the conflicts of love 2

October 24, 2009
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...Right after she finished that thought the king bursted into the room with his many guards, arms flung out as if to welcome all of the guests. At that moment everyone dropped down to one knee and knelt before theyre king, as Lady Adela did so she looked the king over and wondered why she hadnt done so before, he was quite handsome if you took the time to realize. He was average hieght nicely built not to skinny not to fat and he was quite muscular, he had vibrant green eyes stunningly white teeth and was around 22 years old. His hair was a darkish brown that almost resembled oak, but she had no eyes for the king only for Lord Bryce. colin had been her friend for as long as she could remember, at least since they could walk. Now it was time to feast and everyone was getting bak up on two legs. "Its about time" Lady Adela whispers to Prince Colin as they took theyre seats "im ravenous" Prince whispers back. Then they ate. "O im stuffed!" muttered Lady Adela, "me too" agreed Prince Colin. "I think i ate my weight in food tonight" added Prince Colin. "Im going to go to my rooms, good night Colin" Lady Adela states. "good night Adela" Colin replies "ill see you in the morning?" Lady Adela asks. "Possibly... i might go ridding." Prince Colin loves his horses and always has, and he goes ridding almost every morning. "one day youre going to ride those horses into the ground" Adela teases with a smile on her face. Colin starts chuckleing "my horses will give up the day your bow does" Colin counters. Lady Adela is always with her bow shooting arrows or practicing fighting. She leaves then to go to bed with a slight smile on her face. "good night Colin" Adela says "good night Lady" replies Colin.

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C.C_Ello said...
Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:31 pm
I noticed a few spelling and grammar errors so you might want to check that. But overall, good story!
polyprincess16 said...
May 27, 2010 at 4:56 pm
I read both the conflicts of love stories, and they're pretty good. you're good at creating a description and usin imagery, i would just use better grammar and it will make the story easier to follow. keep working hard though. could you maybe look at some of my stuff?
jatz318 said...
Jan. 14, 2010 at 8:42 am
The idea isn't bad and it seems that you have some raw talent, but you have to write things in one tense and try to use more sophisticated sentence structure.
4evrheartbroken replied...
Jan. 29, 2010 at 11:13 am
alright. thank you i always like constructive criticism
jatz318 replied...
Jan. 29, 2010 at 9:32 pm
I really do like the descriptions you use though..."vibrant green eyes" really form a picture
4evrheartbroken replied...
Feb. 11, 2010 at 4:52 pm
thank you again. I always try to describe things when I write and I like to use adjectives;D it makes the story/poem seem more real.
4evrheartbroken said...
Dec. 25, 2009 at 10:06 pm
i just reread it again and i realized my mistakes, although there are less than the conflicts of love 1 they are still there. so anyone who was/ is going to critisize my grammar ill save you the typing.
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