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March 15th, 2017
Arden. Just the sound of his name makes the world seem bright. I love him so much. He makes me feel so safe and warm when I’m in his arms, as if everything is okay, and I don’t have a care in the world. Well, besides caring for him, and him caring for myself, of course. Tomorrow is our 6 month anniversary, and I honestly can’t wait. As if spending my days with him doesn’t make the world seem to light up enough, tomorrow will be even better.
March 16th, 2017
Call me crazy, but the sun is shining brighter. Everyone’s smiles are wider and even some of the brown, dirty leftover snow from February seems alright, giving me a sense of hope. I began seeing the world through rose colored glasses. Everything around For our six month anniversary, he took me to the park and we had a picnic. It wasn’t too hot, and it wasn’t too cold. It was perfect. We sat and talked for hours, hoping the day would never end.
The day we met was probably the sunniest day of the year, so I should’ve known it was going to be a day to remember. That day, I was in the same park, riding my bike, when I rode over a rock and somehow ended up off my bike and on the ground. I had scraped my knee and as I was examining the wound, I noticed the most radiant pair of bright, ocean blue eyes looking down on me. He reached out his hand and I stared at it, unsure of what my awkward self should do next.
“Can I help you up?” He said after a silent, strange few seconds. I could feel his eyes on me and those few silent, strange seconds felt as long as a few hours.
I shook my head no out of embarrassment and wiped the dirt off of myself.
“Are you sure?” he pursued, extending his hand out to me. I looked at him like a deer in headlights.
“Oh, I meant yeah, um, sorry,” The words needed to form my sentences were all there in my brain, but for some reason, I was so taken aback that my tongue was tied and couldn’t put the words in a logical order. I took his hand and he hoisted me up, laughing. “What’s so funny?” I said stubbornly.
“You’re cute. I’m Arden. What’s your name?”
I blushed, “I’m Emma. Nice to meet you.”
God, I was so awkward. I can’t believe that was his first impression of me, I’m honestly still embarrassed. I wouldn’t have changed the day we met even if I could.
March 23rd, 2017
Life’s moving pretty slowly. Not much is happening to be completely honest. Arden and I are great, he got me lots of candy after our picnic (which I enjoyed). We hung out today and watched a movie. Except, he spent a lot of time on his phone, yet when I asked him about it, he dismissed me immediately.
“Hey, Arden, get off your phone,” I said nagging him, looking up with puppy dog eyes. “Why don’t you actually watch the movie?”
He smiled and kissed me on the forehead, “I’m sorry, I’ll be done now.”
“What were you doing on your phone anyway?”
He hesitated, “Oh, nothing”, and looked away, refusing to make eye contact.
I nudged him, trying to break the tension, “You sure?”
“Yeah,” he replied quietly. I quickly dropped the subject, realizing it was probably nothing and that if it were an actual issue, he’d tell me.
I brought up last night to my older sister, Kaya. She was convinced that Arden was cheating on me but I denied it. I don’t know… maybe he would do something like that. He wouldn’t do that to me, right? He’s amazing, so why would he even do that? I hadn’t even thought of the idea of him being with someone else until Kaya brought it up. Now I’m paranoid. Is he really going to extra math help? I better start calling him more often. Tomorrow, I think I’ll take extra long to get to my classes just to catch him in the hallway. Or maybe I’ll just snoop through his phone and read his texts. Yeah, that’s a better idea.
Today, Arden and I are going to go to the movies. I’m really excited… but also nervous because I’m going to go check and see what he was going on his phone the other day. I’m sure it will all end up being fine. I’m bringing my diary with me because I want to capture it all as it’s happening. I mean, if I find out he is cheating on me, I want it documented. That sounds so weird. That’s not weird, right? Okay, it’s a while later, I’m at the movies and Arden is in the bathroom right now. Okay… typing in his password… of course I know it. Alright, and let’s check messages first… Who’s Molly? Let’s open tha-
I read them. I wish I hadn’t. Oh, come on Emma. Stop lying to yourself. I’m glad I read the texts because now I know what kind of a guy Arden really is. He had been talking to this girl, Molly for weeks. Almost immediately after I had read their texts, I felt the whole world crashing down on me. The weight of this dark, dreary world, sitting on my frail shoulders. Within a matter of hours it seemed like everything became a horrible, haphazard mess. Of course to make today worse, the weather outside was horrendous. The sun was covered by a massive clump of clouds that looked as dark and grey as I felt.
I read somewhere that one of the stages of being rejected is acceptance. That’s where I’m at right now. Everything is still gloomy and a step up from horrible but at least I realized that I don’t need someone like Arden in my life anymore. On the brighter side of things, once Molly found out that Arden was with me, she ended things with him because she didn’t want to be with a person who thinks it’s okay to cheat on their girlfriend. That’s karma, I guess.