The Heartbreak Only Felt by a Teenager

March 19, 2010
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I can still feel myself smiling. I can still feel the warmth that spread through my body after you talked to me. I can still feel the flutters in my stomach, soul and heart. I can still hear your voice in my ears, your gaze on mine, how you were only one desk away.

I feel myself now walk off the bus, but I don’t really feel the steps that should be under my feet or the decent I know that my feet should be making. Because I am not really there. I am flying high through the clouds as my body walks towards my house. Outside, I am calm, cool and collected. But inside I am smiling so big it would touch my ears and am screaming so loud that it would make even the deaf hear.

I feel myself put the key in the lock, turn and walk into my house. I think I say hi to my mom sitting in the living room, but even now I’m not so sure if I said anything at all. I know my feet are walking down the hall, I know they turn left and walk into my room. I feel my fingers on the cool, smooth wood of my door as I close it shut behind me.

I can sense my arm reach over to my desk and turn on the radio, 93.3. I feel my knees bending as I slide down the frame of my door to sit on the ground. My head leans back and I finally let the giddy smile creep onto my face. “Two is better than One” quietly plays.

*Maybe it’s true-ooooh / I can’t live without you / And maybe two-oooh, is better than one…*

I think my heart is still beating, but my body is numb and I barely think straight. My soul has jumps out of my skin and is doing a happy dance around my room, that I’m sure if could be seen would resemble some type of Irish jig. My brain is still filled with the image of you.

*You’ve already got me coming undone. / Maybe two is better than one…*

And that is so true. You have me bursting apart at the seams and you have my heart melting into putty, landing in your perfect hand. Every idea I had about you is proving to be completely false. I had thought there was nothing inside your perfect exterior, but there is something, someone in there.

You are kind. You are sweet. You are amazing. You are smart, cute and have the most melodious voice; the voice of an angel. And that voice was directed at me. You talked to me. Me. And that was amazing. Similar to what I imagine skydiving might be like. Perfect.

And you are perfect. And I’m not. You’re held back and mysterious, whereas I’m an open book. You are exceedingly smart and I’m average. You are gorgeous with deep soul seeing eyes and mine are muddy brown.
You can have any girl you want, where I’ve never even had a boyfriend.

And I realize now that you will never pick me. You, never in your right mind, would pick me. You will pick another blonde, cheerleader type girl who would say yes to you asking them out without even a second thought. You know they will say yes, you know that with them there will be no mystery, contemplation or thought.

And now seeing that, my soul stops dancing and slowly retreats back into the confines of my body, sinking straight down to my toes feeling stupid for thinking we even had a chance. My body is no longer numb with happiness, but feels the shock of being dunked in cold water with this new realization of how stupid I am.

Happiness turns to sadness. Joy turns to pain. My smile is wiped off my lips. My eyes begin to brim with tears, I know that you are not worth my time. I know that you aren’t spilling precious diamonds over. You. Aren’t. Worth it. But the tears threaten to spill down my face leaving only trails like scars on my skin. They are ready to fall

And I let them.

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This article has 20 comments. Post your own now!

ashleyn said...
Apr. 7, 2011 at 10:44 am
I love it! It's so dang true which makes it even more painful...I especially love how your worded everything, especially the end. Yeah that's how I feel about it, once again I love it! <3
TeamJacobArchuleta said...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 3:49 pm
i personally think this some of your best work...the emotion in it is just so real & you describe it so's sad but amazing at the same time because i know i've felt this way before & i'm sure everyone else has to....this was really perfect, great job :)
Esther V. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 9, 2010 at 8:01 pm
this is a great piece. you describe a mood swing really really well and make me feel like im definitely not the only one.
bigdreamer14 said...
Apr. 1, 2010 at 1:29 pm
I <3 this so much. It almost made me cry. Going through this as we speak. U R AH-MAZING. Nicely done! =)
nutmeg212 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 10, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Again, and i know i say this alot... Thank you!!!! and please comment peple!!! i love to know what you think...
ClockworkLightbulb said...
Mar. 29, 2010 at 4:41 pm
This is exactly how I feel. </3 Amazing. (:
*JustDance* said...
Mar. 24, 2010 at 7:11 pm
I really liked this, but the title kind of put me off to it. I wasn't going to read it at first until I read the first few lines. But amazing job!
wishingwriter said...
Mar. 24, 2010 at 4:53 pm
This just happened to me!! Thanks so much for posting this!
nutmeg212 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 23, 2010 at 8:08 pm
mkgirl395, i think you have a good point. thanks for the advice (i'm open to all criticism). alot of it IS true, but it really doesnt fit in with some of the non fiction stuff, so thanks and i'll remember that when i',m writing.
(And PS, love you to Meg!!!!! my bffl, partner in crime and amazing separated at birth twin. Love ya suga!)
xcrayolaxstormx replied...
Mar. 24, 2010 at 2:45 pm
This site is cool. I feel like I should post stuffs on here. AND WRITE MORE! Or I'll kill you. I know where you sleep.
xcrayolaxstormx said...
Mar. 23, 2010 at 8:00 pm
PS, This legit almost made me cry.
xcrayolaxstormx said...
Mar. 23, 2010 at 7:59 pm
Hey Meg, it's Meg. This is soo cool. I always knew you were an aaarrttiissstt!!! :D I gotchya back girlfriieeend. Love ya!
mkgirl395 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 23, 2010 at 7:46 pm
Huh. You're frustrating me- the situation that you wrote about is really average, but your writing style is better than that. You need to use your writing powers for good, not average! :/ I want to read something from you that has more weight to it! You've got the potential. Please keep writing, please do.
mkgirl395 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 23, 2010 at 7:51 pm
Oh, goodness- I just read that this came from your journal. I thought that this was fiction! Sorry for that last comment- I was critiquing it as if it were a work of fiction. I'm sorry to hear about the situation, and the good thing is that it's definitely relatable. Sorry :/
sillysami2276 said...
Mar. 23, 2010 at 6:29 pm
Wow, Nutmeg. You blew me away. I was amazed by the writing. Youa re a greta writer. I really hope this continues!
Your friend,
Silly Sami
Sheylaaa, SJR(: said...
Mar. 23, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Wow:( -I felt your pain and sorrow toward the end. But i agree that this love meant alot to you and you deserve better than a heart-break, (:
nutmeg212 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 23, 2010 at 3:35 pm
Thank you guys so much! This is the first thing i have posted and i literally almost flipped when i saw that people read it! Please comment. I love and appreciate all critiscim. THANK YOU!!
MacnCheezz replied...
Aug. 10, 2010 at 12:14 pm
I honestly cannot believe this was not published to the magazine. This is so amazing. You painted the perfect picture of how girls feel toward a guy "out of their league." All I can say is wow.
monicalillian said...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 9:06 pm
oh my gosh, i love this, it reminds me that everyone will feel like i do once in a while, why does life have to be so weird and complecated...why cant it just be like a fairytale...a prince and you meet, he rescues you from peril...and BAM you have a happily ever after.
TheDreamer said...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 8:45 pm
THIS IS FREAKING AMAZING! this is how i feel all the time! im glad someone else can say so too! your an amazing writer and should keep writing how you feel. we all may have it in common! i love the phrases you used for happiness and the sadness, but you're rite! its life and we all must live it regardless. great job.
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