The Talk

November 19, 2009
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The anxiety washed over me as I rushed along the sidewalk, trying not to step on blackened bubblegum while rushing to catch up to James.
“James,” I said, and then louder again, “James!”
He swiveled his head around, and flashed me a grin. As nervous as I was, I couldn’t help but return the gesture.

“Hey,” he said, when I caught up and he had resumed walking next to me.

I knew I should just get it over with, but I let the small talk dominate the conversation until we reached the porch stairs leading up to Charlie’s house, who wouldn’t be home for a few minutes.

“So, James, I was thinking,” I said hesitantly, crossing my legs uncomfortably, and then uncrossing them again.


“Um…so…I know…I know I was scared before, but I think I’m finally ready now.”


He looked confused. I figured I should get it all out there before I started to hyperventilate. I wiped the perspiration from my forehead and began to clarify.

“Like, to commit. I was really afraid before, you know? I didn’t want to get hurt.”


He lifted his hand up, as if to interrupt. Couldn’t he just let me finish? “…but, now I’ve realized that I have to let my guard down and let people in if I ever want to be happy. I need to put my feelings out there…”

“Yeah, um…”

“I want to stop playing games. I don’t want to waste time anymore. I guess, I just realized that I’ll never be completely sure whether it’s worth the risk or not, and this is as good as it’s going to get, because I really want to be with you.”

“Oh…right,” he stuttered. “Yeah, so, the thing is, this may be a bad time, but, I don’t actually like you.”

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