Lamentations of Love

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2/3/04
Love, love is the interaction of two people who have strong feelings for one another right? That’s what I used to think. I don’t see how people are able to partake in this sick joke they call love. They exchange quick glances with one another, they smile tenderly at each other, and they even give each other cute pet names .That’s all cute for a while but eventually it gets old, And then they say, I Love you … I love you, a phrase so in-depth with meaning yet it’s thrown around now like it’s nothing. Those words are nothing but hollow to me. Nothing more than a promise that cannot be kept. There was a time when I could say I love you so freely, but that was then and this is now. You see I wasn’t always this way, I used to actually enjoy partaking in love. Forgive me where are my manners, my name is Susan Dixie. I wasn’t your average white seventeen year old girl, my parents are rich and we live in a mansion in the white part of town. Back at my school, I used to be what you might call popular. Everyone knew me, all the boys wanted to be with me, I was the head cheer captain, and I had the hottest jock at school as my boyfriend. What more could a girl want? I had it all, but everything changed that fateful day.
It was a Friday like any other. I had gone to school and partaken in my daily festivities, you know like going class to class, talking with my friends, being worshipped in the hallways by nerds, nothing new. That is until the bell rung and it was time to leave. I was walking to cheer practice after school when I noticed my boyfriend, Josh, waiting for me at the double doors. “Hey there,” he said. I blushed and asked him what he was doing there. “Nothin much” he said. “Just here to check on my girl.” I blushed even harder. “Hows about you call in sick today,” he said. “I’ve got something special for you.”
“What is it,” I asked. “ I bet it’s that new digital camera I told you I wanted, or maybe it’s a promise ring."
“You’ll see once we get there,” he replied. “And trust me I know you’re going to love it.”
“You better be telling the truth ,” I said. “ And this better not be anything stupid like the giant stuffed space wasting Panda you got me last valentine’s day.” He chuckled and promised it wouldn’t be a repeat of last year. After exchanging a few words he wrapped his arm around my waist and escorted me to his car. We drove for what seemed to be an hour until we finally reached this old Motel. Something told me that there was a problem, that something was not right about this situation, that I needed to leave immediately. But we were in the middle of nowhere even if I wanted to leave I had nowhere to go. Josh looked at me, his eyes seemed to be piercing right into my soul.
“I love you Sue,” he said. “Do you love me?” My heart was throbbing, where exactly was he going with this?
“Josh your scaring me,” I said.
“Answer me Sue,” he said. “Do you love me? Come on Sue I need an answer.” I was so scared, it wasn’t the question that was frightening, it was the way he said it something was off about it almost as if he wanted something from me.
“Josh I do love you but- ”
“Then that’s all I need to know,” he interrupted. He unbuckled his seat belt and leaned over to my ear. “Please Sue….let me love you.”
“No, I screamed . “This is insane, Josh we’re not ready. Can’t we just wait until we’re adults to do this?” He stared at me for what seemed to be an eternity, it was like he had expected me to say yes. We continued to sit there until I finally told him to take me home since we weren’t getting anywhere. Josh just laughed and turned the car off. I did not like where this was going.
“You see Sue,” he began. “I came out here to get something and I’m not going anywhere until I get it understand? So whenever you’re ready just tell me.” There was an awkward silence until I quickly unbuckled my seat belt and ran out of the car for my very life. Josh however caught up to me and dragged me back towards the Motel. I kicked and screamed but no one was there to hear my cries. We finally reached one of the rooms and Josh kicked the door open and threw me onto the bed. I scrambled for the door but he anticipated that and locked it. I was trapped. He began to walk toward me slowly kind of like a lion stalking its prey preparing to go in for the final kill. I began to back away begging him not to do this.
“Don’t worry love,” he said. “I promise I won’t damage you. It’ll just be you and me. And then I promise you can go home. Just trust me.” Tears began to stream down my face as the realization of what he was about to do settled in.
“Please don’t do this,” I cried.
“Shhhh it’s okay it’ll be over soon I promise,” he said as he took his fingers and wiped away some of my tears. I tried to fight him off but he was too strong. He threw me back onto the bed and he started to undress me.
“Please stop PLEASE PLEASE I don’t want to do this,” I screamed. I kicked and screamed calling for help but he was too strong. He covered my mouth, had his way with me, and as quick as he started he stopped.
“Wow that was fun, he said. “Let’s do it again sometime kay.” I stared at him in disbelief I couldn’t believe he just said that. A few minutes ago this man had been the love of my life and now he was nothing to me. It’s amazing how fast life can change. “Well I guess I should take you home huh? Put your clothes back on so we can go.” The drive home was a long and silent one not a word was exchanged between either one of us and if he even uttered a syllable I would glare at him. As we arrived at my house he leaned over and tried to kiss me. I stopped him with my hand.
“Let me explain something to you Josh Lackey, I yelled. “You and I are over. Do you hear me over. I don’t want to hear from you, I don’t want to look at you, and I don’t want to even smell you got that? From this point on you are dead to me and you better enjoy the rest of your time free because the first chance I get I’m going to throw you in Jail got that?” He laughed and suddenly his smiling face suddenly hardened.
“Let me explain something to you Susan Dixie,” he said. “If you tell anyone about this I swear I’ll do it again and next time I won’t go easy on you understood? Have a nice night Sue.” And with that he kissed me on the cheek. I immediately left his car and entered my house. My parents asked me where I had been. I told them that I was at a friend’s house studying and I couldn’t call them because my phone died. They bought it. I told them I was tired even though it was only seven thirty and I went to my room. I cried for the rest of the night harder than I ever cried before.




2/8/04
The names Adrian, Adrian Santa Cruz. I’m Sixteen. Based on your standards I guess I could say I’m pretty average. I live in a normal neighborhood and I live with my mom, two brothers, and two sisters. Being the oldest there’s a lot of pressure on me to make sure that I can set the example for my four other younger siblings which is not an easy task. At school I’m a nobody ,sure I’m in athletics and I’m seventy four inches of what you girls call “man meat” but I’ve just never connected with anyone. I’m not what you’d call a social butterfly. You see I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone. I think about it from time to time but there’s no one I’ve met so far who’s really special. You know the one. See flirting really isn’t my thing. I have no idea how to start a conversation and every single time I compliment a girl they take it the wrong way. It’s really frustrating. I wish I had someone to show me the ropes but I’ve never had a figure in my life to show me what to do. See my dad left me and my family when I was around six years old. Things were really dysfunctional during that time period. My mom says that I went into a shell almost she said that I didn’t talk to anyone, I rarely ate, and I often cried myself to sleep. So you get my drift when I say that it was hard for me right? However, my dad eventually came back when I turned thirteen and he said he wanted to be back in our lives. Everyone else bought it but I didn’t, why would he just come back after all these years for no reason. The moocher stayed with us, that is until he died two years later. After seeing what he put my mom through, no what he put our entire family through scarred me, and ever since I haven’t been able to show anyone the affection they deserve.
I know that my father’s decisions in life may have nothing to do with me, but I’m afraid that one day I’ll follow in his footsteps and make the exact same mistakes that he did. I don’t want to put anyone through the things that I went through, no one deserves that. However, there is one person that I’ve had my eye on for quite some time.
You see there’s this one girl at school, Susan Dixie, I’ve got the biggest crush on her but I can’t bring myself to say anything. She passes by me and I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. It’s really embarrassing. I try to look at my other options but I can’t get her off my mind. She’s all I ever think about day and night. But even though we don’t talk to one another I’ve noticed this change in her. Like whenever I see her she’s not with her “superhot” boyfriend Josh, she doesn’t hang out with anyone anymore and she’s gradually becoming distant from everyone. She rarely smiles and whenever people greet her she looks at them with this freakish stare like she’s a zombie or something it’s really scary. I don’t know what happened to her but I’m really worried about her.





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