Love Lost

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We said goodbye and he kissed me for the last time. He began walking to the bus and then he turned to me and whispered in my ear, “I love you.” He then got on the bus, and waved to me for the last time, and was gone. I stood there for a moment, remembering all the moments we had shared together. I jumped back to reality, wiping tears from eyes. He would be gone for the next five months fighting in Iraq and all I could do is just sit here and wait for his safe return. When I got home my sister was waiting for me, “Sarah, are you okay? Do you want me to fix you anything?”
“No, Michelle I’m fine, nothing that coffee can’t cure.” I poured myself a cup and sat down. For the next hour we just sat there, silence filling the room. Then finally I broke it, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. How am I going to go to the doctor? What if I have the baby before he gets home? I can’t do this by myself Michelle, I just can’t.” Tears began rolling down my cheeks.
Michelle turned to me, “Sarah it’s going to be alright, I will be here for you. And it’s only five months, by the time he’s home you will only be seven months pregnant.”
“I guess you’re right. He will only be gone five months, only five months.” I willed that those five months would go by fast.

The five months passed, with minimal tears and lots of support from my family. I woke up one morning in a good mood because Jake would be home in two days. While I was making the bed the doorbell rang. Huh, I wonder who that could be; I know that it is not momma or Michelle since its 7:30 a.m. I went and answered the door and standing there were two men in army uniforms, Oh no, I know what this is, it can’t be, it just can’t… “Mrs. Montgomery?” said the soldier on the left.
“Yes,” my voice was so quiet and meek that I didn’t even hear my own reply.
“I am sorry to report that Private First Class Jake Montgomery went missing several days ago, and now he is presumed to be deceased.” All I could do was shake my head,
“No this must be a mistake, he is coming home in two days, he can’t be dead, he just can’t.”
“I am so sorry for your loss Ma’am,” Immediately after that word ‘loss’ I began sobbing, my knees gave way and I sunk to the ground. This couldn’t be real, Jake couldn’t be dead, he had to be out there somewhere. I just could not wrap my head around it, the more I thought the more I cried. For the next several weeks I laid in bed, crying and crying, which is all I seemed to be doing these days. My sister would come over to check on me,
“Sarah, honey, I think that today you should get up and go for a walk. It’s a beautiful day outside, and it might be good for you and the baby.” “If I sleep, the pain goes away,” I turned away from her and closed my eyes and drifted into sleep…
He was standing there in a meadow with a big smile on his face. “Baby, come here,” At first I cautiously walked toward him. “Baby I’m ok, I’m here…” Then I began sprinting toward him, but the faster I ran, the farther he seemed to be.
“Jake!” I yelled, as I continued to run, then all of a sudden he disappeared and I was standing alone, everything became blurry… I jolted awake, sweat was dripping off me and I realized that it was all a dream. I looked at the clock, 8:00 p.m., I had slept all day. I got out of bed and went to the kitchen to make myself something to eat, but I completely broke down. Tears began streaming down my face and the sobbing began; this couldn’t be real, my life just had to be one big dream. He just couldn’t be gone. I felt like pieces of me were slowly melting away with each passing day. After several minutes of crying I went to the bathroom to run a bath. While I sat in the tub, staring at my pregnant stomach, I remembered all the times we had shared together: when he told me he was joining the Army at my high school graduation, when he proposed to me a year later, our wedding, and our plans for a family. Now it was all ruined, God I missed him so much. Every day I felt like I was fighting a war inside and every day I was losing. I got out of the tub and went back to bed, hoping to escape and be in his arms once again.

We were in our home, embracing and talking. “Sarah, baby, I am so sorry. I should have never left you and the baby. But you know that I love you so much.”
“Jake why can’t it be like this all the time, me in your arms, I want you to stay. I don’t think I can live without you.” He grabbed my face with his hands, wiped my tears away and tenderly kissed my lips,
“Baby you know that I can’t stay.”
“I know, but I want you to. Please stay.” My eyes slowly opened and I looked around the room, but he was gone. I laid in bed the rest of the day, until Michelle came and fixed me dinner. “Now Sarah, you are my baby sister and I love you, but you have to stop this, you could hurt the baby, you need to eat.”
“Michelle, I can’t do it. I can’t be a single mother and don’t preach to me, you are just as bad as momma. Have you ever lost your husband Michelle?”
“No I haven’t.”
“So you don’t know what it’s like to sit here and wait for someone who is never coming home. He will never be able to tell me he loves me and I won’t be able to see his face when I wake up, so just leave me alone and worry about your life.” I took one last bite of toast and went back to my room feeling tears welling in my eyes. That night I dreamt of him again, this time it was when I told him I was pregnant… “Jake I’m pregnant,” I looked at his face, he was a little shocked.
“Sarah are you sure?”
“Yes I am, I went to the doctor and everything. Look I know that we decided to wait, but these things just kind of happen. You’re not mad are you?”
“Of course not! Sarah this is wonderful, baby I’ve never been happier!” He pulled me in his embrace and kissed me, but then he let go and his eyes looked sad.
“What is it Jake?”
“This baby is a blessing Sarah, but I just got my assignment today. I deploy in two months.” My heart stopped beating for a moment and I remembered that I was a military wife,
“How long?”
“Five months, but Sarah I will be there, this baby will have both parents at its birth. But if something happens to me just know that I will always be with you in here,” he touched his hand to my heart and a single tear fell down my cheek.
“Jake, don’t say that, just promise me that you will be here.” I looked at him with longing and finally he pulled me close and whispered,
“I promise.”

I abruptly woke with a sharp pain in my stomach. I looked down and my water had broken. I checked the clock, 12:00 a.m. I grabbed the phone and called Michelle, “Hello? Sarah? Is that you?”
“Michelle I think I’m in labor.”
“I’ll be there in 10 minutes don’t move!” After hours in labor my daughter finally came. I heard her tiny crying and I knew it was real. I began tearing up and Michelle turned to me with tears in her eyes, “She’s beautiful Sarah. Jake would be so proud.”
“I know he would be.” The doctor handed me my daughter,
“Welcome to the world Elizabeth Rose.” I looked at our daughter and a smile spread over my face. This was a new chapter in my life.

It had been three months since Elizabeth was born. She was born on September 13, at 7:30 a.m., exactly three months after I had found out that her father had passed. Today I was at the park sitting under my favorite oak tree. Elizabeth was sleeping in her stroller and I was watching the sun set when I heard a man’s voice, “Sarah!” I turned and there he was, Jake,

“Jake! I missed you so much! How do you find me?”
“Well you weren’t at the house so I figured you would be here, Baby I love you and I missed you.” He grabbed me and we kissed, then I held on him, not knowing if this was reality or a dream.
“Are you real?” I whispered into his ear.
“I’m here aren’t I? Everything was just a big misunderstanding. God I love you so much, you are more beautiful than I remember.” He kissed my forehead,
“Well Jake Montgomery I want you to meet your daughter, Elizabeth Montgomery.”
“Sarah, she’s beautiful,” he picked our daughter up and gave her a kiss. That night I woke to the sound of Elizabeth crying. While I attended to her, I felt happier than I had been the past 6 months. I knew deep down in my heart that he and I would be united once again.





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

Angie.O said...
Mar. 27, 2010 at 3:48 pm

I really enjoyed this! :)

but i felt it was very weird how he just appeared again out of nowhere. maybe u can touch that up a bit :) nice work!

 
BrittanyHale said...
Feb. 14, 2010 at 5:11 pm
See I almost started crying so I went and skipped all of it and saw his name But then it was a dream.Im just glad he's really alive....He is alive isn't he?:)
 
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