A Mess, a Connection, and a Conclusion

January 22, 2018
By Anonymous

The day had started off just like normal: her first alarm went off at 6am, she put it on snooze two more times for 15 minutes each, she finally wakes up at 6:30am and stretches out like a cat like she did every morning. You see, Bubba was a creature of habit and she didn’t like it when things would change. She had the same routine everyday, even to the small details like the order that she puts on her school uniform. After she turns off the final alarm she turns off her fan, kicks her blankets off, stretches, gets up and turns on the light. She goes to the bathroom and checks in the mirror to see if she has any loose eyelashes and picks them out so she doesn’t get one in her hazel eyes. She brushes her long light brown hair that has natural golden highlights. She goes to the kitchen to set a pair of waffles to cook in the toaster and feed her dog while she waits for them to cook. After her waffles are finished she takes them to her room, eats, then continues to get ready. She puts on her uniform in the same order everyday: pants, shirt, deodorant, tie if it is Tuesday, belt, vest, necklaces, glasses, and then her cardigan. She left the house ready for another normal day, but little did she know that her world would be turned upside down.

Bubba already knew the day would be bad luck because it was Friday the 13th, and she had a long history of being accident prone. Even so, she carried out her day like normal. She went to each of her classes and sat in the same seat that she did every day. Bubba was a little different than the other students. Most would be wrapped up in their own little worlds, ignoring everything else that was happening. Unlike most people who can only notice one conversation or thing at a time, Bubba could hear all the conversations at once. Like having five different radios all playing at similar volumes and all of them are radio shows. She could observe all the different things that would happen and analyze the behaviors of others. She didn’t always understand why these topics interested people, especially the topic of crushes and love.

She had never felt attraction towards anyone, nor did she feel comfortable when her friends would talk about it around her. She never really was open to the idea of being in a relationship. She was afraid that if she let someone in they would want more out of the relationship than she was willing to give. The thought in her head was that if someone got too close to her that they would be unable to handle sharing the pain that she carried. The idea of putting that weight on another was too much to bare. She had become dense to the idea of love, though she was not completely in the dark about it. She could view it from a logical standpoint. There wasn’t any other way that she could deal with the concept of love, but she knew that it was one of those things that was not supposed to be analyzed.

A couple of days earlier her friend, Janet, had said that she needed to talk to her. Bubba had no idea what the talk would be about. She had no clue that it would change things so much. Bubba and Janet sat down for lunch in their usual spot, but this time the air felt different. You could feel the tension in the air, strong enough to get you anxiety. Janet was acting strange, well a different type of strange than her usual goofy self. Janet was twirling her dark brown hair between her fingers and looking at the ground. Bubba could tell that Janet had something that was difficult to say. When Janet finally spoke, she confessed that she has like liked Bubba for awhile. Bubba was so confused, she didn’t know how to respond or how she felt. It all clicked into place for Bubba about Janet’s behavior towards her. Playing with Bubba’s hands and hair, staring, purposely being annoying, etc. Bubba felt horrible because she realised how difficult it must be for Janet because of Bubba’s discomfort with the physical nature of relationships. They both knew that the relationship would probably never work out between them. Bubba was open to the idea of cuddling and cutesy stuff like that, but she wasn’t sure if she was ok with going further. Janet wanted cutesy stuff too, but also wanted more and eventually a relationship of a more physical nature.

Janet had kept it a secret because she knew that it would make things awkward, but Janet still wanted them to be just friends, which sent Bubba into a state of confusion. Bubba was really happy that Janet liked her for the way she was, but it also hurt a lot because she knew that it must be extremely difficult for Janet not to be able to follow through with those feelings.

Bubba couldn’t focus for the rest of the day. She couldn’t stop thinking about it and she wondered if there was any way that things could work. The more she thought about it the more she started to feel different than she had ever felt before. She tried really hard to not be awkward around Janet, but she found it nearly impossible the look at her for more than a few seconds. Later she was able to talk more about it with Janet through texting. She couldn’t help but to ask what Janet sees in her to make her feel this way.

Bubba couldn’t understand what anyone would see in her. She didn’t think that she was pretty, she knew that she was way more sensitive to just about everything than she should be, and had too much darkness inside to be loved. With Janet’s response it caused a fountain of tears to stream down Bubba’s cheeks. It made Bubba understand how deeply Janet felt for her. It gave her loads of happiness but also caused her great sorrow. Bubba didn’t know what to do because her feelings were so conflicted. As they talked, a new feeling began to grow inside Bubba; something vastly different from anything that she had felt before. She couldn’t understand this new feeling and had no idea what it was. All she knew is that it made her feel wonderful but a little sad at the same time. Janet and Bubba talked with each other more than they had ever before.

Bubba wanted to make things better in any way that she could, but she couldn’t process the situation. All that she had ever done was to analyze situations logically, but she knew that was no way to treat love. She felt lost and confused. Bubba thought long and hard to understand this feeling. A feeling that she never had before, the one thing missing from her life. The only conclusion she could come to was that this feeling couldn’t be anything other than love.

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