A Teenage Love Story 2

September 29, 2009
By JustMe212 GOLD, Atlanta, Georgia
JustMe212 GOLD, Atlanta, Georgia
10 articles 0 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you want to look young and Beautiful, stand next to ugly old people.
(love this, hilarious :)


It was a warm June night, the sun just a glimpse above the horizon, with a slight breeze, brushing lightly against my skin. I could feel my dark brown hair flowing with the direction of the wind as i went round and round on the carousel. I closed my eyes and listened to the soft carnival music in the background of people talking and laughing. Even with my eyes closed, I could still see the joyful faces of children, their eyes wide with excitement, their parents watching them carefully and happily. I smiled, capturing the moment. I made sure to mentally write down all the details in my head, so I could retell it exactly to my parents. It’s been nearly a week since I last seen them and would be another month or two until I would see them again, although before leaving they made me promise to call them whenever I wanted but at least, once a week. Their 20th anniversary was last week, so as my gift, I decided to go stay with my aunt in California for the summer. As my mind drifted to my home back in New Jersey, I felt the carousel slowly come to a stop. I gently opened my eyes and let out a happy sigh. I laughed as I struggled to get off my carousel horse. Feeling dizzy, I went to find a place to sit. As I sat down on a nearby bench, my eyes swept the carnival for a corndog stand. Aha. Spotting one, I started walking towards it. Halfway there, knowing I was supposed to call my aunt at 9:30, I decided to see what time it was. I looked down in my bag and began searching for my phone. Suddenly, I ran into someone. “Sorr-“, I looked up unexpectedly into the striking blue eyes of a drop dead gorgeous stranger. He looked about my age, if not a year older and was an inch taller than me. No words could even begin to describe him.
My heart pounding, I tried to catch my breath. Just when I thought he couldn’t get any hotter, Gorgeous Stranger smiled, making his eyes twinkle and my conclusion rip into shreds. Finally catching my breath again, I tried to speak again. “Sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going, I….My…..Sorry” I stuttered. He laughed, and then smiled again. “Don’t be”, he said. Even the sound of his voice made my heart explode. He held out his hand. “I’m Jonah, by the way “I held out my hand, meeting his. My hand tingled. “Skyler’ I said back, matching his smile. “Do you live around here? I don’t think I’ve seen you around town before.” Deep breathes, deep breathes, I thought to myself. “N-No, I’m just visiting my Aunt for the summer. I live in New Jersey. What about you??” I asked. “I moved here about five years ago from Portland Oregon, so I’ve lived here for some time. How long are you staying with your aunt?” His eyes seemed to sink into mine; making it seem as though each thing I said really mattered. As if I really mattered. My heart fluttered as though it were a butterfly trying to escape. The odd, yet amazing thing was, that, even though it was breathe taking, I loved the feeling of excitement. I wanted to jump up and scream, as though a bubbly volcano had erupted. I could feel it building inside me, as his eyes continued to stare into mine. I loved the way he_oh, wait, he asked me a question. It was hard to concentrate on anything when I was staring at him. He was so beautiful, with th-C***, I was doing it again. Okay, Okay, answer the question, Skyler. “F-F-For the summer”, I said. Ahhhh! Why do I keep stuttering? He probably thinks I have a speaking disorder, I thought. He smiled again.” Cool, maybe we can hang out sometime. I could show you around town, if you’d like”, he said. Oh yes, Skyler would like, Skyler would like Very Much…. “Sure, that sounds like fun. When would y-“, I started to ask, but suddenly I was cut off. “Jonah! I’ve been looking all over for you pookie poo! “ I turned to see who rudely interrupted me, and saw a gorgeous blonde walking toward us with two almost as equally gorgeous girls, one taller, the other average height. The one who was taller was also blonde, but the average height one was a brunette. Judging by the way the gorgeous blonde was walking just slightly ahead of them, I could tell she was the leader of their group. And judging by the look she was giving me, I could tell she wasn’t too fond of me. Great, I already have someone who hates my guts. I sighed. Super. They all seemed to walk in unison, and as if they owned the place, like they were better than everyone else. Their eyes weren’t exactly friendly. As they got closer, I could see two guys with them, who seemed to trail the other two like puppies, obviously their boyfriends. I realized in disappointment that the leader didn’t seem to have one, but apparently wanted one, by the seducing look she was giving Jonah. My stomach turned. “Hey Tara. Hey Steph, hey Cammie. What’s up John, Caleb?” Jonah said to them all, giving me an apologetic look. So the leader was Tara, the two behind her were Steph and Cammie, and the guys were John and Caleb,I thought, hoping I could remember which is which. As they reached where we were standing, Tara went and stood by Jonah; very close, I might add, while the others sort of circled around. Tara wrapped her arms around Jonah. “Where have you been, we looked all over for you!” she said. She gave me a dirty look. “Who are you? C***. Someone call B**** 911. I smiled at my little snide comment, and was tempted to laugh when I saw that my little grin seemed to annoy Tara. Jonah, however, seemed to look amused again. With a deep breath, I told myself that I would remain neutral if anything should happen. At least for now, HeHe. “Hi, I’m Skyler. I’m visiting here from New Jersey for the summer.”Nice. I smiled to myself. Lets just hope I could stay calm for the rest of the night.


The author's comments:
This is the first part edited and the second part. There will be more to come :)

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This article has 156 comments.


Lindsey31 GOLD said...
on Apr. 9 2012 at 3:41 pm
Lindsey31 GOLD, Rockford, Minnesota
11 articles 11 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
LIVE life ~ LAUGH always ~ LOVE lots

Paragraphs would help a LOT, like Samantha S. said. There were also a lot of puncuation errors that made me lose my place at times.

on Mar. 18 2012 at 1:52 am
Samantha Spilman BRONZE, Kansas City, Missouri
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
I really think paragraphs would help. But other than that its perfect!

C.M.L. BRONZE said...
on Mar. 1 2012 at 4:13 pm
C.M.L. BRONZE, San Jose, California
3 articles 4 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
wobbledy wobbledy wa wobble wobble

I'm not sure why this was voted as one of the top pieces of the week. First off, the mechanics need some serious work; the author frequently switched between tenses, making it confusing for the reader to follow, and made many spelling and grammar errors. There are also no paragraphs. As for content, it was not very original; it sounds like just another teenage love story, as the author has so aptly named it.

However, the author did a good job of leading the reader along. The story had a nice flow, which was albeit interrupted by the shoddy mechanics.


on Feb. 25 2012 at 12:00 pm
julialove94 SILVER, Rancho Cucamonga, California
6 articles 1 photo 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I live to write, not write to live"

Yeah it has one of those Nicholas Sparks feelings but it would make a great story though depending on where you go with it :)

on Feb. 12 2012 at 2:42 pm
Haley_Elizabeth GOLD, Wallingford, Vermont
12 articles 0 photos 90 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Embrace imperfection rather than hide your flaws."

Agreed. And the grammer and spelling need some work.

mfizzle4321 said...
on Feb. 3 2012 at 8:42 pm
this was great. Unfortunately this sounds JUST LIKE the last song. by nicholas sparks. nobody likes a copycat weiner.

dya.o PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 3 2012 at 4:08 pm
dya.o PLATINUM, Milton, Florida
43 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If consensus is overrated, I think balance is, too.
I have no interest in living a balanced life.
I want a life of adventure.” | Chris Guillebeau

Oh my garsh im not gonna be able to wait for the third part. Gotta hand it to you though...your very talented.

Hilidan SILVER said...
on Feb. 3 2012 at 8:36 am
Hilidan SILVER, Istanbul, Other
5 articles 0 photos 52 comments
Yes.If you break the story into paragraphs it will be much more good.The story was very good and I wait the third part with exicitement.Good effort.

on Jan. 14 2012 at 12:33 pm
OneDirectionInfection, Parsippany, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
Agreed....

on Jan. 12 2012 at 10:05 pm
AndSoItGoes01 GOLD, Reno, Nevada
10 articles 0 photos 149 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The winter I told you icicles are magic, you stole an enormous icicle from my neighbors shingle, and gave it to me as a gift, I kept it in my freezer for seven months. Love isn't always magic, sometimes it's melting." -Andrea Gibson

I read this before you got voted first and loved it! Happy you got it voted first! It's a great story and you did a great job with it and deserve it being voted first! :)

gokartgirl14 said...
on Jan. 12 2012 at 4:27 pm
gokartgirl14, Cresco, Iowa
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
It was over all a good story but it does neeed to be edited and should be split into paragraphs so it is easier to read.

on Dec. 25 2011 at 2:31 pm
garthgirl8888 BRONZE, Long Beach, California
2 articles 0 photos 20 comments
This was okay, but really I'm unsure of what the hype is about. It is a standard romance, not that interesting... however, to make it better you could break it up into paragraphs, work on your grammar and spelling, and show instead of telling. However, I think that the basic question is whether this story is unique enough to survive, and I don't think it's done that.

on Dec. 24 2011 at 7:42 am
SiaHilion BRONZE, Jaipur, Other
1 article 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
you can hate me you can love me but u can not ignore me..

..all the emotions studded beautifully and realistically into this piece..u could make it more romantic..although this isnt bad at all...keep going..

siona BRONZE said...
on Dec. 22 2011 at 4:22 pm
siona BRONZE, Nashville, Tennessee
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments
It was kind of cliche at the begginning, but I grew to love it. Very nice work. It wasn't easy on the eyes though, so make sure next time you space out your work so that it is easier to read (i.e. paragraph breaks, double space) These things are really important especially when you want to make your characters talk to each other

on Dec. 21 2011 at 10:15 pm
FatesMistake13, Springerville, Arizona
0 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes." Oscar Wilde

"The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame."

I will have to admit at the beginning the cliche-ness of it all was kind of bugging me, but the character and how she reacted made up for it. :)

vintage BRONZE said...
on Dec. 21 2011 at 12:22 pm
vintage BRONZE, Oakland, California
3 articles 1 photo 3 comments
Thank you!

writer015 GOLD said...
on Dec. 21 2011 at 9:57 am
writer015 GOLD, Howard, Ohio
11 articles 13 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. " --Marianne Williamson

Thats the only way to vote, its like rating it. The higher its rated, the bigger chance it'll appear on the main of something. The highest ones are on the home page along with the ones that got published in the magazine

vintage BRONZE said...
on Nov. 29 2011 at 8:33 pm
vintage BRONZE, Oakland, California
3 articles 1 photo 3 comments
I am new to this site and I was wondering if the stars (rating) is the same as voting, and if not, how does one vote?

titanica said...
on Nov. 25 2011 at 9:46 pm
titanica, Rogers, Arkansas
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
you can do anything you put your mind to

i love this i read this in class on my ipad and couldnt stop reading. this is one of the greatest storys iv ever read

BluBliss GOLD said...
on Nov. 12 2011 at 7:01 pm
BluBliss GOLD, New York, New York
14 articles 0 photos 161 comments

Favorite Quote:
Bella's love for Edward was like, "Omg. He's hot. He's mine because he sparkles. Now I'll brood the wholle book while I'm with him."

Dude, the bad words are all star-ed out. Some advice, there are bad words everywhere in real life- embrace them or be stuck using caps like a spammer for the rest of your life.


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