The Jump

January 15, 2010
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You have a crush. Everything is insignificant when measured up to this person. The way they look, they way they sound, the way they smell, even the way they make your pulse race. All your senses are magnified and more intense when around your crush. Time goes painfully slow. Each second lasts a minute, each minute an eternity.

You are in the opened door jam of a plane. You are ready to either plummet into another life, another world, full of unknown possibilities, or, be trapped in the plane that is full of loneliness and it is suffocating. You are terrified to jump, but know that if you stay where you are, you will not survive. The suffocating and loneliness is creeping up on you and it is only a matter of minutes before you are completely trapped and cannot escape.

The world goes silent. Time has stopped. You look around; nothing moves-the stillness scares you to death. You see nothing but the oblivion that is below you. You hear nothing but the thumping of your heart. You start to burn up. Your face is on fire and hot as hell. Your hands are cold, clammy. Your knees buckle and your back shakes viciously. You hold your head in your hands, as if you are forbidding your thoughts to escape where someone could see what you think, or know what you feel.

You see the ground below you fall further away, as if you are rising. You know you haven’t moved because everything inside you is the same.

You realize you must jump soon or you will never reach the bottom in time; you must get to it before it drifts so far away you cannot grasp it. You know if you don’t jump you will fail your deepest desire. This is it. Now or never. You must jump.

You close your eyes and inhale so deep you think your lungs are going to burst open. Your throat closes and you cannot scream. You take one step forward so that your toes hang off the edge of the plane. You can feel the shadow of suffocating loneliness breathing down your neck and you shiver violently. You lift up your arms like you did as a child, pretending to be a bird. And without second guessing what you will do the moment you reach ground, you let yourself fall off the edge and soar through the air. The wind blows your hair around and your eyes are still closed. You feel safer this way. Nothing matters now because the loneliness will cease and you are free of fears.

Your crush is waiting at the bottom and all you have to do is let yourself feel the air around you as you plummet. You did the only thing you could do; you did something no one else could have done for you: You Jumped.

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