I grabbed the handle of the gas pump and inserted it into my gas tank. The 30 degree weather is more of an impediment than helpful. Feeling deterred, I waited for my tank to fill. *clink* he pump released it’s clutch, as I pulled it out ,the remaining gas in the nozzle spills all over my clothes. “Great, now I have to go to work smelling like gas. I got into my car angrily, running 10 minutes late already. I turned the keys in my ignition and the car screeches. Could my life get any worse? I’m the luckiest unlucky person, the oxymoron I use to represent my life.Everyday feels like a paradox. I can never have a fully good day.

Tears began to run down my face, when I looked up and found someone knocking of my window. A tall handsome gentleman was there. Feeling embarrassed, I wiped the tears off my face pretending like I wasn’t just balling out my eyes. “Yes ?”, I answered nervously. “Sorry to interrupt your alone time, but I noticed you were having car troubles. Do you mind if i take a look?”  My first thought was that this was going to end up in depravity, and I hesitated to accept help. He insisted in helping me and refused to leave, so i eventually caved in and before I knew it, my car was up and running again. “This is going to cost you, you know?”. I reached for my wallet quickly. “Oh no I didn’t mean money, I’ll be good with your number.” My number? Why would he want my number after seeing me with red puffy eyes, gas stained clothes, and in a middle of a mental breakdown. I thought what the heck, and wrote down my number on an old starbucks receipt. “I’ll treat this like it’s sacred and will not put it through sacrilege.” I blushed , when all of a sudden I saw another male figure out of the corner of my eye. He spoke, “Who is this?”.  I froze, he came at the worst possible time. “He’s a nice gentlemen that offered me help because you took eternity to come,” I said with a stern face. “Im sorry, am I in the middle of something?”, the gentlemen said. “No you’re fine, uh this is my uh ex - husband . Thank you so much for helping me, give me a call later?”, I said in valediction. “Yeah sure thing, it was nice meeting you Rebecca.”, and the gentleman left. “Who the hell was that”, Roy exclaimed. “First of all, I don’t need your validation for anything. I can talk to whoever I please”, I yelled and drove off.

FIve days of texting and talking on the phone with Beck had passed and he still had not offered to go on a date. I began to worry. Does he think I’m incompatible because I have a failed marriage? Is he just being nice and talking to me as a friend? I could not have been more confused, when it hit me. If he did not propose a date, maybe I should. I was frightened to put whatever relationship or friendship we had built to put in jeopardy, but what was the worst that could happen? I could only get rejected, which is something i’m not so great at dealing with, but if it were to occur, I could go to my girlfriends for asylum. I sent him the riskiest text I had ever sent in my life. “I know it’s not traditional for a girl to ask someone out but I’m not one to play by the rules so dinner tomorrow night? “ My heart raced as I saw the three dots appear as he was typing. “Haha, I like a woman who isn’t scared to be translucent , does 8 sound good?”, he replied. I smiled and sighed with relief. “Let’s just say i’m not fully opaque :) “, I replied.

The first date felt like the convergence or two soulmates. The night of consummation, we knew we were meant to be with each other. We went out for months. We were deeply in love, when Roy decided to appear in my life again. Out of the blue he showed up to my house with the most grotesque smile of his face, “Did you miss me?”, he asked. “You never cross my mind of course not, I’m with beck now leave me alone.”, I said in disbelief. “Come on now Rebecca, we both know he’s not as opulent as I am, give me another chance”, he said with confidence. Before I could say anything, Roy kissed me. I pushed him off and lock my door. I felt tremendously guilty and angry at Roy for trying to put a cleave in my and Beck’s relationship. It was my responsibility to tell Beck what happened, to my surprise he did not take it well and blamed me for it. Over the course of weeks we argued almost daily, trying to weld our relationship, but nothing seemed to work. Beck accused me of wanton and suspected me still seeing Roy.

I felt so wretched to make Beck feel like he could not trust me. Finally we agreed on a compromise and decided to take a break. The break lasted for approximately 3 weeks when Beck had an epiphany. There was nothing to worry about. He had a moment of anagnorisis, and realized that I could never hurt him purposely.