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“Look, Kelly and I really love each other.” I don’t know why she hasn’t gotten this into her head yet. I stared at my ex-girlfriend, and felt part of me, the part that would always feel for her, plummet and writhe. Arianna had that way of looking so icily calm when she was angry, frightened, or beyond fury.
I waited her response with bated breath. Her words came out in an almost inaudible whisper.
“Then give me my heart back, John. I won’t be able to carry on without it.”
Why in the many worlds did he have to look so amazing? Why did he have to look so perfect?
His girlfriend was cowering in a corner, her long black hair outlining her flawless pale face. Her round black eyes looked from me to him. Her thin red lips quivered. She wanted to say something, I knew she did.
I stared at John, and felt the empty space where my heart once beat throb in longing. A thousand memories rushed in front of my eyes, and for a moment I swayed where I stood. I wanted him back. I wanted him to hold me again.
“I gave it back,” I whispered in that same steady voice. Arianna closed her dark blue eyes, the ones I had stared into for more than a year, and shook her head, biting her full pink lips. She had cut her long blonde hair short and had died it a violent red. Something about her shouted out “I love you!!!” while at the same time whispered “I’m dying. I’m not eating. I’m anorexic. But I don’t want your help.”
Why did she have to be so confusing? Kelly was so much more straight forward. She didn’t think about a thousand things at once like Arianna.
“You never did. You just tossed it aside, leaving it on the side of a long forgotten fork in the road while you took the left side and not the right.”
That’s food for thought. Let him digest that. I gazed deep into his ice blue eyes. His emotions were laid out for the world to see: ninety nine percent of it was devoted to Kelly. But there was one percent that reached out to me. It was all of his memories that made up that one percent. That one percent wanted to hold me one last time too, but the other ninety nine percent of him wanted nothing to do with me.
Why do I love you?
“Drop it, Arianna. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I love Kelly. I love only her. I don’t feel for you anymore.” I stared at the space over her head as I said this.
That last part was a lie. But I had to say it, didn’t I? Right.
I made the mistake of looking at her again.
Arianna was broken, a shell of what she used to be. That was what she was before we were together. That’s what she is now. A living shell.
Her face was twisted in a mixture of agony and comprehension. What did she see in my eyes? Did she know I was lying?
He turned away, going to walk over to his precious girlfriend.
I longed to be Kelly. I longed to be the center of that ninety nine percent.
“COWARD!” I shouted at his back. I saw him flinch. I never raised my voice unless I had to. HE knew that.
Tears began to slip down my face.
He kissed Kelly. He kissed her in front of me.
Inside, I was screaming. Outside, I simply sucked in a tight breath, turned around, and left.
I love you, I thought miserably. Goodbye, love. I won’t be seeing you again.
I pulled away from Kelly’s embrace. As I stared into her face, I realized that Kelly would never live up to Arianna’s shadow.
That small part of me whispered the truth.
I love you, Arianna.
I never heard it though. I just kept kissing Kelly while that small voice wept for my lost love.