I wish this was true...

December 31, 2009
God, was she beautiful. Her hair was bushy but looked soft. I would love to run my hands through it. And her lips. Merlin her lips were a beautiful shade of pink. They were soft and inviting… The way she smiles drives me crazy.

So I smile back, hoping that you will read my eyes, see what I am feeling. But then you look away.

I die each time you look away
My heart, my life will never be the same

You don’t see my heart. You don’t see how I yearn for you. You don’t know what you do to me.

One touch sets me on fire, one look, one smile given only to me, makes my heart soar.

But you always look away. You always turn, to watch him, to tell him how you love him. And he smiles, and replies, mirroring what you say.

I know this is my fault. The past, my mistakes, are the barriers that separate us.

But I look on, to watch you smile, and to block him out. To pretend you are smiling just for me, that you are telling me that I am your love.

I know I can not live this way, I know it does my heart no good. But at least it is a feeling. A feeling that I need to complete me.

So I dream. I dream about her lips on mine, her declarations of love directed only at me.

One day, maybe someday, I will not have to dream.

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