Dear Future Self | Teen Ink

Dear Future Self

March 30, 2018
By lor.devil BRONZE, Baltimore, Maryland
lor.devil BRONZE, Baltimore, Maryland
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

SO THIS IS A WEIRDLY SUBTITLED CONVERSATION OVER THE PHONE. I almost hung up on him about a good four times. I was laying on my bed with my legs up behind me just thinking about what I wanna do. Then he called me

"Babe, babe you there?" he said

"uh yeah sorry babe," I said snapping out of it

"Michael Andrew Green daydream when we aren't on the phone"

This made me laugh because he knew exactly what I was doing without me having to say anything. I knew that he was rolling his eyes the way he said it, but I didn’t care.

"so, you gonna tell them or what because I wanna meet your parents." He said anxiously

"I've been trying but I'm scared I just don’t know why," I said looking at my wall a little disappointed

"scared of what babe they will still love you no matter what," he said to me in the sweetest voice

I hate it when he talks in that sweet voice it just makes me feel so vulnerable to his sweet charm. He knows this and that's why he does it to me all the time.

"you are too much for me Jasira Micaleous," I said giggling a bit

"you sir are too cute," he told me

"you tell me that everyday" I smirked

"it's true every day," he says in that sweet voice again

We laughed and talked all night until I looked at the time on my phone and squinted because I hadn't seen light in a while.

"omg Jasira look at what time it is!" I said as my eyes widened at the sight of this

"Oh gosh babe we are gonna be so tired tomorrow" he exclaimed as he settled himself into bed

"I know but its fine we can just nap at lunch" I chuckled

He agrees then we both said our goodnights and hung up the phone. I lay there thinking about tomorrow then I sigh and close my eyes and fall asleep. 3 hours later (alarm goes off) I woke up feeling like I got no sleep at all

"Ugh today is gonna be hell in a handbasket" I moaned and groaned slowly sitting up

I got out of bed and didn’t even bother to make it up because what the point then I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror

"AHH, who is that. They are not cute" I squinted at the mirror

"Naw that ain't me" I give an annoyed look in the mirror then grab my toothbrush and the toothpaste and turn on the water then starts to brush my teeth

"turn off that water you don’t pay bills in this house" my mother yelled at me

I turned off the water because I didn’t want her to come upstairs and smack me in the back of the head. I went back to my room and the first thing I did was call Jasira but he didn’t answer so I mumbled a little bit of trash talk under my breath and got dressed. On my way down the stairs, I slip on a sock and tumble down the rest just to see my mother laughing her head off because I fell.

"Yeah mom I'm okay thanks for asking" I rolled my eyes

"I didn’t ask," she says wiping a tear from her eye from laughing so hard

I got up and walked to the front door grabbing my jacket and as soon as I open the door I bump into someone and stumble back a little then look up and guess who it is. It's none other than Jasira himself.

"oh my god what are you doing here,” I said a little startled

“I wanted to walk to school with you is that bad?” He said calmly while staring into my eyes

“Well I guess not” I giggled

We walked up the street and turned all the corners we even took the long way, so we could talk longer even though we had every single class together. As we approached the school I let out a long sigh and fixed myself as if I was going to see the president or something I know stupid right. We entered school and the first thing I hear is the first-period bell and whole lot of feet running into class and a few seconds later there was absolute silence and yet I was still at the entrance door right next to Jasira. I chuckle a little turning my head towards Jasira and we both burst into laughter while walking our lockers we stopped at my locker first because mine was the closest to the entrance door. We approached my locker to find that someone drew a penis on my locker with the word fag**t under it, but I pretended not to see it and opened my locker and to my surprise, a whole bunch of rainbow confetti fell out. I swiped it away and took my things from my backpack then shoved my backpack into it along with my jacket then slammed it shut with Jasira looking me dead in my face. Jasira started to breathe heavily and his skin was getting hot, so I put my hand on his cheek and he blinked a few times then snapped out of it and I smiled at him.

"why do you pretend not to notice this stuff," he said while staring at me very concerned

"because maybe if I pretend it's not there it will go away" my entire body posture shifted, and I started to tear up

"aw please don’t cry babe" he bent down a little and wiped my tears (because he's way taller than me)

I wiped my face and took a deep breath then shook my head preparing myself for the rest of the day. After going to his locker, we walked to class and you know that vibe you get when you walk into class late and everyone stares at you yeah that happened to us. I awkwardly walked to my seat and sat down and put my books down trying to figure out what the lesson was about. An eternity later the bell finally rang and me along with everyone else got up and started walking toward the door I got bumped about three times, but it was fine until one obnoxious jerk bumped into me and slapped my books out of my hand and I looked at him while crouching down to pick up my books.

"nice going you mouth breather," I said while collecting my things

He stopped in his tracks and looked at me while rolling up his sleeves then he walked over and grabs me by the collar and lifted me up while pushing me against the wall and me being short and basically weightless he had no problem holding me there but as I looked to my right from the corner of my eye I saw Jasira walking over and rolling up his sleeves.

"I said nice going mouth breather," I said kind of muffled

"you're dead you gay little-" he said

Jasira tapped him on the shoulder and cleared his throat as Dean turned around and let me go.

"what are you doing," said Jasira to Dean

"I'm teaching this f**got a lesson for talking back to me," Dean said looking Jasira up and down

Jasira had heard enough and was about to hit dean so hard in the face that his ancestors would feel it but I yelled out for Jasira to stop. I got up and shoved Dean to the side and went to pick up my things.

"you aren't even worth the fight nor the consequences" I look away from him and crouched down and picked up my things

"why you little" Dean yelled as he punched me in the face and I fell over

I got up and I walked toward him grabbed him by the collar and I punched him repeatedly in the face until he fell to the floor and I saw blood then the teacher and Jasira had to pull me off of him. Dean got up holding his nose and walked toward the door.

"this ain't over I'm gonna get you back"

I scoffed and picked up my things then I got sent to the principal's office for fighting after about an hour or two my mother came up to the school and we had a two hour and a half long talk about what happened and how I will contain myself next time. After a few days or so people started talking to me and trying to be my friend because I beat up schoolwide known bully Dean Sullivan. But what I didn’t know was that while Dean was out of school he was planning on pressing charges on me for assault and verbal abuse even though he did all the talking and he hit me first. So now fast forward a few more days and now at eight at night the cops show up at my door and put me in handcuffs for not following the rules they set for me which were that I couldn’t be within fifteen feet of him which is kind of impossible because just like Jasira he also has the same classes as me.

"officer please let me expla-" I said trying to explain myself

"you have the right to remain silent anything you say can and wi-" the officer was telling me my rights

"officer I know my rights, but you have to understand I-" I tried to explain again

"shut up you black piece of garbage I knew I should have sent someone else to come get you," he says slamming me into the back of his car

I can feel my ribs breaking after hitting the back of his car as he tightens the handcuffs then opens his car door and throws me inside. I stick my head out trying to explain one last time then he punches me in the face then forces my head into the car as my mother is standing at the door screaming and yelling at the officer to stop. I look out the window and mouth the words "it's okay mom" to her and continues to cry and shout. The car pulls off with me in the back of it with bruises and blood on my face and broken ribs.

"you have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law you have the right to an attorney if you cannot afford an attorney one will be provided for you" the officer say then lets out a long sigh

Tears roll down my face as I try to wrap my head around what was going on. A while later we got to the police station they put me in a holding cell but as I sit there all bruised up and bloody a black officer sees me, and he asked what was wrong. I explained the situation and what was going on and he wrote it all down. After he understood the situation he let me out of the holding cell and drove me back after that he explains to my mother how it was a "misunderstanding" but we all know that wasn’t the case. I walked upstairs, and I just lost it I mean I threw my clothes, pushed my things off the dresser and then started pacing the floor until I finally sat down on my bed and just thought. I was just thinking about what I could've done differently or what I could've said differently I just knew that something wasn’t right. I got up and went into the bathroom and splashed my face with water and just stared at myself in the mirror and I looked terrible. The cuts, marks, bruises I just felt like my face wasn’ face I stared a little more until tears started to pour from my eyes. I turned off the light and walked from the bathroom into my mother's room easing down onto her bed and I leaned my head against her shoulder she rested her hand on my head and I could feel her breath stuttering as she cried silently.

"mom its ok I'm fine" I tried to tell her in the calmest voice possible

"I know baby I just-" she burst into tears and started sobbing into her hands

I sat up and hugged her as she let her hands fall to her lap and she leaned her head on my shoulders. I patted and rubbed her back in an attempt to calm her down, but it was no use she just cried so I just rubbed her back and waited. After about a good five minutes she finally wiped her eyes and looked up at me, so I smiled holding back so many tears trying to stay strong for her I just smiled. My mom looked at me like she could see straight through my smile and I wouldn't be surprised if she could, so I pretended to yawn then I stood up slowly and kissed my mother's forehead told her goodnight and went into my room. I placed my head on my pillow laying down until I heard it (buzz-buzz) my phone vibrated when I got a text from Jasira so I picked up my phone and it said that if I am awake then call him, so I rolled over and dialed his number then waited and to my surprise he answered on the first ring.

"Hey are you okay?!" He was yelling through the phone

"Um yeah why" I was confused about what he was asking

"Malissa told me what happened with the police officer I'm on my way" he said as he was walking out his front door

"Wait what I didn’t even notice her" I said while sitting up kind of surprised

I sat on my bed thinking of what I was going to tell him. I even wondered if he would be mad but he’ll understand I’m sure. I walked downstairs and waited by the front door for about two minutes and I when I heard the first knock I swung the door open and he practically tackle hugged me. I fell back into the floor and he fell on top of me then he lifted up a little and looked directly into my eyes and I’m not gonna lie I blushed a lot. He brung his face close to mines and kissed me I was surprised at first but then I closed my eyes and started kissing him back. After about six seconds I open my eyes and he pulls away slowly and we both smiled. He got up and helped me up then we went to my room as soon as we got up there I was quiet as a mouse.

"what's wrong did I do something wrong?" He said while putting his hand on my shoulder

"that first kiss" I said while covering my face with the sleeve of my shirt

He smiled at me then moved my sleeve and kissed me again. Then I heard the front door and my mother drop her purse and start to make her way to the stairs. Me and Jasira started to scramble around the room trying to figure out what to do then it hit me.

"oh, I know just act natural" I said quietly while hopping on the bed and grabbing my phone

"right right got you" he said while sitting in the chair in front of my desk.

Jasira played with the stress ball on my desk while I got on snapchat and started to record him secretly. He looked over then realized what I was doing and covered his face then I heard my mother come upstairs and go straight into her room.

"you know I care about you right" he said while his head hung low

"I know" I said while looking at him

"good just making sure" Jasira said while his breath stuttered, and tears dropped onto his pants

"hey hey please don’t cry" I said while my eyes water

I walked over to him and lifted his head while crouching down and I kissed him again. His eyes widened in shock, but I didn’t care about that. He put his palm on my cheek and kissed me back while his other hand clenched his pants and slowly broke the kiss.

"you're such a dummy you know that" he said while slightly smiling

"yeah I know but guess who's dummy I am" I said and laughed

"you are too cute Michael" he smiled

"you are too much for me Jasira" I smiled back at him and layed back on my bed

Dear future self

I...i don’t even know what to say at this point because even though I did fight dean did I really need to be arrested did that much of a consequence come to me just because he was white why does it seem so weird that a white cop took me away but a black cop brung me back or is it just the black cop actually listened while the white cop didn’t. I think I wanna name these scars I'm gonna call them...battle scars yeah battle scars that’s sounds cool even though it hurts when I move my torso...because I'm pretty sure a few of my ribs are broken but my adrenaline hasn’t fully gone away yet, so I can't feel it all the way anyway, like I was saying. How come I have the right to remain silent but not a right to speak how come I have a right to defend myself but get in trouble for doing just that and how is it that we even call these civil rights more like civil wrongs what is wrong with this generation what is wrong with these people. Last week when two of my friends fought the police were not involved and the fight before that and the fight before that this just all confuses me how as a black African American teenage male I can't defend myself from someone who was clearly in the wrong and expect the police not to be involved because I had already knew as soon as I hit him that the police were going to be contacted but I didn’t know all of this was going to happen so since you’re the future me...what do I do next where do I go from here also I'm kind of exited...i got my first kiss today with the boy I love I want to always keep this feeling

Miachel G.~

The author's comments:

So this is my first chapter...I was inspired by author Nic Stone because she is so amazing and her story made me realize that if she can do can I

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