The Lies We Tell | Teen Ink

The Lies We Tell MAG

November 27, 2009
By savemethewaltz SILVER, Lakewood, Ohio
savemethewaltz SILVER, Lakewood, Ohio
9 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm never satified unless I'm crossing things off lists"


“I don't like to wear socks to bed. I feel like my toes are suffocating.”

“I've been wearing the same flowered shirt every Wednesday for the past three months and no one has said anything about it yet.”

“My mom collects miniature lighthouse figurines, and I purposely break them because I think they're ugly.”

“I once lied about having a peanut allergy.”

“I never told my brother that his girlfriend called the house looking for him. They broke up a few days later because of it.”

“I took a bunch of Adderall right before my SATs.”

“I puked in church one Sunday because I had a hangover, but I told my family that I had food poisoning.”

“I once said I wasn't a virgin during a game of Never Have I Ever.”

“When I was a kid, I carved my little brother's name into the wooden coffee table so he'd be the one getting hit for once.”

“I think about death more than any normal person should.”

“I've never said ‘I love you' to any of my previous girlfriends.”

“I've never actually loved any of my previous boyfriends, even though I told them all that I did.”

“Fair enough.”

You love to end our conversations that way. With some kind of bookend, that's hard for me to respond to. It's like you don't want to hear any more or say any more, even though this is your stupid little game. You usually end it with a kiss and I swear I can taste the truth pass between us.

I really don't get you sometimes, you know? This game we play makes no sense. It's like you make light of the lies we tell and the secrets we keep. We flaunt them like battle wounds; I'll show you mine, you show me yours. You want to know everything about me, like it's your job to collect these pieces of information. You make me admit to all of the lies I've ever told and secrets I've ever kept. You make it your duty to coax them out of me. To dig them out and string up my insides like photographs covered in Photo-Flo and hanging up to dry in the darkroom.

We are speaking another language together. I feel like you and I are our own indigenous tribe, sitting around, sipping coffee from Styrofoam cups and stretching the holes in our earlobes. We speak together in tongue clicks and indescribable combinations of sounds to make what we say our own. In a way, it makes it easier to confess my sins; someone else would get lost in translation. No one else understands us. I trace the veins in your forearms and relish the fact that someone of equal caliber has come along.

“I would live forever if I could, but not like this.” You say the things I could only dream of thinking one day. It's a gift and a curse, because you always sound like you're trying to quote The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

“How do you mean?”

You sigh. “I want to start over. I'm too messed up already. I want to go on without all of my past mistakes. I don't want to go to college. I want to go to Big Sur and throw myself off a cliff and start new.”

Maybe we're not of equal caliber. Maybe you just keep me around so I can tell you my secrets and you can turn them into poetry for your creative writing class. The teacher gave you an A-plus on the poem you wrote about my grandpa dying. You would never have known that I stole his dog tags out of the casket if I hadn't told you during a round of your little game. You got offended when I got angry and said, “Maybe I could write like you if I smoked the amount of pot that you do.” But I apologized when you began to cry about your dad hitting you as a little kid, and said you're unable to express that part of your life through your poetry. I hate it when boys cry. Especially you.

“Once I got drunk on wine that I found in the crawl space and I tried to write like Hemingway, but it didn't work.” Oh, crap.

“That's beautiful.”

Now why'd I tell you that? Now you're going to go turn it into some kind of coming-of-age story, and Mr. Petto will give you a big, fat, red check mark in his grade book.

You are always on the brink of destruction. About to be caught, or caged, or kicked out. It's like you to want to be homeless. Like you want an excuse to not shower for days and bum around from one friend's couch to another's. You do that already, but sometimes people at school ask me why you'd rather sleep on a park bench than go home to your warm house with the red mailbox and the skylight in the living room.

You take things for granted, like your trust fund. You call it hush money, a way to keep you from calling child services, even though you turned 18 in April. You want to burn your Social Security card and hop a boxcar. You pretend to be poor by wearing ripped flannel shirts and using cheap, disposable razors that leave little bumps under your chin. Too bad you aren't underprivileged, or anything of the sort. You took acting classes at the rec center. Your mom was a den mother for your Boy Scout troop. Your persona is so clearly a sham that your friends call you “faux-hemian” and laugh at your worn-out copy of Into the Wild.

Everything with you is a game. I don't know who you really are and I don't think you do either. I love you but you're making yourself into something that I don't recognize. I can't tell if it's a clever mask or an act that you can drop like the magician's assistant. I'm afraid it's what you've become.

It is six minutes past my curfew but I don't really care. We could drive away in this drifting Chevy and never look back. We could go missing together. We could run away. That would be terrific. As unrealistic as your fantasies of vanishing from society may sound, they would be worth the trouble if it meant living free with you. Hitchhiking on barren roadsides and scrounging through Dumpsters and panhandling money would all be worth it if I shared the experience with the only boy I've ever loved.

Sometimes I worry you'll run away without me. Like you'll pack up this car with your black skinny jeans and dog-eared Henry Miller books and disappear without a trace. Even though we are only kids and spending the rest of our lives together seems like an infinite impossibility, I guess I would be heartbroken if you left without me. I would never forgive you. Even if you came back to my doorstep a week later, weary from your travels and begging for my love, I would kick and scream like a toddler going red-faced in the cookie aisle of the grocery store. I would never look you in the eyes again. I would erase the synapse that connects the memory of love to the memory of you that lies deep in my brain.

“Don't ever leave me, okay?”

“Okay.”

I put my head on your chest. I have a headache. Your concave chest lies under layers of thermal weave.

“Your heartbeat sounds irregular.”

“I won't leave without you. I like you too much to do that.”

“Okay.”

“Does that make you feel better?”

“Yes. A little bit.”

You sigh. “Are you afraid I'm going to leave soon?”

“Yes.”

You pause. You've probably planned out your whole escape in that ratty composition notebook you carry in your tattered JanSport backpack. You probably printed out maps from MapQuest and used your colored pencils to mark the stops you feel that Christopher McCandless or Jack Kerouac would have made. You've probably scribbled out a few drafts of the poem that details your undying love and regret to me. You'll send it when you reach a truck stop in Iowa or a diner outside of Kansas City.

I know the lies you tell. I know the secrets you keep. I know what makes you tick, what spells you know how to cast. You have weaknesses that I figured out after only a month. You described yourself as a “tapestry of woven complexities” in one of your poems for Mr. Petto. You got a B-minus on that one, you jerk. You are just smoke and mirrors. You're made up of miracles and bull and a set of pearly white teeth.

“Drive me home?”

“If you want.”

“Yep.”

Silence. You turn the keys. You start the engine.

“Wait. Never mind.”

If you said all the right things, would it make a difference? If you stopped acting like the world owed you something, would I love you anymore? If you ran away and never showed your face in this town again, would it make me regret telling you things? Possibly. But to think of you changing or leaving or disappearing from my life, to think of you belonging to anyone else or being anywhere but here makes my heart feel like Swiss cheese.

So I guess this game is what we have. All we have. I guess the lies we tell and the secrets we keep mean everything.

“I'm sorry.”

“For what?”

“For thinking you're phony sometimes.”

“You think that?”

“Sometimes.”

“Well, you're forgiven.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

You shut off the engine.

I want to attach myself to you like a dust particle settling in a room full of sunlight. I don't have to be that significant; I have reasonable expectations. I know you have dreams bigger than me. But I promise I will tell you more secrets. You can turn them into mediocre poems. I'll tell you the truth, even. Just let me stay close for a while.


The author's comments:
This was inspired by one of my friends and his actions and attitudes towards the wealth his family has. We were never involved romantically, but this piece expresses my frustration with the way he views the world. All feedback is appreciated!

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This article has 98 comments.


writelife GOLD said...
on Jun. 12 2011 at 4:00 pm
writelife GOLD, Whitby, Other
16 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
You can't plow a field by turning it over in your mind.

This is so realistic and amazing. I loved how it wasn't like a corny romance, but had a good balance of love and heartbreak. Fantastic.

on May. 21 2011 at 9:15 pm
Mojo4133 BRONZE, Tropy Club, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
“It's all fun and games, until someone looses an eye...than it's fun and games you can't see anymore.”
-James Hetfield

I agree. It was well writen to. Keep writing! =D

britt_18 said...
on May. 15 2011 at 8:04 pm
britt_18, Winnipeg, Other
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"if you love something, let it go. if it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesnt, then it was never meant to be ."

hhahahahhah oh man , too long ? , this was good though :)

mads942 SILVER said...
on Apr. 29 2011 at 7:04 pm
mads942 SILVER, Houston, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 24 comments
ive read this several times and its one of my favorites. the tone is so longing and beautiful and your characters make me want to know them in real life and for some reason "the lies we tell, the secrets we keep" just has the perfect ring to it. fantastic job

alex198 said...
on Apr. 29 2011 at 6:03 am
alex198, |, Other
0 articles 0 photos 113 comments
I love this! It was so well written and a really good story :)

on Apr. 18 2011 at 6:21 pm
ohsopoisonous GOLD, Salisbury, North Carolina
11 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around." -Radiohead.

I mase the ending my status on facebook-- using quotation marks and credit of course!

This is amazing, and honestly I think you could continue this longer and make it into a novel inwhich I would gladly read!


on Apr. 16 2011 at 10:13 pm
FatesMistake13, Springerville, Arizona
0 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes." Oscar Wilde

"The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame."

i love this and the characters! :)

on Mar. 28 2011 at 3:31 pm
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 378 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

I don't know why I never commented on this! I read it a while ago.

 

It's really, really great! I love the lie game! It's cute & unique. Really great piece!

Are you by chance from Lakewood, OH close to Cleveland? I have family from there! (: Wow, that sounded kind of creepy.


cieramist GOLD said...
on Mar. 28 2011 at 3:29 pm
cieramist GOLD, Orlando, Florida
17 articles 2 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." ~ Henry Ford

Wow! This is my favorite article I've ever read on here - fabulous job! As an avid poetry lover, I loved the reference to the Beat poets and the thread of poetic inspiration throughout it! it was well crafted and beautiful!!! Keep writing!

TheDuck GOLD said...
on Mar. 20 2011 at 6:31 pm
TheDuck GOLD, Braselton, Georgia
11 articles 12 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Raids, bullets, crime... no problem. A missing duster? Crisis."-The Last Sacrifice
"If we stand for nothing, we'll fall for anything." -All Time Low

  Seriously?  This is too long- please!  Try reading a 7 book series with a minimum of 320 pages in 4 days.  This is too long?  By the way- lovely story.  Very true and real.  I really liked it.

on Mar. 17 2011 at 5:42 pm
JelloAngel92 PLATINUM, Dundalk, Other
27 articles 18 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
You've got to have ink in the pen!

totally agree. lol

Mollywog12 said...
on Mar. 17 2011 at 10:00 am
The very first book in the Twilight series is about 500 pages. This story is less than 2,000 words. If you can read that vampire garbage, than you can read this. I think this is a million times better.

on Mar. 16 2011 at 8:33 pm
Kitten111 SILVER, Watanobbi, Other
6 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit ..... wisdom is not putting it in fruit salad :P

This is so amazing, I really loved it, so real and jsut beautiful, If you ever turn it into a longer story i would deffiantly be interested

on Mar. 16 2011 at 6:12 pm
Jesse-Marie- PLATINUM, Freehold, New Jersey
46 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To love is to live. Without love, what is life?"

I couldn't read it all because it was so long.

on Mar. 16 2011 at 12:29 pm
poeticsoul BRONZE, Newnan, Georgia
4 articles 0 photos 1 comment
absolutely amazing. well done :)

Megan.J.B said...
on Jan. 31 2011 at 3:57 pm
Megan.J.B, Sault Ste Marie, Other
0 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Here's the real truth. There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders. You, me? We're exceptional."
- Green Goblin. :)

Your work is almost poetic, but with a beautifully woven story line and a very indie-ish background. I loved the way you worked in minor details about their lives together that seemed like they didn't matter but they really painted the picture of who they are as a couple. 

 

Just Great!


on Jan. 15 2011 at 8:30 pm
Monkee63 SILVER, Independence, Kentucky
9 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I want to feel my life while I'm in it"- Meryl Streep
"Live, Life Love"
"Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain."

I really liked this. I seriouly almost started crying. Its relatable and personal and I just really liked it. Good job :)

on Jan. 9 2011 at 9:14 pm
hayliebean GOLD, Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin
14 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"a friend will help you feel better when u and he break up but a best friend will call him whispering \'seven days...\'\"
-anonymous? i think

i dont mean this in a bad way at all... i wanted to cry when i read this... it was amazing. better than i could have ever done so yeah

on Jan. 5 2011 at 2:46 pm
This is very cute! Deffinately relateable. :)

on Jan. 4 2011 at 10:14 pm
higherlove811 BRONZE, Bay City, Michigan
2 articles 1 photo 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don’t fall in love with your own words. There are more where those came from."- Degani

Everything about this story is a combination of indie and fantastic, down to the picture you chose. I personally loved the line about the guy always trying to sound like The Perks of Being a Wallflower haha :)