The Secret

August 23, 2009
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He passed her in the hall. Her, in her tiny skirt, her sweet smile, her bright eyes. Just passed her, as if she didn’t exist. He walked 2 inches next to her, so close she could feel his heat upon her, and he just looked the other way and busied himself talking to someone else. When she stood up in front of the class, she made eye contact with everyone; she was good at that—uninhibited, unintimidated, undaunted. But he wouldn’t even look up, just kept scribbling something on his paper. She wondered if he was hearing her, if he could possibly respect her for her intellect. Maybe he would be impressed. All this was wishful thinking, of course. Their relationship was nothing for the sort, it didn’t involved respect. That would have ruined their “arrangement”. And if that was ruined, then the delicate balance of benign neglect and silent admiration would have been dissevered and thus the end of “them” would be brought.
And on she went on, like some sad little puppy, indebted to a master that never knew her pain. And she bore it, the burdens that drifted into her dreams, both those awake and those asleep. She wanted him to proud of her; to hold her hand, to hold her heart, to stand out and not be ashamed. But he was, and she could never change that. She couldn’t change the fact she brought out the worst in him, that she made him angry, and that her disposition changed his disposition bitter and cynical. That she seemed to crawl under skin and prick every last nerve and he ranted and screamed, hurt her. He didn’t trust her with his secrets even when she was the secret.
It was hard to pick: to be nothing, or to be nothing worthwhile. A rock and a hard place. The better of two evils. On the nights she slept alone, she could hear her heart cracking at the thought of him. On the nights she lay with him, she still wondered if he could her heart cracking. But he never noticed that her eyes glistened a bit with unborn tears, or the ways her hands shook when he touched his face. And every time, she left unsatisfied, and perhaps even a bit more empty than she came.
She cherished her poetry, and above all her poetry for him. She cherished her pictures, and above all her pictures for him. However, above the poetry and the pictures, she cherished her love for him, but he disregarded with a certain brutality that bit into her soul and occupied her constantly. And as he saw that love, he took it and ripped it to tiny shreds and took her body and violated everything ethereal about her.

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This article has 36 comments. Post your own now!

cuckoo_for_cocoa_puffs This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 16, 2012 at 8:44 pm
Wow. Just wow. That was absolutely beatiful and heartbreaking and haunting all at the same time. You illustrated perfectly the love that can't help but accompany the sorrow and grief that inhabits abusive relationships. I am thoroughly impressed. :)
AngelArrovvs said...
Jun. 11, 2012 at 12:58 pm
That was awesome to read.It almost made me cry because just everything you wrote and how you wrote it...It seemed as if I were the girl in the story. Good Job on this keep writing
Ultim@te said...
Jan. 9, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Wow, love the wording, you are a gifted writer:)
outsider said...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 9:13 am
wonderful it really showed the feelings of people in abusive relaionships if thats what you ment to do
fizza98 said...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 1:51 am
soooooooo nice!
arixx96 said...
May 26, 2011 at 12:46 pm
 wow. so powerful. beautifully written.
AnimalGirl said...
Apr. 20, 2011 at 10:19 pm
amazing. its so cool how you were able to portray the details and feelings the way you did. 
heiwagirl said...
Mar. 23, 2011 at 11:30 pm
absolutly beautiful
ferosa45 said...
Feb. 13, 2011 at 7:59 pm
beautiful description. a master piece indeed. ur psychoanalysis is adroit. Its only unfair that such a girl would be emotionally bound inexorably to such an imbecilic and morally depraved boy.
tanaya said...
Feb. 11, 2011 at 3:11 pm



xBaByGiRrL22x said...
Dec. 9, 2010 at 9:26 pm
awesomeee:) nd im suree everyone wud agree. this is so easy 2 relate 2 4 alot of ppl. love it!!
JatiaE. said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 5:14 pm
No words for this , (=
Megi24 said...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 8:54 am
This is absolutly amazing! I feel like i know everything about this relationship and you never had to come strait out and say it. Love it! And you put into words perfectly what im going through right now
hillaryxlub9709 said...
Oct. 4, 2010 at 12:38 pm
this reminded me of my xbf i want him back so bad
PiaHainz replied...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 3:07 pm
....dearie don't stress everything happens for ahh reason!
FollowtheMochaRabbit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 30, 2010 at 3:11 pm
Amazing! Should be #1! The way you wrote this simply pulled at heartstrings and you'd be doing a huge disfavor if you stopped writing XD. Awesome job! said...
Jun. 16, 2010 at 11:16 pm

this is sooo cool. i usually don't read stories like this with a lot of descriptions, but the way you wrote it made it both understandable AND relate able. you should continue it though, because i REALLY want to know what the hell is wrong with the guy XD



horsegirl678 said...
Jun. 16, 2010 at 7:45 pm
i loved it. i don't know why it wasn't voted number one, it's absolutely amazing
Reigyn said...
May 9, 2010 at 7:23 pm
i love the language and the mood of this piece. It's really good.
j.sloan said...
May 3, 2010 at 11:51 pm
are they like "fun buddies" or something???
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