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Blue Moon

“You used to talk to me like I was the only one in your world,” The thin words escaped my lips; my breath came out like a misty fog and contrasted against the black skies. “But now, now you talk to me like I was the one to destroy your world…” I trailed off, voice cracking. I raised my hung head, searching for his dark eyes. But something died inside of me when I see that all his eyes held was hate and blame. “I thought maybe…maybe you loved me,” The cry ran deep through my freezing skin. The salty tears of my pain threatened to spill over and I could feel the panic raising in me.

“I thought so too,” His words floated in the air, and when they touched my skin I could feel their blades digging deeper into my aching heart. Around us the wind stopped, and the silence seemed to layer everything with misery and hurt caused by heartbreak. Winter’s chill danced across my exposed arms and shivers ran down my spine.

“We used to have this figured out, Darren. And I don’t think I can say goodbye,” I shook my head, the overwhelming sorrow easing into my heart and soul. How could everything that was so right, go so wrong?

“Well, I guess you’re gonna have to. I’m sorry Hali, but I can’t do this anymore.” His dark and husky voice sliced through my oxygen and I felt the wind beneath my wings falter.

“Do what?” I yelled, asking for the answers that I’ve been craving. Why couldn’t he bear to hold my hand? Why so many pauses and awkward silence? Why can’t things just be like two months ago? What was making being an ‘us’ so agonizing?

I watched him slowly turn back to me, and feeling the raw hurt of having to lose him. I really thought his was ‘the one’, and I would have given anything for him to love me again. Shadows played on his tall figure, and he hunched his shoulders under the dark leather jacket and scarf. I remember the first time we met; he gave me his jacket to keep me warm against the frigid winter snow and from there on we’ve been close. But now, his toffee brown hair is messy and the bags under his eyes prove that he can’t sleep at night either.

“This, Hali. Even if I do love you, you push me away! When you wake up in the night, afraid and searching, I’m there for you. But you never tell me what’s wrong. Every time you cringe away from my embrace, or holding hands; I feel like you’re afraid of me! Or that I’m hurting you by just being around. And Hali, I can’t deal with it anymore. I can’t deal with thinking that the one person who I love with all my heart, and is suppose to love me, is frightened of me. And it kills me to leave, but I’m tired. And I think this is best,” My nightmare became reality when he spoke. I knew that I was guilty of everything he accused. But it still ran deep and felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside out. So I spoke the words I was most terrified of saying.

“This is why,” The small whisper floated across the space between us. Much like the ocean, it seemed like a giant void before us. “This is why, Darren. I am afraid, but not of you. I’m afraid of this!” I threw my hands into the night air. “I’m afraid of losing you. Every night I dream of you walking away, and I feel my world ending. I cringe away because I’m afraid that if I keep you too close, you’ll tire of me. And look what I’ve done, my nightmare has become reality! I can’t even think of my life without you here…I love you, Darren!” The pressure against my chest freed and I finally could breathe.

“I’m sorry. But it’s too late,” Was the last words Darren ever said to me. And as my world got crushed, and the tears spilt over, I looked into the night sky. Above me, a blue moon shined. And for one second, I thought that maybe Darren will change his mind. That maybe all my pain will end when he comes running back. That maybe just this once, an average girl like me deserved a happy ending. But that maybe ended when I realized that not even in a blue moon will miracles like that happen…





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ImNotAStalker said...
Sept. 24, 2010 at 6:51 pm
that waz really good but it made me want to cry
 
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