret.
“When do we want to tell her?” she asked quietly and so forced me to open my eyes a little bit wider.
“When she feels better” Mike answered and moved closer to her. I didn’t know what exactly happened but a second later Mike and my best friend laid in each other arms and kissed. It was just a few seconds then my friend pulled away. “It will break Katja’s heart” she whispered. Mike nodded.
“I know but we can’t do anything against our feelings.”
“I feel sorry for her.”
“I do too.” Then they left the room, with their hands tight together. Tears rose in my eyes and I started crying as soon they were out of my sight. My boyfriend, the guy I loved the most, betrayed me with my best friend while I was in the hospital. When I thought about it even that was his fault. Why didn’t he make sure it was safe? And why did he run away when I needed him the most?

Three days after I came out of the hospital, the house that had marked my life. I quit my friendship with my best friend and broke up with Mike before he could do it. I even talked to my parents and we moved to a town far away.
I became organized. I still don’t know what college Mike will attend. I moved before he got his answer. I became a workaholic for school. I belonged to one of the best in my senior class. Everybody liked me. I was athletic and good in school. I became Mike in my own way. I just had a few friends and it took until my sophomore year in college to trust enough to find a new boyfriend. I lost my trust in people.





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MaskedCellist This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 6, 2010 at 12:49 am
Great story! I'm surprised Katja became organized so quickly, but I guess it makes sense when she was hurt so badly. Anyway, I thought it was enjoyable, and heartbreaking to read.
 
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