She walks to school hiding underneath her coat, silently begging to be invisible. It doesn’t work because people know her, everyone knows her. Everyone talks to her as if she really hears what they are saying. As if it doesn’t kill her to think that nobody sees what she really feels.
Maybe if she dies her hair changes her style and transferred schools she could start all over. There would be a new her. She’d change her name. The girl would become another girl. She would never be the same again. She feels better just thinking about leaving this place.
In the end, she knows she won’t be able to leave. If she leaves, she won’t be able to see him. Every time she sees him part of her wants to smile and part of her wants to cry. She wants to smile when she sees him because of the memories. The memories she never wants to lose, like the time he gave her the perfect gift for her birthday. The time he made sure she was warm at the football game. The notes he wrote her in class. On the other hand she wants to cry when she sees him because all she has left are memories. When she thinks of what could have been she wants so cry because it isn’t.