“Come on, Ellie!” I giggle and dance away from you. The moon is bright and illuminates your pale face.

Your eyes glance quickly from side to side, “Marie, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

I push the shaggy blond hair away from my eyes. “Scared much?”

You rub your goose-bumped arms, “N-no I just don’t think we should be this close to the edge when it’s dark out.” I laugh out loud and the sound echoes around us. I slowly start to walk backward closer and closer to the edge.

“I double dog dare you.”

You shake your head quickly making your hair swish back and forth. I roll my eyes, “So we came all the way out here, in our bathing suits, just so you could chicken out?” You stand silently with your towel wrapped around you tightly.

I throw my hands up in exasperation, “Ellie, it’s the beginning of our goddamn senior year! Do you know what that means?”

Your voice is meek as usual “That we’re gonna be applying to colleges soon?”

“No!” I can feel my cheeks flushing pink from the chilly air. “It means that this is the year to be remembered! We make our legacy this year! Do you always want to be known as the boring wallflower?”

As soon as the words exit my mouth I know I’ve said the wrong thing to you. Your eyes fill with tears and your bottom lip trembles.

“Oh El,” I say as I walk over and wrap my arms around your small frame. “I didn’t mean it."

“No you’re right,” you mumble into my shoulder, “I’m a nobody.”

I pull away and look you straight in the eyes. “Do you want to change that?”

It took some convincing but eventually, I persuaded you to do what we had come to do. You stood on the edge and looked down at the dark area below. “It looks really far down, Marie. Are you sure about this?”

“I’m positive. There are no rocks and the water is the perfect depth. You can do this.”

“I don’t know I-”

“Do not back out on me now Ellie Montgomery.”

You look at me with your big fawn eyes and whisper, “But-.”
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Where I stand today is where I made the biggest mistake of my life. Where I took you, Ellie, a sweet innocent girl and made you do something that turned my life upside down.

Where I stand is a place that will forever haunt me. It is the place where I know that I could have made a different decision and changed the way my life would go.

Where I stand is the root of the rumors. It is what could have stopped people from whispering about me and you in the hallways of our school.

“Did you hear that Marie Montgomery made her sister…” That line is something that I have heard every day since I made my mistake.

Where I stand is a graveyard. That large rock right there, the headstone. It marks the place where a life was ended far too soon. A life that I took.
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“But nothing El!” I yelled at you. “You have no f***ing excuse to back out on me now!” And then I did it. I pushed you. I pushed my amazing twin sister off of a ledge that fell down down down into freezing water. Simply because I wanted something to leave behind. And I got it.

______________________________________________________

So tonight, I stand in the place where we stood that night.

Tonight, I graduated high school. I received my diploma, shook hands with my teachers, and threw my cap up into the air with my fellow peers. But there was one thing missing at my graduation ceremony. You, Ellie. You. You should have been by my side throughout the whole night. You should have been with me when I learned we both got into Cambridge. You should have been with me every night after that night.

Where I stand tonight is the last place I will ever stand. You didn’t deserve to die Ellie. You didn’t deserve what I did to you.

I told you we should leave a legacy behind for our senior year. And we did. And for that I am truly sorry.