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Cant get better than this....

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Nothing better than this...The lights, The rides, the constant rush of the people surrounding us...the guy.Everything was perfect. We walked, Hand in hand, my eyes skippign from ride to ride.
" Oh we have to go on this!" he screeched as he pulled me to the bumpercars. He immediately got into one and pulled me onto his lap.
" this isnt safe!" I whined only half kidding.
"Exactaly." he smiled as he hit the gas at break neck speed.A small girl screamed as 'we' slammed mercissly into her. The operator kicked us off after that cause we were a 'danger' to children. I was more than pleased to sink my teeth into a delishious corn-dog.
"I didnt know you were into this kinda stuff?" I asked,mouth still full. He didnt seem to mind. He replied back indifferently.
" i dont." He replied. "its only this great cause your here." he smirked. I answered in a fake voice,
"hun-ey since when are you so romantic?"
He looked down at me in mock-seriousness.
"Baby,Im whatever you want me to be whenever you want it" he dipped me low to the ground and kissed me gently before returning me to the ground. Although my head was somewhere else.His Plain white t-shirt fit well across his perfectly cut abs, well his worn out jeans hugged his waist comfertably.His almost black hair fell messily infront of his eyes...oh his eyes...painted on a beautiful canvas...the dark brown pouring emotion. His lips...begging for touch.I shook away the thoughts just in time to hear the screaming and feel myself being pulled closer to the stage.It was almost midnight now but we werent in a rush.The band belted out thier rebellious sound.He swayed to the music.Finally the beat slowed as the band launched into a ballad.He stepped closer and raised my hands to his shoulders then lightly placed his hands on my back. We were slow dancing. The beat quickened but we stayed the same, never speeding up..but never stopping...completly lost in the moment.He kissed me slowly and i couldnt be more thankful for such an amazing person in my life and couldnt wish for anything more. I pulled him into a tight hug as he stroked my hair as the first firework light in the perfectly still night sky.
"lets go, my Juliet." he whispered lightly in my ear. We found ourselfs at the ferris wheel. He smiled shyly at me as if approving he was allowed to go. I smiled back and we climbed in.For a while we didnt talk. We just held eachother and watched the explosion of colors across the sky.When we reached the top he just stared at me.
"What." I asked self-consiously.
"You are so beautiful" He told me.He looked at me deeply.It was my turn to stare.His Eyes Shawn with all the light in the world.I didnt know what to say. I managed:
"Your everything to me.Your my day, my night,my happiness, everything only occurs because your in my heart."
"Your everything to me and i couldnt live without you.it would be as if i was the last person alive."I couldnt sppek. I pulled him to me and kissed him as if id never get to again, as if there would never be another day or night.
"I love you." he whispered as the

Sky.Went.Dark <3



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gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 10, 2010 at 8:40 pm
It is very sweet and happy, a very nice story, but the numerous grammar mistakes detract from the magic of this piece.  If you work on those, though, it'll be great!
 
FlecksofGoldenHope said...
Jun. 10, 2010 at 5:31 pm
There is definately alot of editing and proof reading needing to be done, but really good job over all. Although, I don't really understand the last words "Sky.Went.Dark."...?
 
Summer B. said...
Jun. 10, 2010 at 3:14 pm
I agree as in punctuation an speeling. But as said before me, in writing it is relatively small. I think the piece was beautiful an could make all long for something romantic.
 
papered_heart said...
May 28, 2010 at 9:30 pm
other than ur punctuation and and ur spelling, it was good!! i liked it:) and can u review my stories too? i have a whole series that has not been commented on yet. I'd love it if you review it, plz?:)
 
SilverLuna said...
May 19, 2010 at 4:52 pm
You need to work on punstuation and spelling, but like I always say, that's a relatively small piece to writing. It's very important that you are able to get your ideas are able to come across, and I felt like I couldn't stop stumbling over the errors. Fix those problems and this will be a great story--for concept is good! I enjoyed the story over all!(= ALWAYS KEEP WRITING!
 
SilverLuna replied...
May 19, 2010 at 4:53 pm
After reading over that post I feel like a hypocrite, lol...forgive my own errors! =:P
 
PoetLaureate07 said...
May 19, 2010 at 4:07 pm
this was amazing!!! please keep writing!!!
 
myway said...
May 3, 2010 at 6:40 am

it is beautiful romance_lover

u r story was amazing!!!

 
MissFaber said...
Apr. 5, 2010 at 6:02 pm
As a few before me pointed out, there were a few grammar mistakes, but that may have been on purpose. It was a beautiful scenario, though. I think the sweetest part is that you wrote this for your sister :) great job! if you could comment and rate my stuff it would be greatly appreciated
 
Eternal_Love replied...
May 19, 2010 at 7:29 am
so beautiful and so lovely that i thought i was there
 
SmileyFace94 replied...
May 19, 2010 at 9:44 am
beautiful, i love it. you should right more romance stories :D
 
DreamWriter15 said...
Apr. 5, 2010 at 12:41 am

I liked it, it was very realistic, though I don't know if you did the grammar and spelling on purpose, that only added to the realistic-tivity.  However...it seemed kind of vague and fairytale-ish.   

 

But that could just be me.

 
Peanut:) said...
Mar. 14, 2010 at 9:11 pm
Work on grammar, spelling and punctuation and you will have a great story on your hands!
 
ClockworkLightbulb said...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:48 pm
There's a lot of spelling and punctuation mistakes even in the first sentence, which kind of annoyed me to the point of stopping reading it.
 
romance_lover This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 10:58 pm
k, listen if you dont like the way i write dont read it GEEZ you dont have to bash my story,sorry for the errors but like...its just a mistake.
 
MarinaOreo said...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 12:05 pm
A few grammatical errors but I LOVED it!! Keep writing! :)
 
fictionluver said...
Jan. 29, 2010 at 3:36 pm
wow this was great very touching keep it up!!
 
Amanda F. said...
Jan. 15, 2010 at 4:14 pm
i really like this! you should definitely keep writing! :)
 
SouthCarolinaBaby said...
Jan. 7, 2010 at 7:31 pm
u wer rite about da thing with no names. i luvd it SOOOO much. u shuld make a series!!
 
Fredwardness said...
Oct. 4, 2009 at 8:49 am
i agree that its easier to imagine im there with no names, loved it!
Fredwardness
 
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