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Apartment Girl

My date walked me up my apartment stairs. He was saying something about a great night, I don’t know. I was tuning him out, thinking about a nice warm bath with lilac-smelling bubbles. It was rude to do that, trust me I know. But he was boring.
“So I really enjoyed your company. And I had a great night. I thought the movie was good. And the food tasted really good.” Blah, blah, blah. I tried not to roll my eyes. Every guy has said the same thing.
“Oh yeah, me too. You are so funny!” I smiled and touched his arm, trying to be nice but this guy was a pain. Sure he could make me laugh but that’s not exactly hard to do. A lamp can make me laugh. The smile didn’t reach my eyes, I could feel it. He takes my hand. It was sweaty and gross. I sound like a total brat. Gosh, someone should seriously slap me. I mean the guys nice but if I stopped liking him in the middle of the date that’s bad, right? A second date wouldn’t go very well. We stop at the top of the stairs and he leans forward, waiting for a kiss. I give him a quick peck, say bye, and walk into my apartment building.
“Another date, Ms. Kristabel?” The front desk guy asks me. He always sees me with different men. I’m not a slut, though. Just a girl looking for love.
“Yes, but this one didn’t go well either. Personally, I don’t think there’s a guy out there for me. I’ve dated almost every freakin’ fish in the sea.” I sigh and push the button for the elevator. This apartment strikes me as interesting. Their front entrance looks so grand, I mean the floors actually look like real marble and the maroon walls and fancy couches add zest to the place. They have three floors that go up, and three floors that go down. I just think that’s so cool.
“Well, Ms. Kristabel there’s always someone out there. Just don’t give up.” I look back at him and pray with my eyes that he is right. He just smiles and nods his head at me, while the doors slide open. I walk in and press 2D so I can go two floors down away from the guy that I almost fell for. The memory pops into my head. When I first moved here, he was working there. The desk guy was stunningly handsome. Sharp cheek bones, a prominent jaw, black wavy hair, and these brown eyes that melted you when you looked into them, no matter how cold your heart was.
I was holding a box full of my crap when he caught my gaze, and perhaps my feet because the next thing I know I went skidding onto the floor and my crap fell out. His deep chuckle came from beside me as he started picking up the clothes. Bras, panties, you name it, it was on that floor. I get off the elevator and amble over to my door, number 52.



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This article has 105 comments. Post your own!

RainbowChildThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17 at 7:15 am:

This was realy good I hope you keep writing

 

 
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GodSpell98This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 6 at 10:58 am:
Great so far! I really hope you keep working on this, and I like how it's realistic. I want to know why she ALMOST fell for the guy--what made her stop falling? Please continue!
 
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SilverSunThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 14 at 11:10 pm:
Wow. I was really into this. It's very realistic, very compelling, and very well thought out. I did think there should be more though, because without a real ending, it seems very rough. Will there be more? I would love there to be!
 
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practicallyquixotic said...
Mar. 23 at 2:19 pm:

Great story and I love the way that you started it!! It can be hard to write the first parts of stories. My only criticism is to watch your tenses; you changed them during the story:

"My date walked me up my apartment stairs......"

I get off the elevator and amble over to my door, number 52."

 

 
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Tori W. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 23 at 10:57 am:
Very realistic. I can relate.
 
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SpeakingLifeofSerenityThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 1 at 10:30 am:
It might sound dumb or something but I also wasn't really reading it like I was actually imagining what was going on but that's good for me. It was good to me because I could of actually image what was going on. I love it. And you should write the second part.
 
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Lillie M. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 8 at 11:20 am:
I wasn't actually reading this . . . I saw seeing it all happen. Her reactions are so true to how a human would actually act. I love this piece so much.
 
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Kanupriya S. said...
Feb. 8 at 11:19 am:
A second part would be great.!
 
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Nessa13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 17 at 8:48 am:
This was a really good story, but why did you end it like that??
 
Falling.Up.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 17 at 12:32 pm :
yeah i agree with Nessa! it should go on!!! but it was still great!
 
OceanEyes0355This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 8 at 12:23 pm :
It definitely needs more! Keep writing!
 
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Fia-fiaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 12, 2011 at 9:51 pm:

Great story! Very well written! Thank you

:)

 
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ambamixx3This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:56 pm:

You are very good at making mental images for the reader, but i kind of got lost in the article.

BUT i like your story line, and i wish there was a sencond part , because i really cant see or imagine what would be next . (: thank you '

 
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CaeCae97This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 21, 2011 at 8:00 pm:
I thought this was a very adorable story, which draws you in and keeps you until the end. Keep writing!
 
CaeCae97This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 21, 2011 at 8:04 pm :
But I do wonder, is there a sequal? It did end rather suddenly, and I would like to see what happens.
 
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Mel_magnfique said...
Oct. 21, 2011 at 12:35 pm:
this was a really sweet story. I rarely like first person narrators, but here I felt like I wanted to know more about her.
 
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Gingersnap777This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 21, 2011 at 10:01 am:
 A very well-rounded story indeed.  It draws you in, and the way you express her disgust at the beginning really helps your reader feel it too...however, when you get to the part about the elevator, the "desk guy" and the memory, it gets a little confusing.  I had to read it twice to make sure I understood what you were getting at.  Excellent writing overall!
 
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ImperfectlifeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 21, 2011 at 5:27 am:
It was very good, I like it the way how you said that she spilled all her stuff in front of the desk guy.
 
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ArrowHeartThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 7, 2011 at 11:18 pm:

i agree, it ay have been better if you checked the thesaurus.

 

Great though!! check out my stories too, especially "Middle School"

 
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mercebeinyata said...
Sept. 7, 2011 at 9:37 pm:
I really don't think that a few of the words that you used were nessesary. You have so much talent, though, please don't let it go to waste by using such words.
 
beautifulpeople replied...
Sept. 29, 2011 at 3:49 pm :
*necessary
 
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HollerGirl26 said...
Sept. 7, 2011 at 6:51 pm:
....is...is that ALL?!?! WHYYYYY!!!???? oh I loved this, by the way. 
 
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zadiekatie23This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 7, 2011 at 5:49 pm:
Great! Short and to the point-which is what you want in a short story. I was kind of confused at the end, with the flashback and then one sentence going back to the present, but otherwise, I enjoyed reading it!
 
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billgamesh11This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 25, 2011 at 6:33 pm:
Nice story! It really puts you inside the life of someone who is looking in every nook and cranny for love, but they just can't find it, instead they find exasperation and frustration. I like how you included the front desk guy, that was cute, very Eloise:);) Good job!:):):);)
 
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TAR11This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 25, 2011 at 4:02 pm:
Cool story please check out mine, Sean Flynn, if you get the chance thanks! 
 
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LovelyBlueRoseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 23, 2011 at 10:55 am:
Lolz, lucky her, she gets to live in a nice apartment!
 
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sids said...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 5:33 pm:
no smith means that she will BECOME a mrs.
 
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Sincerly,Jasmine said...
Jul. 3, 2011 at 11:40 pm:
I thought the story line was great, but as in depth of a reader that i am i couldnt help but noitce that it sounded childishly worded. I think you defiantly should continue but make the sequel stronger. I would LOVE to see the next one. Great job!
 
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kt315 said...
Jul. 3, 2011 at 11:17 am:
loved it! i can't wait for more! i especially liked how you developed a strong personality for the main girl in just a few paragraphs-very nice :)
 
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Tigerz101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 26, 2011 at 9:20 am:
do u mean mr. right??
 
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smith said...
Apr. 6, 2011 at 9:56 pm:
this is beautiful. mrs. right will come soon
 
Tigerz101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 6, 2011 at 9:30 am :
do you mean MR. right??
 
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everything_shane said...
Apr. 6, 2011 at 12:04 am:
the story was nice but i  think u need to add some details to make it more beautiful.. that's all :) great job.. :)
 
brittany replied...
Apr. 28, 2011 at 10:51 pm :
I completely agree!
 
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rom.writer96 said...
Mar. 15, 2011 at 5:18 pm:
I found it very well written but it ended abruptly...I would love moreee!!!
 
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Nerd34This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 15, 2011 at 4:23 pm:
I thought it was good but ended abruptley needs more detail.
 
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secrets said...
Mar. 15, 2011 at 12:55 pm:
It started off really funny, but I don't get it?? What happened?? She noticed the guy at the desk and then....you stopped without a conclusion.
 
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Ashlee H. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 15, 2011 at 10:59 am:
Great way to really describe feelings in a way the reader can relate to. It ended too soon, though! I am hungry for more!
 
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lady gagag said...
Mar. 15, 2011 at 9:22 am:
ende to soon need more description
 
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BrielleMThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 21, 2011 at 2:37 pm:
I liked it well enough...Your writing is great! (: But it ended way too soon!
 
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Lex2011 said...
Feb. 21, 2011 at 10:51 am:
this was adorable. i just wish there was more *tear* but hey, keep on writing and check out my book. i need some advice :)
 
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abottleofcreativeness said...
Feb. 21, 2011 at 1:38 am:
this was really cute. u should add more cuz it's so cute. :D
 
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HollerGirl26 said...
Jan. 30, 2011 at 6:33 pm:
Liked it..but will there be more? :)
 
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Tinyosi said...
Jan. 30, 2011 at 11:44 am:
Nice story, but...oh waiit, there wasn't one
 
beautifulpeople replied...
Jan. 31, 2011 at 9:12 am :
That was rude of you to say
 
tanayaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 10, 2011 at 6:17 pm :
Yeah, you shouldn't be insulting the writer like that
 
MKimmi replied...
Feb. 21, 2011 at 10:17 am :

wasn't one wat? i dont understand it... i menat the comment,

btw, story's pretty good, like a good start but it left me hanging a little, like "Hey whats next?"

 
LaceeJadeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 29, 2011 at 12:56 am :
iliked it! dont be rude. if u have something like that to say be tactfull.
 
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AnimalGirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 8, 2011 at 11:31 pm:
this was really good!!!!!!
 
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AspiringauhorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 8, 2011 at 5:59 pm:
Did you write a sequel???? Oh I hope you did! :)
 
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