Forgive, Forget, Then Walk Away

January 16, 2010
By , Hutchinson, KS
I watched as he picked up his lunch tray and walked across the room to sit by all of his popular, snobby friends. I couldn't believe him. He had walked by me without even acknowledging that I existed. Again.
I sighed, and went back to eating my food.
"Renee`, are you just going to sit there all day?" My best friend Shelby glanced at the clock and rolled her beautiful emerald colored eyes. Seriously, she could just chill sometimes.

"No, just give me a sec, ok. I need a minute."

"Please don't tell me that you are thinking of HIM again," she nodded her head in his direction.

"No way!" I lied. I'm such a bad lier, she could see it all over my face.
"Don't even try to lie to me, girl. He is a jerk. Can you please accept the facts and move on? He is not even worth your time. Not worth a second glance, not worth the time of day, not worth..."
I had to interupt her. This was getting old.
"I get it, I get it. He is a jerk, that I agree with." The thing was, I didn't agree with it. Two weeks ago, he was my world, the sweetest thing since chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. He would write me love notes, send me the sweetest txt messages a girl could ever ask for, and right before I went to sleep he would call me, every night, just to say goodnight, and to remind me that he loves me. When I had a bad day, he would sweet talk me, and make everything bad go away. He was my life.
I still don't quite understand what happened.

One day we were great, sitting together at lunch, side by side, good naturedly making fun of each other about our taste in food, but the next day everything was

That day I had walked up to him. He was standing there laughing with his friends about whatever
dumb joke they had heard last, he was so cute laughing like that. I continued walking towards him, when
he glanced up at me, he tensed. I knew something was wrong, he always had an easy smile whenever
he looked at me. It was mutual. There was nothing that could take that away. I knew that in my heart.

He slowly walked over to me, shoving his hands in his pocket. Normally he would flash me a smile and ask me how I slept or just say goodmorning, but today he just stood there looking at the ground. I tentitavely asked, "Is everything ok?"
He replied, "Yeah, everythings fine," but I was starting to recognize that it wasn't.
I mumbled something about having to go to class and walked away.
The rest of the day was pure agony. He talked to me, whenever we passed in the halls, but it was just small talk, not the sweet things he normally would say. After fourth hour I decided to just completely avoid him. I went out of my way, so that I didn't have to see him. I walked into the lunch room and noticed that, as usual, he had an extra seat open right next to him, saved just for me. I walked across the room, convincing myself that I was just being dumb earlier, there was nothing really wrong.

I stood next to the empty seat,expecting the usual invitation to eat with him. To my suprise he informed me that he was going to eat with his friends today, he would just talk to me later. I looked down,not believing the hurt that I felt. I looked up, searching the room for a friend to sit the remainder of lunch with. I had forgotten that Shelby's pre-calc class had gone to hear a lecture at the comunity college.
There was no one. I walked over to an empty table, plopped down, and slowly started to eat my
food. I ate alone.

Later that evening, I checked my email hoping for an email from him, explaining himself, saying that he had been having an awful day, and that he was very sorry. There was nothing. I went to bed early.
The next day I woke up, and checked my e-mail again. There was a message. It said:

Dear Renee`,
I'm sorry that i caused you to eat alone today. I never wanted to make your life worse. We both need to grow up some more before we are ready for each other. I can't handle being your friend right now. Please don't think I hate you, because I don't, we just can't
be together right now. Please don't think this is the end to our relationship, it isn't. It's just a pause.I think we should stop talking for a while, and become friends when we're sure that we're ready.

I didn't go to school that day.

There isn't much that I can tell you about the next few weeks, except that I cried a lot, and my heart hurt. There is no stopping that type of hurt.
Now as I walk down the halls I see him. I see him laughing with other girls, teasing them, whispering
things to them, so that no one else can here. As these things all register with me, I realize how naieve I was to think that he thought I was special. I was nothing to him, although he wouldn't admit it. I was
a trophy prize. He worked hard to get me, he cherished me for awhile until he noticed that there was
something better, more beautiful. But when he left, he lost something, he hasn't realized that he has lost it yet, but he will someday.
What did he lose, you ask? He lost me. Not me as a girlfriend. The thing that he lost
me as is so much deeper. He lost me as a confidente, he lost me as a place to go to when the weight
of the world is just to heavy, he lost me as a friend. He lost his best friend.

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biddycakes said...
Feb. 5, 2010 at 9:24 pm
omg. i can totally relate w ith this! grea job keep it up!
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