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Darkness and chilly air surround me. I pull my jacket closed and zip it up, and stuff my hands in my pockets.
I walk the muddy path into the forest. I see so many trees they must go on for miles. Yellow, brown, and dead leaves liter the floor.
The path leads to a river. The river is not a normal river. The water of the river is pitch-black. At this river there are no white waters. The waters in this river are called black waters.
I step from the path and walk along the two feet of land stretched between the trees and river.
I sit down on the muddy side, my feet an inch from the water. My shoes are getting soaked.
I pull my shoes and socks off and lay them neatly beside me.
I scoot further down to the dark water. I stick my feet in. The coldness hits like tinny needles. I feel like pulling my feet out but I don’t. The coldness makes me happy.
I can’t feel my feet.
I watch as the water roars by me. The water is running faster now than yesterday when I came down here.
I feel the familiar ache in my stomach. I hate that ache.
Maybe the river can make the ache go away.
I stand up and pull off my jeans. I fold them neatly and place them on top of my shoes. Unzipping my jacket and pulling off my shirt, I place them neatly on top of my jeans.
I know I’m stupid for doing this. The river is to strong right now.
But I still step into the cold water up to my calves. I shiver. It is so cold it hurts.
I keep walking deeper until the water is up to my stomach. My teeth are chattering now but the ache is easing away.
I keep going deeper into the water until the water is up to my shoulders. I can feel the black water pushing against me.
The ache is gone. I smile.
My body is going numb.
“Ashby!” I hear someone yell. But I can’t see into the trees it’s too dark.
Then I see him, Cal, the one who causes my ache.
Why is here? He’s the one who hurt me. It’s funny how the one’s you love can hurt you the most. He’s the one who was kissing that s*** from school.
“Leave me alone, Cal.” I scream back over the sounds of the river.
He stands there staring at me. He doesn’t love me.
I lose my footing and the river is pulling me under.
I come up and hear Cal shouting. “Ash! Ash! Ash!”
I sink back under. I try with all my might to get up for air.
I’m back up and he’s running toward me.
“ I love you…” I say and before I sink under I swear it looks like he’s crying.
I never thought Cal could be hurt.
And I know that he can’t save me. The water is to black and the water is moving to fast. But that’s okay. It’s the only way to hurt him more than he hurt me.