Im Done

January 28, 2010
By , Fonda, NY
I wish someone told me. He was a drug addict. He’s been going behind my back and somehow some way getting drugs. Of course it is New York City so, it’s not that hard. But I wouldn’t know because I don’t do that sort of stuff. I think he is trying to ignore me. I found out because his mother came and told me. She thought I knew. And she was concerned. So she asked me for my help.

I haven’t seen him in a while now. I am starting to get worried. I’ve called and called but he will not answer. He finally calls me back but when I answer, it wasn’t him. It was his mother saying he ran away. She said she’s sent out everybody to look for him. When he left, he also left a note. It was a quote he used to say. “I admire addicts. In a world where everybody is waiting for some blind, random disaster, or some sudden disease, the addict has the comfort of knowing what will most likely wait for him down the road. He’s taken some control over his ultimate fate, and his addiction keeps the cause of death from being a total surprise.” I started crying because I never used to know what this was about. I wish he was standing here next to me so we could talk things through.

His mother calls me again. She said she thinks she found him but she wants me to go. He’s on the streets of Brooklyn she says. So I get in my car and drive for three whole hours. Finally I see him walking. He sees me and starts to run. He ran about three blocks or so. He knows what I want. And he knows that I get what I want and don’t give up until I get it. So he gets in my car.
He starts talking to me. I don’t listen for a while but he just keeps talking. I am so upset and frustrated that I can’t even stand to listen. So finally I say to him, why? Why would you do this to me? Why didn’t you just tell me? Why did you run from me? There were so many questions in my head I just couldn’t stop. We finally get back to his mother’s apartment and he won’t get out of the car.

He doesn’t want to face his mother. He says he is embarrassed. But, I really don’t blame him. He threatens me to drive. But I just couldn’t. In the end after bugging him to get out of the car, he finally gets out. His mother comes running out and gives him a big hug.

I just need some time to cool off and relax so I leave them two alone and drive home. He calls me and says he wants to talk. At first I wasn’t going to go but I ended up giving in just to see what he has to say.
I meet him in a shop. He starts talking to me and I try to listen. He says he is not sorry because he doesn’t think he did anything wrong, and says his feelings are hurt because I “ran” away from him and his mother. I tell him, “What about my feelings. You never told me all this time about you and your drugs. Just go behind my back and not tell me anything? You’re the one who ran from me and I am not going to have it happen again. I can’t take it anymore.” I walk out on him. He comes out of the shop behind me. And he has a gun. I ask him what he is going to do with the gun. He doesn’t say anything and just shoots. I started crying because I know what his temper is like. Sometimes he just can’t control what he does, but I ran and ran till I couldn’t run any more. At last I finally get the nerve to call his mother. She is so sad. But I told her I couldn’t take it anymore and left. When we getting ready to hang up and before I did, I told her… I’m done!

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