Prologue
Victoria Murphy was an all-star, top scoring soccer player. The best one in her school. She was a junior, just 17 years old, when she was afflicted by cancer. Soccer has always been what defines her, until cancer interrupted her life. Will she slay the dragon of cancer? Can she defeat the odds and stay true to what defines her?
October 7th
I woke up this morning a completely different person than when I woke up yesterday. The dreams I’ve had since I was a little girl, now shattered by cancer. Before today I had dreams of being a collegiate soccer player. Now somebody on my team will take my spot while I’m stuck in this hospital receiving treatment after treatment. I just don’t understand how I woke up yesterday as a star soccer player but now I’m just a girl with cancer. Diary, sorry for being so pessimistic, but cut me some slack I just got diagnosed with cancer.
October 8th
I have Hodgkin Lymphoma, and the cancer is spreading fast. I overheard the doctor’s speaking with my parents earlier, “We’re going to get as much of the cancer out as we can. After the surgery she’ll be on chemotherapy to get rid of the remaining cancer cells in her body. It will be a long road, so you have to have faith,”
Later my doctors told me the same thing, except it was broken down into vocabulary that a two year old could understand.
Chemo Day 1
Waking up in a hospital bed is a whole lot different than waking up in your own bed. In your own bed you can use as many blankets as you want, hear the birds outside your window as you wake up, see the sun peeking through the curtains at the crack of dawn. Sleeping in my own bed is definitely one of the things I’ll miss a whole lot.
Chemo Day 2
When I was admitted into the hospital with a high fever I never thought I would be sitting here a week later receiving chemotherapy treatments.
Chemo Day 3
By the way my name is Victoria Emerson Murphy. All my friends and teammates refer to me as Tori. Victoria is a little long to shout across the field. I have two loving parents, mom’s name is Stacey and dad’s is Steve. No siblings, just me. My best friend is Margaret Johanson, but I call her MJ. MJ has been my BFF since day one. MJ is the one who’s there for me when no one else is. She’s the one to call me insane if I’m acting out or being ridiculous. She’s the Christina to my Meredith, (yes I love Grey’s Anatomy). MJ is the one I need, she keeps me sane, she knows me best… she’s my person. No boyfriend. Of course I wish I had one. But there is this kid I have a huge crush on… Jake May. He looks like a typical Jake. But nothing will ever happen with him because who would want to date a girl with cancer. I’m pretty popular at school. I mean when you make varsity soccer as a freshman it’s pretty hard not to be. My whole life pretty much revolves around soccer...friends, high school, college, my future, you name it. I really don’t know what I’ll do without playing this season.
Chemo Day 4
I looked it up and hair loss typically begins after 3 weeks to a month after chemotherapy begins. So I have around 25 days with my whole head of hair. I’m really going to miss my long curly blonde hair. Maybe I’ll be a cute bald person though. I mean some
people can really rock it.
Chemo Day 5
It’s nearly been a week and MJ hasn’t visited me. In fact she hasn't even called me. She’s probably too busy being in the back seat of a car with her boyfriend. You know how that goes. I love MJ to death but she doesn’t exactly follow, “hoes over bros”.
Chemo Day 7
I mean maybe MJ is just really busy, it is the middle of the soccer season. Junior year is known for being the toughest year (although sophomore bio last year might top that). So anyways she’s probably busy with school, work, looking at colleges, preparing for SATs, keeping up with chemistry. So I guess I understand why she hasn’t visited yet.
Chemo Day 8
It’s only 8 days into my chemotherapy and I already feel like this cancer is going to tear me to shreds.
Chemo Day 9
Mom made me join this so called, “Cancer Support Group”, because the doctor suggested it. It’s just a bunch of sick people with hats, drowning in their sorrows. I told my Dad I didn’t want to go back after the first meeting. I felt like I was at an alcoholics anonymous get to together or whatever
Chemo Day 12
I had a rough round of chemo yesterday and days like these make me feel like I can’t beat cancer. Chemo has been putting so much strain on body and I don’t think I can take it much longer. I know it’s only been 11 days, but I really don’t even know if I’ll make it to day 30.
Chemo Day 15
I woke up this morning with pieces of hair on my pillow. I guess my Google search wasn’t as accurate as I thought it would be. I thought I would have at least 10 more days with my full head of hair. It might be time to shave it off. Man am I going to miss it. 
Chemo Day 20
Today is the championship. All my closest friends are out there on the field standing for the national anthem while I’m just sitting here in my bed forced to watch the game on the tiny hospital room TV. At the beginning of the season I never thought I would be here. I thought I would be standing side by side next to my teammates with butterflies in our stomachs, awaiting the big game. But now I’m hooked up to IVs, taking meds throughout the day, nurses coming in every hour or so to check on me, balloons all over my room saying “Get well soon!!”. By the way, “Get well soon!!” is a load of crap. The point is, cancer, was not on my list of things to do this year.
Chemo Day 21
My team won the championship yesterday! I wish I could’ve been out there with them but I’m so glad they could bring home the state title. Coach T must be ecstatic, I know she’s been training those girls since the summer and they deserve this victory. The championship win is the best news I’ve heard in awhile. It’s nice to hear good news for a change. I better go. See ya!
Later that Day
The team came to visit me today! I got to see all my best friends and even Coach T made it! It was like a mini reunion. I guess I didn’t realize how much I missed them until I actually saw them. Mom knew all about this visit but she wanted to keep it a secret so it could be a surprise. It really did mean a lot and I hope I can see the team again soon!
Chemo Day 23
Yesterday was the best day I’ve had in awhile. But today is a different day and I have another round of chemo coming up. The doctors warned me that this round could be pretty rough so I may not see you, diary, for a couple of days. Oh I’m dreading this, I really, really am.
Chemo Day 25...I think
That round of chemo really took a toll on my body so I couldn’t write to you for a few days. My parents are so supportive and positive and I hope they know I appreciate everything they do. I hope they know that even though I can be snappy and short with them, that I still love them to the ends of this earth. Maybe I should tell them. Or even better, maybe I could do something or make something for them. Yeah, I think I will. I think they’d really love that. Plus it gives me something better to do rather than sitting in my hospital bed all day long.
Chemo Day 27
Mom and Dad loved their letters. Through my journey with cancer I’ve realized that there’s good days and bad days for sure. But when I think about it, everyone has good days and bad days, no matter what they’re going through. I try to be as positive as I can, but not all of us can be like Hazel Grace from The Fault in Our Stars.
Chemo Day 28
Cancer is a_______ (fill in the blank). There’s an entire list of words I could use there.
Chemo Day 29
Approximately, every 9 minutes someone in the US dies from cancer. I could be one of those people in just nine minutes.
Later
9 minutes just passed...and so did another person.
November 5th
My life changed when I was diagnosed with Cancer a month ago today.
Chemo Day 32
Cancer is really hard to beat, but so is Readingtown, who my team beat in the championship. So maybe I can beat cancer. I can beat cancer so hard that it will never be able to stand up again. Hey cancer...game on.
Chemo Day 33
33. 33 has been my lucky number my whole life. 33 started when I was 6 years old playing for the town T-Ball team. I got bored of that pretty quick. Soccer then began. Soccer really changed my life. It gave me something to look forward to, something to work for. Soccer will always have a special place in my heart. So I thank 33, the number that introduced sports to me and gave me soccer. Now I have balloons shaped like the number 33 and posters with 33’s all around them, because everyone knows that’s my lucky number. 33, can you give me enough luck to beat cancer?
Chemo Day 34
The Jake May wrote me a letter. Yup, you heard me...JAKE FREAKING MAY!!! This is what it read:
Victoria,
The school feels empty without you! I miss seeing your smile as you walk down the hallway in between classes. I miss catching your eye as you look into your locker, grabbing your books. Wow, okay that sounded really cheesy and creepy, sorry about that. Anyways, my point is we all really miss you. And don’t worry, no one sits in your seat at lunch. Maybe I could stop by sometime? I want to see you soon...I didn’t realize how much I needed you until you were gone. Okay, I should probably go before I say something even worse.
Hope you’re doing well,
Jake
How could you not love him… I mean he’s perfect! I never thought I would ever have a chance with him. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but this letter sure is promising. Okay I have to write him back now and let him know he can come Wednesday. See ya!
Chemo Day 37
It’s Wednesday!! That means Jake is coming over! I’m super nervous and maybe just a little excited. There’s no doubt that Mom and Dad will embarrass me. This is technically the first time I’ve brought a boy home...although I’m not exactly home. Hmmm, does my room look nice enough? Is my bed made? Clothes on the floor? How does my hair look...oh wait.
Chemo Day 38
Jake’s visit went great. He was so nice and in case you didn’t know, jaw droppingly-gorgeous. Mom mentioned that he’s a “good natured boy”. Dad of course intimidated him a bit, but overall everything went well. I’m so happy I got to see him. It was so nice to see him and I loved talking to him because it’s so easy.
Hi honey,
Mom here, don’t worry I didn’t read anything in your diary. I just wanted to let you know that you are amazing and beautiful. It really impresses me how positive you’ve been through this entire time and you continue to be the sweet little girl you’ve always been. I know you don’t really like that support group, but I appreciate the effort you’re putting in to try it. I know this road is rocky but you are so strong that I believe you can do anything you put your mind to. You’ve always been my strong and brave little girl. Keep your head up baby girl, I love you.
XOXO,
Mumma
Chemo Day 40
I am so lucky to have the mother that I do. She is so strong and loving. I strive to be half the woman she is one day.
Chemo Day 41
MJ and Jake stop by to visit about 2 or 3 times a week. I always wish they could stay longer, but I understand that they have a lot on their plate and can’t stay all day. They have been super supportive through this entire time and I’m so thankful for them. MJ called me on the phone earlier,
“Tori, guess what?”
“What?” I said in anticipation.
“I got news that Jake, yes the Jake May likes you,” MJ exclaimed with excitement.
“No he doesn’t that can’t be true,” I replied in confusion
“Tori, have I ever lied to you? I’m not trying to get your hopes up or anything, I’m telling that he actually likes you,” she explained.
“MJ, I never thought this would happen and now that it is, I, I, don’t know what to do,” I stuttered.
MJ tried to come me down, “Okay, take a deep breath. He’s coming over tomorrow and I’m almost positive he’s planning to tell you how he feels and will ask you out. Okay, I gotta go!”
“Wait, wait! What do I say to him?” I questioned with enthusiasm.
“Tori, act normal and be yourself. That’s the person he loves, you. Be yourself,” she reassured me.
Chemo Day 43
Victoria May. Has a nice ring to it doesn’t it. I can’t believe Jake May is my boyfriend. I can call him my boyfriend. What he said to me when he asked me out was so sweet and I never thought the words he used could ever fall out of a boy’s mouth. Although Jake May isn’t your typical boy.
Chemo Day 42
I had a check-up with my doctor this morning and he explained that the cancer is shrinking. You’d think I’d be ecstatic about that but here are two reasons why I’m not. Number 1, yes, the cancer is shrinking, but not enough and not at the rate he was hoping it would. 2, so that means that they’re going to up my chemo, and it will be worse. The new chemo is more aggressive and will be very harsh on my body. I will start to lose even more weight, look and feel awful, and become weaker. It will be painful. But I can do it. I made a promise to myself that I would beat this cancer and I will, even if it makes me want to lose sometimes.
Chemo Day 43
My new chemo treatment started today and the doctors definitely sugar coated how bad it would be. I never thought I could feel this sick and weak.
Chemo Day 44
I probably won’t be writing much anymore because it’s starting to hurt just holding a pencil for this long.
Chemo Day 46
I told Jake not to come for awhile because I don’t want him seeing me like this. To be honest I’m not sure if he’ll recognize me. Being the good guy he is, he insisted on stopping by tomorrow.
Chemo Day 47
I saw him walk through the door of my hospital room as I looked at him from bottom to top. From his dirty work boots, up his old blue jeans to seeing the roses in his hands. As my eyes reached his head I noticed something was missing. Tears filled my eyes as I realized what was missing, his beautiful brown hair.
Chemo Day 50
Soccer has always been my passion and playing in college has forever been my life goal. But now my only goal is to beat cancer and go back to living my life. Even though I’m realizing that I probably won’t play another official game of soccer, it’s okay, because I know there are other things in store. I’m not that religious, only go to church on Christmas and occasionally Easter, but I know that someone up there has a plan for me. God has a plan for me and he will keep be safe. My grandma used to pray for me and tell me, “God loves you, and He has a plan for you”. Hearing those words gives me hope. They give me strength to carry on. They help me keep my head above the water and, “Just keep swimming”. I need those words, those words will encourage me to beat this cancer.  

Epilogue
Victoria Murphy was diagnosed with Lymphoma on October 5th, 2018 after she was rushed to the hospital days before, with a life-threatening high fever. She went through long days and nights of chemotherapy after doctors performed surgery to remove a tumor. Victoria powered through the struggles of having cancer while experimenting through trial and error the life of a teenage girl. Through her journey she learned to appreciate life more and those around her. She began to look at life standing on the top, smiling. Oh and yes, she got to ring the bell.