Pretty Eyes- Chapter 2

February 1, 2010
By torridromance GOLD, Staten Island, New York
torridromance GOLD, Staten Island, New York
12 articles 1 photo 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Define normal." ~Eragon


Second period English came and went. I stepped outside after class to see Mitchell leaning against the wall opposite the door. He was just staring at me with those pretty eyes. I hated it. I gave him that ‘What are you looking at?’ look and he took two steps towards me. I took a step back and ended up crushing by bag against the wall behind me. “Hey freak.” Mitchell said softly.

“What do you want, loser?” I asked him just a quietly.

“I want to ask you a question.”

“Alright, go ahead.”

“Um, do you like me?” That was NOT the question I was expecting from him.

“If you mean as a friend, I would have to say no. If you mean as more than a friend, I would have to say no. You tease me, taunt me, and hurt me. Why would I like you?”

“Um, I don’t know... I was going to ask you to homecoming, but that’s out of the question now...”

“Yeah, it is. If you want to ask someone else, I would suggest Nicole. She likes you.”

“Oh, alright. I’ll see you later freak.”

“Bye... Mitchell.”


The author's comments:
The second in a four part short story. I hope you like it. :-)

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This article has 2 comments.


on Dec. 22 2010 at 8:49 am
inksplatteredfingerz SILVER, Union, New Jersey
8 articles 4 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Where I'm from, we believe all sorts of things that aren't true--we call it history."--the Wizard; Wicked

work on the dialogue alittle. We know that this is like total whiplash for Alexa but she has to show it! I think the dialogue should be a little longer with Alexa demanding alot of answers ("why are asking me?" "how long have you liked me?" etc. She doesn't even have to say them outloud. They can run around in her head as she struggles through this conversation). I like her suggestion to ask Nicole so keep that. Mitchell should be more nervous and not call her loser before asking her if she likes him. (Because that totally turns girls on xD).

Ooo, and maybe you should take out his first ?: "do you like me?" Cuz once she flat out says no, why would he want to even mention his 2nd question, right?

 


on Feb. 20 2010 at 3:56 pm
torridromance GOLD, Staten Island, New York
12 articles 1 photo 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Define normal." ~Eragon

Please comment! I need your feedback to make my writing better. :)


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