Dear me,

January 31, 2018
By Anonymous

There comes a time in all our lives when we are pushed on to a path, which changes us for the best. Now, if you’re anything like me, you would just shrug, think that this couldn’t possibly tell you something you don’t know, and read on for the heck of it.

But stop for a second and think. How much do they mean to you? Really simple to think about. Then ask yourself, “Why?” Why do they mean anything to you? Why do you feel anything that you do? Why do you react the way you do? What is it that changed things? And do you really know who you are?

It’s a question that haunts all of for as long as we live. There are the select few who truly know who they are. Then there’s my group. We like to think we know who we are. We even convince ourselves of that fact. Then suddenly it’s all gone and...there’s no words left. The first novel in the series is over.

We mould ourselves to expectations and suddenly we begin to run like headless chickens with no destination. That road map has vanished and there’s no more instructions or directions on how to get there. You wonder for hours, months, years to no avail. Every time the ending is in your reach, the shimmering mirage disappears underneath the touch of your fingertips.

It doesn’t hit home until you’re standing at the batter’s plate, on strike two, last batter, one player on base 3 who only needed to make it home for the game to be won. That fear of strike three, of the loss that never permanently heals. You miss the shot. Was it too far out? Damn it! I’ve lost! But the umpire doesn’t call it yet. Ball? Strike? What happened?

Does it ever matter? I’ve lost the best thing. I’ve lost an opportunity. And I’ve washed away all the beautiful colors we’d splattered over the painting we call life. What started out as black and white grew into blues, greens, and eventually the rainbow that still needed to be chased to the pot of gold at the end. 

Now, how do you remember who you are? You realize that it was never about asking for help. It was a game. To see how long they would last. If they won, the truth would be theirs, along with the one thing you never truly ever gave out: your trust.

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