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Unexpected Love

No boyfriend, ugly, and an outcast at school. “What a life?” thought Carrie.

Carrie was in the 8th grade at Cloven Junior High. Her hair like a rats nest sitting upon her noggin with odd highlights spewed caused gossiping and a lot of back talking from her big mouth.
With the body like a windy road, square jaw, and flat butt, she never really got attention from Cam, the school quarter back.
His features were beyond the point where staring was over-rated. Although, if you touched his bulging biceps he might mistaken you as a weird obsessive freak, which technically you are for feeling the "God of Hotness". Carrie despised his girlfriend, Brittney, the head cheerleader of the spirit squad. In guys’ perspectives, Brittney was the "Goddess of Hotness." She had locks of bleach blond hair that looked like it could sever your hand if you touched it since it was so straight. Unlike Carrie's body, Brittney's was the perfect hourglass shape and a big chest that certainly attracted guys with hopes of losing their virginity with her. Although Brittney definitely had the looks, she certainly didn't have the brains that Carrie had.
One day after school, she was sitting outside her house since it felt like a California day. The tall trees were swaying in the warm breeze as cute little bunnies were hopping along with their mother. This was the perfect time to just lay back and relax instead of worrying about her Spanish exam in about two weeks. When it felt like hours had passed, she sat up and realized someone was walking up the road leading closer to her home. She suddenly realized that it was Cam, the quarter back at Cloven Junior High! She was pacing back and forth trying to decide whether she should go chat with Cam or just rush inside before he even notices her. She decided that an opportunity talking to Cam shouldn't be thrown away like that, so the combed through her knotty hair with her long skinny fingers, and raced down the stairs to where Cam was walking.

"Hey, um, what's up?” Carrie said to the burning hot quarter back.
"Hey! Haven't I seen you from somewhere before?" asked Cam.
"How embarrassing? He doesn't even remember me from school... Maybe I should just make an excuse and sprint back to the house”, Carrie thought
" Junior hot, I mean...Junior high" Carrie said. She started blushing until he started laughing for some odd reason.
" What’s so funny?" Carrie demanded. "Is there something on my face?" Carrie worried.
He laughed again. And again. And again!
She started getting fed up, but soon enough she started giggling, too. Although she didn't know what they were amused about, that just made her laugh even more! After about minutes of laughing, Cam started talking to her.
"So, you live around here?" questioned Cam.
"Yeah, actually my house is the yellow Victorian on top of the hill up there" she answered and pointed towards her quite large house.
Time passed as they talked about themselves and their family. Soon enough it was almost completely dark, and Carrie realized she hadn't eaten anything that day, and was starving, plus her mom would have a heart attack not knowing where she went.
"Hey, uh, I better start heading home before my mom freaks. She's really protective since I'm her only child." Carrie told Cam.
"Yeah, well, I actually had fun talking to you. I usually can't do that with girls because they’re either too busy looking at my muscles or even trying to feel them. Ha." exclaimed Cam.
"Well it wasn't easy not staring" chuckled Carrie. "Although, muscles aren't your only good feature." flirted Carrie.
" Why, thank you! You know, you do have beautiful eyes. Don't tell Brittney this, but you're different from the other girls. You’re not self-absorbed and have a great personality. I wish Brittney was less conceited and actually studied once in awhile..." Cam spilled.
Carrie could NOT believe her ears! Was he confessing that she was better than Brittney? She had no idea that a few hours of talking with Cam would convince him to actually confess anything in his personal life, or that Brittney needed to study!
Sooner than expected they had walked all the way back to Carrie's house. They had said their good-byes and Cam left.
As soon as she walked in the door, her mom started nagging about why she hadn't told her where she went, and that she shouldn't have been out that late. A perfect ending to the perfect day.
The next day, she saw Cam and they both waved at each other. She was flattered. Plus, Brittney saw and was hot. Later, Carrie found out that Brittney had actually broke up with Cam! She knew that every girl would be hanging all over him, and he would find someone better than her. Her day was ruined...
Days passed with no action from Cam besides waving to each other every now and then. She had lost all hope about getting with Cam.
That day after school, she was too depressed to eat lunch or even go inside her own home. If she did, she would have to deal with her mom asking what was wrong and then explaining that guys aren't that important, but to Carrie, guys were that important! Especially Cam.
The moon crept out and the stars began their gleaming. An unexpected knocking was at the front door. Carrie was curious who would come to her house this late at night. She cracked the door open to see who it was. To her surprise, it was Cam!
"Is my hair okay? Does my breath reek?" Carrie wondered as Cam looked at her.
" Carrie, I can't stop thinking about you. After Brittney broke up with me, you were my first thought. You make me happy. You make me complete. Will you be my girlfriend?" Cam asked directly.
As soon as she lost hope, he came to the rescue. She had wished for this moment to come for so long that it almost seemed unreal. Just to make sure, she pinched her sweaty skin. It was real!
"Yes!” exclaimed Carrie. They both leaned in closer and their lips touched as if they fit like a puzzle. Very unexpected love.



Join the Discussion

This article has 53 comments. Post your own now!

Anj16 said...
Jun. 8, 2010 at 12:08 pm

its nice. just remember that whenever you're writing the character's thought, don't enclose it with quotation marks, because quotation marks are meant for dialogues.

example: God, what a freak, she thought as she sauntered away.

 
Cutie replied...
Jun. 30, 2010 at 8:27 pm
Anj16, you forgot a comma after thought.
 
Anj16 replied...
Jun. 30, 2010 at 8:29 pm
the comma is not necessary. it'll make the phrasing awkward
 
horsegirl replied...
Jun. 30, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Anj16, you forgot a comma after 'thought'
 
DenDen replied...
Jul. 1, 2010 at 9:18 pm

God, what a freak, she thought, as she sauntered away. (this is wrong)

The comma after thought is unnecessary since the word 'thought' is followed by 'as'.

comma after 'thought' would be acceptable if instead of 'as', a present progressive verb follows 'thought'

for example:

God, what a freak, she thought, running a hand through her hair.

 
romancelover said...
Jun. 8, 2010 at 6:26 am
this is soo cute! i loved it, not corny at all! i want this to happen to me! carrie's sooo lucky... and her friend, Brittney, doesn't sound like a good friend. but this just goes to show that the smarties DO win out in the end!
 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 8, 2010 at 7:34 am
You're right, it was a good story, but I don't think it mentioned that Brittney was her friend.
 
romancelover replied...
Jun. 8, 2010 at 3:05 pm
ohhh whoops, it said girlfriend. sorry! 
 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 8, 2010 at 6:22 pm
It's OK.:)
 
soccercrazy said...
May 17, 2010 at 8:27 pm
just like a fairy tale
 
esmeralda said...
May 13, 2010 at 9:32 am

it should be longer, so it doesn't seem to sudden

other than that its really good

 
Day-Dreamer17 said...
Apr. 25, 2010 at 8:37 pm
It's cheesy good. Ease into it a little. it almost souns fake, but you got great potential! keep writing.
 
agsmiley888 replied...
Apr. 25, 2010 at 9:56 pm
agree cheesey but GOOOOOD
 
i_am_nobody replied...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 1:08 am
cheesy but good like pizza! but seriously its quite good
 
SilverLuna said...
Mar. 10, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Yeah, I'm going to have to agree, you need to ease into this love, other wise it just sounds somewhat false and cheezy. If you give more lee-way between the love coming to it's peak it makes the realization all the more sweet! Keep writing!(:
 
sidneynicole said...
Mar. 10, 2010 at 2:39 pm
it was ok maybe you should just pratice more writting
 
renthead101 said...
Mar. 7, 2010 at 11:45 am
At first it was great! but then the way he just starts complementing her is a little too much. Try to ease in to it a little more subtly
 
LostAngel said...
Feb. 15, 2010 at 3:19 pm
maybe next story you should expand and not rush it so much. but other then that it was great
 
writer24/7/365 said...
Feb. 15, 2010 at 1:57 pm
Well, I have mixed feelings. For starters, you have great analogies (maybe you sould do some poetry?). It is also a sweet storyline, and workable (you could edit and expand it. if you did, it might be book publishing material!). But some of your sentences are awkward, and a few parts are a bit cheesy. Keeep writing! ;)
 
samidvd96 replied...
Feb. 15, 2010 at 2:48 pm
thats kinda how i feel but i still think the story itself is good
 
writer24/7/365 replied...
Feb. 15, 2010 at 2:54 pm
Cool! Yeah, overall it's a good story. :)
 
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