Dear Ryan

December 30, 2009
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dear ryan,
Why am I invisible? Turn your head a little to the left, and you will see. I'm here, I've always been here. When you pass, I am unable to speak.
My lips are frozen by your radiance. The beautiful ones are lucky, lucky to have your attention, lucky to be in your sight. I am not beautiful, but you
could learn to love me anyway. Please, look at me.

dear ryan,
You said "hello". I smiled. And I watched you walk away until you were completely out of sight.
You glanced at me in first period. I wanted so much to say something, but I couldn't.
You sat with me at lunch, and I spoke. Our similar interests are evident.
You walked me home. You have a car, but you walked anyway. Now I am lucky.
So what does this all mean?

dear ryan,
This day marks the first of our relationship. I can just imagine us in ten years, twenty years, fifty years. I stare at the roses, the ones from you. An
aura of happiness surrounds me. I am too anxious to write, since you are at my window now.

dear ryan,
After four months, I love you. I truly, without a doubt, have fallen in love with you. It seems that nothing can change how I feel. This couldn't be any more
amazing than it already is. Today we sat together in your treehouse, the one from your childhood. All I can ask now is why me? What makes me more special
than the others?

dear ryan,
Seven amazing months, not including the few horrible weeks that have just passed. Why is it falling apart? I want so much for it to be fixed, but you
seem uninterested. It's almost as if I was just another item in your life. I was good for a while, but you've grown bored with me. I miss how it used to be.

dear ryan,
Tell me what happens now. What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? You're a theif with no intent of returning my heart. I am empty.
My motivation has vanished, leaving behind a feeling of despair. The tears I cry are the only evidence of what we had, the only thing that makes me believe
our love was special. How you can walk away so nonchalantly is something I still don't understand. Along with the emotional pain, came the physical pain. I
now feel what losing you really means.

dear ryan,
It's hard to let go. It's hard to just forget about us. You don't truly understand what you meant to me, because if you did, you wouldn't be able
to look me in the eyes again. You don't understand how much you hurt me, because if you did, you would live for nothing but to repent. Your mask is peeling,
and I can see now that you weren't who I thought you were, I only saw you as what I wanted you to be.

dear ryan,
The days drag slowly. Without you, everything is meaningless. There's nothing to look forward to, nothing to dream about. I noticed something. Our
8 month anniversary would have been on Valentines Day. Thanks to you, February 14 will be a day that simply haunts me.

dear ryan,
I'm not over you, but I need to be. Will I ever be?

dear ryan,
I don't know how to let go.

dear ryan,

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kayedin said...
Feb. 7, 2010 at 4:11 pm
this is so nicely written. its good! would you mind giving my feedback on my work? I'd really appreciate it!
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