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Daylight, Nightlight, Moonlight
Misty eyed, I drive past your house, every single day; once in the morning before I drive myself to school, and once on my way home. Even after I transferred schools, even when I’m almost late to school, even when basketball practice is exhausting and all I want to do is go to bed. I always drive past your house to see if you’re there. But your lights are never on. Your house is always silent, never even a whisper. The ground is still as I drive past, and wave at you just before I cut into your driveway and do a quick U turn. You never wave back, and instead of you the trees wave good bye, snickering as their leaves fall to the ground.
One year ago, your house was full of life, and you would always be there to wave your hand and send me a heartwarming smile. The summer glory would twinkle on your windows, making your room sparkle like a queen’s. I would drive by your house, everyday, just to see your smile. You were beautiful from every angle. Some days you would be singing softly as you finish your homework. Some days you would be laughing on the phone with your friends with your silky bronze hair flapping away from your face. But as soon as you notice me, your attention always turns to me. Your eyes locked into mine. The sparkle in your eyes glistened, and I saw my reflection in your pretty eyes, the perfect shade of green. I remember you hanging up on your friends instantly, I remember you ditching the rest of your homework just to come downstairs to meet me at the door. I’m sorry that sometimes you didn’t get to finish your homework or get to have a decent conversation with your friends, but I’m not sorry I stole so much of your time. I wish I had stolen more.
I know that you aren’t here anymore. Now your room is as dark as the night without moonlight, as unwelcoming as a thunder storm, always grumbling at me.
Why was she taken away? What did I do to have my most precious treasure stolen from me? God, why did you want her? I feel my heart as I feel ashes, I see your face in my dream as if I would see an angel. There isn’t a single day that I don’t regret that day.
At school I hide my sorrow, and pretend like nothing is wrong. My mind was thousands of miles away from French, Biology, Physics, and Trigonometry. The only class that clears the clouds in my head is English, where I get to express my true feelings, where I don’t have to act like a tough guy, where I can cry on my paper.
I scribble a new poem that forms in my blurry head. Nobody knows what I’m writing about. Nobody except for you and me.
"I am standing near shore, waiting for you to come back.
The mighty wind is playing with my tears
The angry waves are pounding against the boulders
I can't see any farther
Where did you go?
Why did the ocean swallow you up?
Why did the deep dark waters choose you?
Why doesn’t anybody know what happened to you?
I can't sleep until you come home.
Until they let you go.
The furious sky strikes the storm, making me jump.
Why wasn’t I with you that day?
Why didn’t you tell me you would be gone?"
The bell rings, shaking me back to reality. I jerk up from my seat, stuffing the fresh paper in my pocket.
I drive past your house, like any other day. The skies were roaring blackness, and I could hear the mad mountains howling at me. I opened my window, closed my eyes, breathing in a great deal of salty air. As I opened my eyes, a stunning glow surprised me, making my eyes squint. I peek towards the light. Am I seeing a hallucination?
I know you’re gone, I just don’t know why. Sure, God took you away for his will. I can’t help wondering why he took you away from me, instead of me. Why did he split us? You were my personal sunlight, the brightness that kept me smiling. When you left me, when I was suddenly alone, I was left in the darkest night. I clenched my fists in frustration, afraid of the thought that I might not exist in you anymore. I looked for you everywhere. I looked for you in my dreams. I spent all of my strength trying to fill the hole you left in my heart. You’re making me go crazy.
I open the front door, and walk directly to my room, without a smile. My mouth was a tight line, white from pressing them together too hard. My sister shot me a sympathetic look, but I go straight to my desk, ignoring her altogether. My mother has been talking about sending me to a psychologist, but I have repeatedly refused. No human can bring my love back. Usually they both bug me more, to get some emotion out of me, but today, nobody pried. Today was different.
I drift off to sleep, with the pen and my unfinished poem in my hands. I woke up to find the poem finished, wondering if I had ever fallen to sleep in the first place.
“Then, the clouds open up, revealing the beautiful moon.
I heard a voice whispering, “I’ll never be able to smile again, if I continue seeing you so depressed. I know you can be happy. Wear that smile I loved, and always remember that every moment, I am thinking of you. Happy Birthday, I love you.”
A wet tear slipped from the corner of my eye,
I felt the wind, the storm, and you
Giving me a big hug.”
I smile to myself, and look up at the moon lit sky, giving you all of my good hopes, a great big smile, and a teddy bear hug. I could feel your smile, glowing off the moon’s shine, soothing my pain.
It was still dark as I silently got into my car, letting my instincts drive. The moon followed me, guiding my way. Tears well up in my green eyes, careful not to spill. My hands grip the steering wheel, my teeth clenched together fighting against the sensation taking over me again.