We are beautiful. We are doomed.

October 14, 2009
The elevator was down the hall and I went to the bottom floor and hunted down a taxi. There was a chill in the air that traveled through my body, giving me a kind of energy that I didn’t have before. I still had on my cream dress but to fight against the cold I wore my long coat and I felt very comfortable in the cramped taxi. I checked my phone to see the time and it was 6:50. John said he would get there around 7 so with the taxi driver’s scary driving, I could get there a little after then. The sun had already set and the city was lit up with bright lights everywhere. I always loved looking out the window at night in NY. It dazzled me every time. The ride wasn’t all that bad and sooner than I thought we arrived in front of the bar. It was still fairly early so it wasn’t that packed but there was a good amount of people scattered about. I stepped out of the taxi in my heels and balanced myself. The nerves started up again but a smile appeared on my face and I felt excited to see my old friend. I could feel my pulse beating harder and harder as I walked closer to the entrance. The place was small and you could only see a little when looking through the doors. It gave off a very edgy yet posh feel, which I liked very much.
“Can I see your I.D?” asked one of the bouncers. I pulled out my wallet clumsily and showed him my identification. He waved me in and my heart raced. The inside was dimly lit and crowded with several different kinds of people. There were beautiful small chandeliers hanging over some tables and then the bar had interesting colored lights illuminating the counter. My eyes searched around the room to find John, but I couldn’t spot him. I felt slightly self conscious standing alone so I went over to the bar and sat down on a stool. “What can I get ya?” asked a fairly good looking bartender who had his sleeves pushed up while cleaning a few glasses. I thought about ordering a drink but decided to wait until John got there. “I’m fine thanks. I’m waiting for some one.” He nodded his head. “Alright. Just let me know when your ready.” He winked and then went over to some one else. After sitting awhile, I reached into my purse to find my phone and looked to see if there were any messages. None. It was already 7:15. I thought about how John said around 7, which meant he could be here any minute. So I sat and waited.
My head began to get dizzy as more and more people came into the bar. There were now people sitting next to me and I just held my head in my hand as I dangled the phone between my fingers. I called John twice leaving messages but there was no answer. The bartender looked at me occasionally with a pitiful look and I wanted to so desperately wipe that look off his face and prove that I wasn’t here alone. But I couldn’t, because John still hadn’t shown up. Finally I gave in and ordered a drink. I thought it might look better if I ordered something when John came then as if I was sitting here doing nothing as I waited.
“Yes I’ll have a Rum and coke please.” He made it right then and placed the glass in front of me. I thanked him and sipped it. This drink warmed my veins and made me feel a little better, but it couldn’t numb the disappointment and fear that took over. It was 7:45 and I began to feel mad. People laughed loudly and drinks were spilt near me. I felt like I didn’t deserve this. For god sake I was just on the late night show with Letterman. I finished the drink and dropped it on the counter. My fingers were shaking and tears were forming in my eyes. When I was about to get up from the stool, my phone rang. My heart stopped and suddenly I felt as if there was a logical explanation for this tardiness. I wouldn’t have to feel hurt or abandoned. It was John. I picked up with much haste. “John! Hello!” “Alice? Hi Alice. Um yeah…” I froze. Oh no. “I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier. I ended up staying here. I think I’m just going to go to the city next month. Turns out Britney and I are getting back together. Great huh?” My jaw dropped open and I stood still next to the stool. He remained quiet, waiting for my response, but I couldn’t take it. I slammed the phone shut and threw it in my purse. Everything inside me was burning and I wanted to explode. Without thinking I turned and searched for the bartender, Ed. “A shot of tequila.” I said loud and clear. He squinted his eyes and then bent down and poured the liquor into a shot glass. Carefully he placed it in front of me and slowly walked towards another woman. I grasped the tiny cup in my shaky fingers and threw back the liquid as it burned down my throat.
I dropped the shot glass onto the bar and grabbed my purse to leave. When I took a step my head turned dizzy and I fell back onto the stool. Many emotions were rushing through my body and I had to place my hand on my head to try to focus. But then an overwhelming rush of tears started coming up and I looked around feeling embarrassed. A few people were looking at me strangely and I felt so alone. I stood up carefully, took a deep breath, and rushed out of the bar holding back the tears. I pushed through several people saying excuse me through my quavering voice and finally found the exit. With my hands I pushed open the door and fell out into the cold autumn night. I felt the wall along the sidewalk and held myself for support as I bent over and sobbed. My chest heaved up and down as I let all of my frustration out. I placed my back to the wall and slowly slid down until I was crouched down on the cement. There seemed to be no one outside luckily at that moment. So I let the tears fall down onto my cheeks as I wrapped my arms around my waist to keep warm. I thought maybe I could wait a moment and then I could try to get a cab and go home. But at that moment I was too exhausted to move.
“Are you alright?” I looked up frightfully to see a guy in a black leather jacket standing a few feet away smoking. I felt incredibly embarrassed and just wiped my eyes and looked down hoping he would just go away. Instead he walked closer and held out a box of cigarettes offering me one. I looked at the box thinking I should refuse and get up and find a taxi. But for some reason I reached out and took one. He placed the box back in his pocket and took out a lighter. My heart raced and I didn’t know exactly what I was doing. The stranger in the leather jacket bent down next to me and lit the end of the cigarette and as the flame appeared I saw his eyes. They were large and blue and I swear I thought my heart stopped at that moment. But then the flame was gone and everything was dark again. I blew the smoke out into the air and watched it blow away beautifully into the sky. My eyes stung already from the tears and I wiped my nose a little trying to act normal. The guy was standing now taking a drag on his cigarette and then he looked at me and squinted his eyes. “You look familiar. What’s your name?” He asked after thinking a little. I looked down but then decided to tell him. “Alice. My name’s Alice.” He nodded his head slowly but then a light bulb lit up in his head.
“I saw you on a cover of one of those magazines when I got a bagel this morning! That was going to bother me for awhile.” He laughed lightly and I just looked at him, slightly baffled at the situation. I looked at the cigarette in my hand and decided that I would be better safe and warm at home. So I held onto the side of the wall and prepared to find a taxi. But as I was about to walk over towards the street I heard that same British voice ask, “Why were you crying? If you don’t mind me asking?” I stopped and turned to look back at the man. He was lit up by one of the street lamps and I could see that he was actually very good looking. He had dark blonde hair pushed up in the front and he had a few layers on, seeming to give off a grungy yet put together look. I was so taken by his appearance that I almost forgot about his question. But in the heat of the moment I asked slowly, “Who are you?” He smiled and extended his arm out for a hand shake. “My name’s Jamie.” I looked down at his hand and with some hesitation shook it. As I touched his skin, a spark seemed to electrify my heart like nothing I had ever experienced before. He then slowly let go of my hand and leaned towards me. “So are you going to tell me why you were crying?” I looked down again and felt embarrassed, thinking of how I rushed out there sobbing. “It’s embarrassing. I just want to forget it.” Jamie straightened up and while staring out into the street flicked his cigarette stub out and looked back at me.
“It’ll make you feel better. Trust me.” I was mystified by his persistence and strangely complied. “Ugh this is so stupid. Basically I was supposed to meet an old friend here but they… never showed. Okay?” I sighed, remembering the feeling and looked away. “Was it a guy or a girl?” I looked at Jamie and furrowed my brow. “A guy.” He seemed to suddenly understand now why I was in an emotional state. He walked over to the street staring out into the city, rubbing his hair and then turned back to face me. “Do you want to go some where . . . with me?” I was completely baffled and couldn’t come up with an answer. This man I just met outside of a bar where I was supposed to meet an old friend was asking me to go somewhere with him? “Come on. Forget about that d**che bag and have some fun. I promise if you’re with me, you won’t be bored.” My heart raced and I looked around, weighing the options in my head. But when I looked back at Jamie and I couldn’t say no. “Okay” I said. He smiled and everything went all fuzzy.

Join the Discussion

This article has 7 comments. Post your own now!

aliceleigh123 said...
Nov. 29, 2009 at 2:15 pm
 http ://www.scribd .com /doc/23338447/We-Are-Beautiful-We-Are-Doomed
biddycakes said...
Nov. 15, 2009 at 7:40 pm
this is one of my favorites you hould definatly write more!
aliceleigh123 replied...
Nov. 15, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Aw thank you! I actually wrote 75 pages and pretty much finished it. If you want to read more I can give you the link to the whole thing. Again thankyou for the comment!!! I realy appreciate it : )
michelle_my_belle replied...
Nov. 16, 2009 at 6:06 pm
I'd like to read it too :) What's the link?
adorabiblegirl said...
Nov. 15, 2009 at 6:57 pm
oooh you should write more
aliceleigh123 replied...
Nov. 15, 2009 at 7:49 pm
I actually have the whole thing written. If you want the whole thing or more just let me know. I'd love to hear what you think : )
adorabiblegirl replied...
Nov. 15, 2009 at 7:54 pm
I want the whole thing!!!!
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