It begins with a girl, a girl without a boy. She steps onto the dance floor and her problems fade away into nothingness… The music slowly surrounds her like a blanket, it tells her what to do and she does it with no hesitation. She spins around and around in circles under the colorful lights like she will never stop. She’s excited dancing all by herself flowing to open spaces on the dance floor wanting the whole floor to be hers. She dances and flows but then, the music suddenly slows… She stops herself half way through her graceful spin, she sees the boy. He is looking at her with his warm hazel eyes, he takes his eyes away first not wanting her wanting someone else. She longs for him but takes her eyes away too, embarrassed, she finishes her spin to take herself out of the trance he has on her. Once her spin is complete she sees that almost everyone around her is now finding their partner to slow dance with. Girls without a boy to dance with, like her, are slow dancing with friends just having fun and others are sitting watching while the boy they want is dancing with someone else. She will not surrender, not to either side, she will not sit out and watch her love longingly nor will she dance with someone who is not meant to be hers. So she continues spinning, spinning to the slow hum of the music, the music that speaks every word of what she is feeling right now. She wraps her arms around herself exactly the way she desperately desires for a boy to hold her. She closes her eyes but only for a second just to take away the image of everyone dancing with someone else and her dancing alone. She is trapped to the slow steady beat of the slow song that pulls all of the feelings that she left behind back to her with every word. The music slows and gets quieter threatening to slowly trail off and end. The song trails off while she takes one more slow graceful spin matching the music. The song morphs into something different something upbeat which has her smiling ready to get under the spotlight and dance the night away not caring what anyone says or thinks about her; except for the boy she wants so deeply. She shoves her feelings out of her so all she hears is the music no more thoughts just music just dancing; just her and the music and the dance floor no one else.. Her friends come up to her and tell her to calm down but that just makes her want to dance faster and more furiously. It makes her angry sad unwanted but then she realizes that she is thinking again. She gets closer to the sound system making the music blare in her ears so she will not hear her vicious thoughts tarring her smile away, she will not give into that. Not with people around watching… She looks for her friends maybe one of them will dance just like she is maybe they will feel the same rush, the same high. She desperately wants someone to be able to understand her just understand why she does this and why she loves it so much. She is not one to talk about her feelings but express them in different ways and she wishes that she didn’t have to tell her friends how she feels all the time she just wishes someone would already know what’s going on before she has to come out and say it in words that do not show her feelings. Then again the dance floor is where she doesn’t have to say a word she just does what she wants no matter what anyone says because the dance floor is her one and only healer. Her friends keep telling her “your making a fool of yourself.. Your messing up your hair.. You need to calm down..” but no she won’t she never will; right here right now is what calms her, what makes her different from everyone and she likes that. Her friends go up to eat but she won’t budge she hopes to stay on the dance floor all night just to catch that boy’s eye. The music gets quiet once more trailing off to something slow once more and she knows now that this is it her last chance to build up the courage to ask “her” boy to dance. She takes one long deep breath before taking one step at a time towards him. She notices that he has been staring at her and talking to his friends who are standing around him; she thinks.. Maybe he wants to dance maybe he is telling his friends that he likes me….. There is one last step to close the distance between them and she takes it feeling the butterflies in her stomach rise to her chest and then back down to her stomach again. She is confident and ready to ask; “Do you want to um.. Dance with me?” she asks him feeling the ultimate high as she waits for his reply. He looks into her eyes and once she see’s his deep brown ones she already knows that answer. “No…..” he whispers partly sorry for her but still not wanting her. She smiles politely and turns back to the dance floor. The slow song that had started is now blaring and that is all she can hear. She can’t take the slow song or the dancing or the people hugging their loved ones so she takes that final step.. And decides to cross the line, the line dividing the dance floor and the regular floor, and she hesitantly takes that final step off of the dance floor waiting for the excruciating song that is pulling her under to end. Her emotions rush to her there is no way out so she surrenders listening to her dreadful thoughts but not letting it show. She sits with her friends smiling and laughing when she is supposed to so it looks like she’s listening but truthfully she can only think about him.. Just him his eyes his words the way he said it everything just him nothing else not the music not the people not even the dance floor. She hears the song end and she is grateful she is ready to get back on the dance floor and forget everything that happened. She steps back on and for the last time she feels that high the lights are brighter the music is louder and her urge to dance forever is bigger.. The time has gone by and she only realizes how much time has gone by when the DJ says that this is the last song she’s devastated but she is going to dance to this last song like it is the last song she will ever get to dance to. She is dancing her heart out not caring who is watching or what her friends over in the corner are saying about her. The song is trailing off on her very last spin and she catches the boy one last time she stares into his eyes trying to find something there the tiniest feeling at all that he has for her. He looks away and the song ends the rush is gone every feeling she ever had tonight, gone. She feels empty but sure enough she makes one last spin and steps off of the dance floor looking back once and hoping to see this dance floor many more times in the future. Praying that one of those times someone will want to hold her to a slow song but for now she has no expectations just great memories of dancing the night away. She knows that the music can take her swallow her up and she will dance around in circles and never stop because in her dreams she is out on that dance floor and in her dreams she never surrenders…..
Dance Dance Dance.....I Will Never Stop
October 21, 2009