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“Belen! Belen! Wake up, it’s a dream! It’s just a dream… Please…”
And then I wake up. I blink the sleep away from my eyes, but I do not yawn. I sob. And this is not sleep I am rubbing from my eyes; they are tears. I am shaking, but as I shake, I feel another body centimeters from mine. Embracing me. Stroking my hair. I pull away from the embrace. I look at the face of the body that is cradling me. The face has tan colored, but fair skin. The eyes are a breathtaking blue, and they glow at me. They are so innocent; capable of no harm. The eyebrows are raised in a way that makes it look like the owner is worried. The mouth is a set line, but dipping down a bit at the edges: a frown. I blink and blink at the face, and then I blink some more. The mouth on the face moves again, and I catch the words as best I can. I am stunned by the face. It is so beautiful. The mouth continues moving and, now, I hear it closely.
“Belen! Belen…” It knows my name. Strange. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this face before. It’s a man. And he’s strong. And he’s holding me. And he is beautiful. I blink and blink again.
My mouth forms some words. “Who are you?” Beautiful. Strong. Innocent. The man looks at me like I have just gone nuts. He blinks just like I do and then opens his beautiful mouth again. The words come pouring out like water from a faucet.
“Belen, it’s me: Alejandro? You there? Your dreams, or nightmares or whatever they are, are really starting to concern me. You wake up almost every night, screaming. You’re shaking and covered in sweat. It’s scaring the hell out of me. Belen, you need to get some help for this. I mean it.”
The beautiful, strong, innocent man’s name is Alejandro. His skin is tan but fair, and it feels like marble. His eyes are breathtakingly blue, and they glow at me. They’re so innocent. His mouth is a set line, but a little frown is there, too. He is holding me, stroking my hair, telling me it’s going to be okay. He is my best friend, and he wants me to get some help for my nightmares. Kazuya, Alejandro. Innocent. I remember clearly now.
“It’s—It’s—it’s nothing, I—I can handle it. I’m fine. It won’t happen again…” I say to him. I look into his innocent eyes, and at his strong body, and then everything goes white and I‘m back in the room that the man in my dreams and I meet in, every time we met. The one chair is only occupied by me and the man in my dreams walks around, around the room, and if he had a face, instead of the white block question mark where the facial features should be, it would be contorted into a thinking expression. He walks over to me again, like he always does. I wait for the blow. No, not from his arms and hands, not this time. I wait for what he tells me to do next. I am the weakest pawn on his chess board, and he is the champion. Free to move me as he pleases. And then everything is silent, and I hear my voice again, and then I hear his voice again.
Alejandro Kazuya, he says, I say, exactly what purpose does he serve in this world? He never forces, never pushes, and does not shove… a pawn, just like you… You will get rid of his innocence… I do not care how you do it; I want him just like you. A pawn; mandated by me to do my dirty work, my chores… Capture him, train him, bring him here, and I will continue with the rest…
I stare at the man in my dreams and cannot believe he wants me to do such a thing. How can I do that to my first and only love? My best friend?
“…Belen, please…” I hear him say when I finally snap back.
The room looks a bit darker than before. Alejandro’s pale but fair skin seems to glow in spite of the growing darkness. I hug him as hard as I can and bury my face in his chiseled, marble chest. I secretly, silently let tears roll out of my eyes, lying to him without any words. Those tears were betraying my words hitherto: I am not all right. I need help.