Apartment Girl

August 26, 2009
By beautifulpeople SILVER, Houston, Texas
beautifulpeople SILVER, Houston, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do what you want to do but be ready for the consequences."


My date walked me up my apartment stairs. He was saying something about a great night, I don’t know. I was tuning him out, thinking about a nice warm bath with lilac-smelling bubbles. It was rude to do that, trust me I know. But he was boring.
“So I really enjoyed your company. And I had a great night. I thought the movie was good. And the food tasted really good.” Blah, blah, blah. I tried not to roll my eyes. Every guy has said the same thing.
“Oh yeah, me too. You are so funny!” I smiled and touched his arm, trying to be nice but this guy was a pain. Sure he could make me laugh but that’s not exactly hard to do. A lamp can make me laugh. The smile didn’t reach my eyes, I could feel it. He takes my hand. It was sweaty and gross. I sound like a total brat. Gosh, someone should seriously slap me. I mean the guys nice but if I stopped liking him in the middle of the date that’s bad, right? A second date wouldn’t go very well. We stop at the top of the stairs and he leans forward, waiting for a kiss. I give him a quick peck, say bye, and walk into my apartment building.
“Another date, Ms. Kristabel?” The front desk guy asks me. He always sees me with different men. I’m not a slut, though. Just a girl looking for love.
“Yes, but this one didn’t go well either. Personally, I don’t think there’s a guy out there for me. I’ve dated almost every freakin’ fish in the sea.” I sigh and push the button for the elevator. This apartment strikes me as interesting. Their front entrance looks so grand, I mean the floors actually look like real marble and the maroon walls and fancy couches add zest to the place. They have three floors that go up, and three floors that go down. I just think that’s so cool.
“Well, Ms. Kristabel there’s always someone out there. Just don’t give up.” I look back at him and pray with my eyes that he is right. He just smiles and nods his head at me, while the doors slide open. I walk in and press 2D so I can go two floors down away from the guy that I almost fell for. The memory pops into my head. When I first moved here, he was working there. The desk guy was stunningly handsome. Sharp cheek bones, a prominent jaw, black wavy hair, and these brown eyes that melted you when you looked into them, no matter how cold your heart was.
I was holding a box full of my crap when he caught my gaze, and perhaps my feet because the next thing I know I went skidding onto the floor and my crap fell out. His deep chuckle came from beside me as he started picking up the clothes. Bras, panties, you name it, it was on that floor. I get off the elevator and amble over to my door, number 52.



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This article has 114 comments.


on Oct. 29 2012 at 10:25 pm
Skookie97 BRONZE, Redding, California
2 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Every time a door closes, another opens...

I love how you ended it. As a reader it leaves me with something to think about. I like how descriptive you were of everything. I just have one request.... keep on writing and publishing!

on Oct. 7 2012 at 9:52 am
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

I agree with 48Dragonwriter. Write another! It was really good by the way. :)

on Oct. 2 2012 at 5:03 pm
48Dragonwriter GOLD, Wildorado, Texas
12 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
“A room without books is like a body without a soul.”

i truely enjoyed your story but I feel it could use a sequal i hope to see one

on Aug. 17 2012 at 3:02 pm
super8 PLATINUM, Manhattan, Kansas
30 articles 9 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out!"

Good story that showed flashes of potential. It sounded good, but it feels incomplete (Thus the cries for a 2nd part). Well done though. 

on Aug. 17 2012 at 2:59 pm
super8 PLATINUM, Manhattan, Kansas
30 articles 9 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out!"

I've gotta agree with The_Succinct_Sophist on this one. I would not like somebody putting a comment like this on one of my stories, and I'm sure you wouldn't either (not to mention the author!). 

on Jul. 11 2012 at 11:46 pm
Syncopation BRONZE, Mt. Vernon, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
But what is liberty without wisdom, and without virtue? It is the greatest of all possible evils; for it is folly, vice, and madness, without tuition or restraint. --Burke

Hannah, I found this comment really rude. This author put their work out into the open for constructive criticism. What you said was not constructive, nor was it really criticism. It was a blatant put-down. If you don't like it, rate it and leave. Or don't rate it at all.

Like you, I didn't understand the ending very well, but I'm sure that the author has something in store. I resent it when someone uses the internet to make themselves feel better by running others down.


Varlen-Byrd said...
on Jul. 11 2012 at 6:47 pm
Varlen-Byrd, Santa Cruz, California
0 articles 1 photo 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”

I like it! the thoughts were very real and you created a good image. keep writing i want to know what happened that made her almost fall in love.

Hannah295 said...
on May. 28 2012 at 11:54 pm
I can do way better than that and I hated the ending.

on May. 28 2012 at 1:28 pm
kelliemallen BRONZE, San Diego, California
2 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.
Henry Van Dyke

O.o you're an amazing writer... Love it!

vazenitran98 said...
on May. 28 2012 at 7:57 am
vazenitran98, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 79 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street,I met a man who had no feet."

Is there going to be a part 2? And a part 3? Because guess what? This was phenomenal work!

RainbowChild said...
on May. 17 2012 at 7:15 am
RainbowChild, Svannah, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind.
-John Fitzgerald Kennedy

This was realy good I hope you keep writing

 


on May. 6 2012 at 10:58 am
GodSpell98 GOLD, Lincoln, Nebraska
18 articles 1 photo 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"THE HUNKY-DORY THING ZAPPED ME!!" or "“We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams”. or anything from Lord of the Rings or Star Trek.

Great so far! I really hope you keep working on this, and I like how it's realistic. I want to know why she ALMOST fell for the guy--what made her stop falling? Please continue!

on Apr. 14 2012 at 11:10 pm
_ella_herondale BRONZE, San Diego, California
4 articles 2 photos 224 comments

Favorite Quote:
"...If the Thames that ran beside them...recalled a night where the moon shone as brightly as a shilling on the same boy and girl... and thought to themselves, 'at last, the wheel comes full circle,' they kept their silence."

Wow. I was really into this. It's very realistic, very compelling, and very well thought out. I did think there should be more though, because without a real ending, it seems very rough. Will there be more? I would love there to be!

on Mar. 23 2012 at 2:19 pm
practicallyquixotic, Burdick,, Kansas
0 articles 7 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The thief does not come except to steal and kill, and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."
John 10:10

Great story and I love the way that you started it!! It can be hard to write the first parts of stories. My only criticism is to watch your tenses; you changed them during the story:

"My date walked me up my apartment stairs......"

I get off the elevator and amble over to my door, number 52."

 


kyrireese GOLD said...
on Mar. 23 2012 at 10:57 am
kyrireese GOLD, Dallas, Texas
17 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything will absolutely be all right."
"Hold fast to dreams." - Langston Hughes

Very realistic. I can relate.

on Mar. 1 2012 at 10:30 am
JasmineNoelle1 BRONZE, There Is No Need To Know This !!!, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
You never needed to change my darling you just need to have confidence in yourself to be yourself and not change for someone else.

It might sound dumb or something but I also wasn't really reading it like I was actually imagining what was going on but that's good for me. It was good to me because I could of actually image what was going on. I love it. And you should write the second part.

on Feb. 8 2012 at 12:23 pm
Hannayye BRONZE, Trophy Club, Texas
4 articles 1 photo 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I will never fail you. I will never abandon you." Hebrews 13:5

It definitely needs more! Keep writing!

on Feb. 8 2012 at 11:20 am
GingerLily BRONZE, Aulnay-sur-Mauldre, Other
3 articles 6 photos 79 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world" - Oscar Wilde

I wasn't actually reading this . . . I saw seeing it all happen. Her reactions are so true to how a human would actually act. I love this piece so much.

on Feb. 8 2012 at 11:19 am
missunderstood@04 BRONZE, Faridabad, Other
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments
A second part would be great.!

Sail_ BRONZE said...
on Jan. 17 2012 at 12:32 pm
Sail_ BRONZE, Eugene, Oregon
3 articles 10 photos 196 comments
yeah i agree with Nessa! it should go on!!! but it was still great!


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