Ah, Rosaleen, the most beautiful young lady I had ever seen. I remember the day I had first laid my eyes on such a beauty; she had her long auburn brown hair loose and free flowing on each side of her face just reaching her hips. She had fair skin with rosy cheeks, a slim face and the softest, most innocent smile you'd ever seen. Every detail of her appearance was no doubt perfect, but it was her eyes that struck me the hardest. Her eyes looked as if they were made for Aphrodite herself; the stars couldn't outshine the light within her eyes. When I had first seen dear Rosaleen it was just my first year of college, and right away I had known that I loved her.Though I never worked up the courage to speak to her I still felt her hold, her grasp on my soul, consuming my every thought. Seeing her in the murky class room was like seeing a phoenix caged with its flames smothered. I worshiped the ground she walked on, the air she breathed. She a sophomore; me a freshman. Her a goddess; me a slave to mortality. It’d seem disrespectful for a nerd like me to approach her. So I’d sit and try to capture her heavenly features in my own art.
It was sophomore year; junior year for Rosaleen. Our distance had become a casual smile and sometimes a friendly hello, everything had seemed to be going so great for me. Until she met him… James Lorance. He was a senior in the same college with a reputation of anger that must not have reached Rosaleen’s ears. Suddenly her smiles got brighter, her eyes shined as if the heavens were escaping.
Most will say I have a perfect life. I have a rich dad with a new woman each night. I’m head of the football team, hottest guy in school, and drive a 1988 Ford Mustang. But I have this pain, this urge to scream out and tell people the reality of my life, I’m not perfect, my life sure the hell isn’t either.
I woke up at 5am as usual, followed my natural routine, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, got dressed, and went downstairs to stumble onto my father's disposable toy. I don’t even look them in the eyes anymore, they’re just another ‘hit an’ run’ that I'll never meet again. I walked out the door without saying a word.
When I walked into school it was the same, it’s always the same, sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in a loop, same actions, same path, same people, same parties, nothing changes. Until I saw her, she was so beautiful, but yet so different. Her hair flew free in the slight breeze of the hallway, she wore no makeup revealing these slight freckles, she looked up and as we locked eyes I swear she looked into my heart and brightened up any dark thought I had. She was the most innocent looking person, her smooth face was never ruined with makeup, her hair was never chopped by sharp metal blades, her lips never to frown, her eyes never to cry and this is when I knew I wanted her, she would make me different, she would make me better.
The way he looked at her, I could see that he did not appreciate her beauty as much as she deserved. She should have more, more than me, more than him, more than human. He stole her, he trapped her in his perfect disaster of a life. As humans we see a beautiful flower and we pick it, killing it, just so we can have even just the shortest time embracing its beauty. Just like any rich person, perfect pretty boy saw something he wanted and picked her.
Our first month together was amazing! I learned about her interest in art and philosophy, I met her doll of a mother who lay sick in the hospital. She talked about her abusive father and I talked about my deceased mother. She and I were two pieces of an unfinished puzzle. In the second month her father came back into her life and I still hadn’t told her about my own anger issues I thought I could never lay a hand on her, I thought I was getting better. I kept my anger in as much as I could, in the fear that I might lose her if I acted out. She went home alone on thursday, she told me this crying, she walked inside and her father sat there with a beer in is hand. He stood up and asked her where her mother was, she couldn’t tell him she said and he hit her. Hearing this, seeing the dark bruise on her beautiful face, I filled with rage. I asked Rosaleen to come live with me, I had enough room, and my father wouldn't mind, as he was off enjoying his own life.
That day in class I noticed a bruise on Rosaleen's face, as if someone had hit her. How could anyone be cruel enough to do such a thing. To think, someone could pick the delicate rose and rip a petal. To think a man with a perfect life can hurt a perfect woman. I did something right after class, I confronted him. I thought I was right but I had forgotten that I am just the strange kid in the back of the class.
Some nerd pushed me after class, that's all I knew at the time. Some kid that I didn't even know assumed I hit Rosaleen. He got me so mad, just by a shove and assumption. I punched him.. And it made her cry. I poisoned us. She knows who I am now. God, what is wrong with me? Fix me please, i just want to be normal, fix me. I pulled her aside, I had to tell her the truth. I can't be my father, that angry son of a b**** who wakes up next to some whore and gets out of bed just to do a line of coke and run off to find his next victim. He’s a tornado that storms though destroying anyone in his path. I was so worried to tell her everything but she told me its ok and she'll stick behind me no matter what, I think I love her, the only woman who gets me.
He might not have hit her but he hit me, that just shows that he hasn't changed a bit since high school. I just hope that she saw what he can do, or at least saw enough to do a little research. He thinks that his cracked up daddy covered up everything but the people here that new james in high school will remember. I see it now, what I have to do, I have to show her everything. Tomorrow is the assembly, and I can show who he is, she needs to know what he did to me, she needs to know who she’s been with for almost three months.
Today I woke up next to the prettiest girl I’ve ever met, I kissed her good morning. That's the new step in my routine, and I love it. Today's the assembly and usually I'd ditch with my friends to go party but instead i'm walking in with her as the happiest guy alive I turn 23 today and rosaleen woke me up with chocolates. We got to school around 730 am, just before the assembly. When we sat down she turned and smiled at me. It started in five minutes and one of rosaleen’s friends was first so she and I watched for support. Now I thought everything was going so great, nothing could change this blossoming happiness that I felt, growing stronger and stronger by the minute. This feeling lasted until that damn nerd came on stage as the third speaker. He was giving a slide show… about me. What does this guy want from me?
I walked up on stage as the most confident and revengeful man alive. I started with an introduction along the lines ‘Hello everyone!’ The crowd stopping their clapping slowly. ‘So some of you probably know my buddy james over here..’ I pointed over at james his face filled with shock. ‘If you do, then you know how he is. Do you remember me james? Huh?’
Then I explained how he used to torment me, how he embarrassed me infront of the whole high school, how i had to switch to a different school sophomore year because he and his a**hole buddies decided to tape me to a wall in just my underwear after beating me up.
I wish I would have known then what I know now. I wish I would have known what I was doing to dear sweet rosaleen.
I stormed out trying to hold in my anger. I went outside, I paced back and forth so angry I teared up. Rosaleen followed behind me in tears ‘how could you have done this?!’ she yelled. ‘What’s wrong with you!’ I wanted to explain but I was just trying to calm down. ‘Say something damn it!’ Pure silence, I didn't know what to say, how could I possibly redeem myself? 'Go home James, I'll pick my stuff up later.’ I looked at her, my heart was stopped, she turned and walk back inside and I went home with a broken heart.
When Rosaleen walked back in wiping away her tears, she looked like she was hurt too. I thought it'd be for the better, she didn't have to waste her time on that guy anymore.
When I got home my father was just stepping out of the house, leaving with yet another one night stand. I walked inside and went into my dad's room. I dusted off his small square safe and opened it, inside was a Glock 9mm. It had one bullet inside and I was planning on using it on myself. I wouldn't turn into my father, I couldn't live in a world that didn't understand me. I went downstairs into the kitchen, got some water, then sat down at the breakfast table. I studied everything with my eyes from the kitchen sink to the front door to the condensation on my hand from the glass cup of water. This was it, it's finally over. I put the gun to my head with my finger on the trigger and then right before I pulled my finger back she walked in and screamed 'Stop!’
I cried back 'Why should I? I have no love and I'm a monster!’ We both just kept yelling at eachother until i got up quick and slammed the gun down hard on the table my finger hit the trigger and shot her right in a main artery on her side. I watched her fall in shock. I was so traumatized I couldn’t even think. I fell onto my knees breathing so hard i felt dizzy and sick. What did i do? Look at what you did! Am I crazy? 20 minutes later it came to me 911! I need to call 911! There was so much blood, what if it was too late?
[Operator: 911 what’s your emergency?
James: Hello! I need help! She’s dying!
Operator: Calm down sir, what’s your address?
James: 108 shire street! Come quick.
Operator: Someone will be on there way soon.]
I sat on the step in front of my house and watched the ambulance take my girl away. Two cops walked up to me and asked if I was ok and what had happened. Still in shock I explained to them that it was an accident, I told them everything. They had me stand up so they could put me in handcuffs then walked me to the cop car.
That was thirteen years ago, I got lucky with my sentance. 20 to life with the chance of parole. I killed something rare that day, I destroyed a star, a masterpiece.
There’s not a day that I don’t think about her, or that day. I wish I could go back and take it all back, it’s all my fault that she’s gone. I will always love you, dear Rosaleen.