Apartment Girl

August 26, 2009
My date walked me up my apartment stairs. He was saying something about a great night, I don’t know. I was tuning him out, thinking about a nice warm bath with lilac-smelling bubbles. It was rude to do that, trust me I know. But he was boring.
“So I really enjoyed your company. And I had a great night. I thought the movie was good. And the food tasted really good.” Blah, blah, blah. I tried not to roll my eyes. Every guy has said the same thing.
“Oh yeah, me too. You are so funny!” I smiled and touched his arm, trying to be nice but this guy was a pain. Sure he could make me laugh but that’s not exactly hard to do. A lamp can make me laugh. The smile didn’t reach my eyes, I could feel it. He takes my hand. It was sweaty and gross. I sound like a total brat. Gosh, someone should seriously slap me. I mean the guys nice but if I stopped liking him in the middle of the date that’s bad, right? A second date wouldn’t go very well. We stop at the top of the stairs and he leans forward, waiting for a kiss. I give him a quick peck, say bye, and walk into my apartment building.
“Another date, Ms. Kristabel?” The front desk guy asks me. He always sees me with different men. I’m not a slut, though. Just a girl looking for love.
“Yes, but this one didn’t go well either. Personally, I don’t think there’s a guy out there for me. I’ve dated almost every freakin’ fish in the sea.” I sigh and push the button for the elevator. This apartment strikes me as interesting. Their front entrance looks so grand, I mean the floors actually look like real marble and the maroon walls and fancy couches add zest to the place. They have three floors that go up, and three floors that go down. I just think that’s so cool.
“Well, Ms. Kristabel there’s always someone out there. Just don’t give up.” I look back at him and pray with my eyes that he is right. He just smiles and nods his head at me, while the doors slide open. I walk in and press 2D so I can go two floors down away from the guy that I almost fell for. The memory pops into my head. When I first moved here, he was working there. The desk guy was stunningly handsome. Sharp cheek bones, a prominent jaw, black wavy hair, and these brown eyes that melted you when you looked into them, no matter how cold your heart was.
I was holding a box full of my crap when he caught my gaze, and perhaps my feet because the next thing I know I went skidding onto the floor and my crap fell out. His deep chuckle came from beside me as he started picking up the clothes. Bras, panties, you name it, it was on that floor. I get off the elevator and amble over to my door, number 52.

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This article has 114 comments. Post your own now!

Skookie97 said...
Oct. 29, 2012 at 10:25 pm
I love how you ended it. As a reader it leaves me with something to think about. I like how descriptive you were of everything. I just have one request.... keep on writing and publishing!
guardianofthestars This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:52 am
I agree with 48Dragonwriter. Write another! It was really good by the way. :)
48Dragonwriter said...
Oct. 2, 2012 at 5:03 pm
i truely enjoyed your story but I feel it could use a sequal i hope to see one
Alan B. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 17, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Good story that showed flashes of potential. It sounded good, but it feels incomplete (Thus the cries for a 2nd part). Well done though. 
Varlen-Byrd said...
Jul. 11, 2012 at 6:47 pm
I like it! the thoughts were very real and you created a good image. keep writing i want to know what happened that made her almost fall in love.
Hannah295 said...
May 28, 2012 at 11:54 pm
I can do way better than that and I hated the ending.
The_Succinct_Sophist replied...
Jul. 11, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Hannah, I found this comment really rude. This author put their work out into the open for constructive criticism. What you said was not constructive, nor was it really criticism. It was a blatant put-down. If you don't like it, rate it and leave. Or don't rate it at all.

Like you, I didn't understand the ending very well, but I'm sure that the author has something in store. I resent it when someone uses the internet to make themselves feel better by running others down.

Alan B. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 17, 2012 at 2:59 pm
I've gotta agree with The_Succinct_Sophist on this one. I would not like somebody putting a comment like this on one of my stories, and I'm sure you wouldn't either (not to mention the author!). 
happyagain said...
May 28, 2012 at 1:28 pm
O.o you're an amazing writer... Love it!
vazenitran98 said...
May 28, 2012 at 7:57 am
Is there going to be a part 2? And a part 3? Because guess what? This was phenomenal work!
RainbowChild said...
May 17, 2012 at 7:15 am

This was realy good I hope you keep writing


GodSpell98 said...
May 6, 2012 at 10:58 am
Great so far! I really hope you keep working on this, and I like how it's realistic. I want to know why she ALMOST fell for the guy--what made her stop falling? Please continue!
SilverSun said...
Apr. 14, 2012 at 11:10 pm
Wow. I was really into this. It's very realistic, very compelling, and very well thought out. I did think there should be more though, because without a real ending, it seems very rough. Will there be more? I would love there to be!
practicallyquixotic said...
Mar. 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Great story and I love the way that you started it!! It can be hard to write the first parts of stories. My only criticism is to watch your tenses; you changed them during the story:

"My date walked me up my apartment stairs......"

I get off the elevator and amble over to my door, number 52."


Tori W. said...
Mar. 23, 2012 at 10:57 am
Very realistic. I can relate.
SpeakingLifeofSerenity said...
Mar. 1, 2012 at 10:30 am
It might sound dumb or something but I also wasn't really reading it like I was actually imagining what was going on but that's good for me. It was good to me because I could of actually image what was going on. I love it. And you should write the second part.
Lillie M. said...
Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:20 am
I wasn't actually reading this . . . I saw seeing it all happen. Her reactions are so true to how a human would actually act. I love this piece so much.
Kanupriya S. said...
Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:19 am
A second part would be great.!
Nessa13 said...
Jan. 17, 2012 at 8:48 am
This was a really good story, but why did you end it like that??
Falling.Up. replied...
Jan. 17, 2012 at 12:32 pm
yeah i agree with Nessa! it should go on!!! but it was still great!
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