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EC+AM=4ever Chapter 21 (Part 1)
June 17, 2009
I've been asking myself that question ever since Ash told me that he's in the military. I just want to be happy. I just wish none of this had ever happened. I just wish that I'd never met Ash. He was the source of all my problems.
I tried to kill myself! All because of Ash. I'm depressed. Not just really upset, but actually depressed. Like really depressed. Nothing's going right.
Wow, this really is like Romeo and Juliet! I tried to kill myself!
Plus, I put Ash's mom in a coma. I didn't get any sleep last night. I just laid there in my bed, staring up at the ceiling. When Dad told me that he read in the paper that Ash's mom was in a coma, I couldn't even bare it. Because it's my fault! It's all my fault! It's not like I meant to do it! I just wanted to end all of my pain. I wanted to kill myself.
Oh my gosh, I'm seriously going crazy, aren't I?
Don't answer that.
I closed my diary and then laid back down on my bed, closing my eyes, feeling weary. My parents were both at work so I was all alone in my house. Well I definitely felt all alone, that was for sure. Yeah, Mom and Dad let me move back in and are no longer mad at me, but what difference does that make? I still have no friends at all. Literally, zero friends.
A thought popped into my head, and I pondered it for a moment. Should I do it? Now was my perfect chance. Should I really kill myself? No one was here to stop me. So if I was going to do it, now was the time. But how?
I could OD on some kind of drug, I could hang myself, I could slit my wrists, I could stab myself in the heart (although Ash already had that part covered), I could try to get myself run over again, except this time I'd lay down in the middle of the street instead.
There were so many options, yet I couldn't get myself to do any of them. I couldn't get myself to actually commit suicide. Suicide was taking away your own life. It was ending your life forever. It was like telling the world "You can't fire me, I quit!" And I just couldn't do that. I was ready to last night, but I've had time to control myself since then.
I was still an emotional wreck, just a less crazy emotional wreck. And I wanted to somehow piece my life back together. I wanted everything to be ok again. I wanted Ash to love me and not have to go to war, I wanted Kristy to forgive me, I wanted Ms. Mongolia to be perfectly fine and approving of Ash and I, I wanted so much. But none of it was possible. Not anymore.
I'd already messed everything up completely. But who knew? Maybe Ms. Mongolia wasn't dead. Maybe she'll wake up in a couple of days. "Not very likely," I muttered under my breath.
But I could at least go to the hospital and check up on her. Yes, that's what I'd do. I'd go to the hospital. So I grabbed my keys, got into my car, and drove to the St. Edwards hospital that was only about ten minutes away.
"Hi, I'm here to see Lori Mongolia." I told the lady at the front desk, who's nametag read Nina.
"I'm sorry, but her son doesn't want us to let anyone in unless they're family. And since he's the only family she really has...well, you get the picture." Nina replied.
I bit my lip, "Is Ash here right now?"
"No, he's not." she said. And then her eyebrows knit together, "How do you know his name anyways?"
"Well I used to date him," I told her.
"Oh," she looked away for a moment and then her eyes lit up and she faced me. "Wait, you're Evalynne?"
"Um, yes..." How in the world did she know my name?
"Oh, I remember him saying something about you! He said that he only wanted family to be allowed in, and then he added that we could let you in too, but he changed his mind since he didn't think you'd come." She frowned, "He seemed really upset too. Like he missed you."
I took this in, not knowing how to respond. When I looked down I realized that my hands were clenched at my sides so hard that my knuckles were turning white. I unclenched them and looked back at Nina.
"So does that mean I can go in and see her or not?"
"Um, I don't know. I'd better call and ask Mr. Mongolia."
"No wait, don't do that!" I cried. "I don't want him to know I'm here!"
She was looking at something with wide eyes, but that something wasn't me. I crossed my arms, waiting for her to give me her attention.
"Why don't you want me to know you're here?" Ash's voice asked from behind me. Now I knew what she was staring at.
I turned around, "Ash? Oh my gosh, what are you doing here?" I could feel my cheeks turning a deep red.
"I came here to see my mom." He looked at me quizzically. "And apparently so did you." he added.
"Well I heard that she had been in a pretty bad accident and I just wanted to see if she was ok." I replied smugly.
"Oh, so it wasn't because you cared about me?" he asked.
"Well I feel bad for you I guess, but I don't..." I cut myself off mid-sentence when I noticed how he was looking at me. He seemed almost amused, like he didn't think I could tell him that I didn't care about him. Well he was wrong. "But I definitely don't care about you." I finished defiantly.
His face fell, "Oh, well I still care about you."
"Well maybe you should have thought about that before proposing to me without telling me where you'd be two days after the wedding." I remarked.
"Evalynne, I'm going to keep trying to win you back. No matter what it takes." he told me.
"Well you can try all you want, but I'm not a trophy. You can't win me over."
"I didn't mean it like that!" he cried.
I rolled my eyes, "Tell it to someone who cares." And then I turned around to find Nina peering at us, listening in on our conversation. But as soon as I saw her, she acted as if she hadn't heard a thing. "I hope you enjoyed the show," I scoffed. Then I stormed out of the hospital.