It all started a few years ago on a camping trip. It was all good until Phil, my mom’s boyfriend got too drunk. That’s where everything went wrong, he hit my older brother with a broken Corona bottle, he said something “smart”. My mom tried to stop the blood falling from Nick’s head but there was too much. I ran into the tent with my stuffed dog that I had named Fish. Fish was always there for me when Phil would be mean to mom, it was always the little things that set him off like mom coming home five minutes late or even if dinner wasn't done on schedule. He's always get angry at Nick, mom, even me.
That was a few years ago though before gran-gran took us from mom, before Nick moved to Kansas, before I got into this thing people call foster care. I call it jail there's no freedom and I don't know anybody. All the older girls call me their friend but don't like them they tell me that I’m here because I’m unwanted and a waste of space. I’m not so sure that we’re friends if they tell me that. Life gets hard to cope with when all you hear is “you're not wanted” or “you're a waste of space” and all the other negative words and phrases I hear. I'm still here though.
Sometimes I think about leaving Earth, just to see what death has to offer, maybe there’s an afterlife, maybe there’s not. Will I just be dead or does God have a plan with better joys for me to come to. I was in my room crying after the girls had called me some skunk girl. The park that was just down the road of the foster care had my favorite swing in that's the swing my mother would push me in every Sunday after church until Phil ruined it. sometimes I go back there longing for my mother's love and how she always used to push me forward and back. But yeah I sent in that swing grasping onto fish as long and tight as I could. As I was sitting on my bed bawling holding my face sister Maria approached my bed. She asked me “why are you crying dear there's no need to cry” sister Maria was the only foster care nun that monitored the halls .she was actually my favorite because she cared for me and she would give me jelly filled donuts before and after dinner time. Sister Maria was the hardest working nun of ever met. Then there is sister Madison and sister Christian. Sister Madison was the mean one she would always boss around sister Maria and tell her what to do, she would also slap me if I didn't give her a daily compliment. last was sister Christian she was
sensitive one, she get really sad if one of the girls left or as we call it now “adopted” and she would also get really really sad if we try to trick her and say the food was disgusting. Early Sunday morning sister Madison and sister Christian came in and sat on my bed. I immediately knew something was wrong because sister Christian was bawling as if all the girls had died. Sister Madison broke it to me hard”maria is dead”. It was instant tears then both the nuns shuffled out of my room. I didn't eat for a whole 3 weeks, it was like a huge hole had been punched into my stomach. Every night I'd wake up in the middle of my slumber and scream as if I was getting murdered. It was only sister Christian that cared about me now she'd come and calm me down. Other nights sister Madison with come in and slap me out my sleep and on the nights that was she was really mad, should come in put a pillow over my face and try to strangle me to death . Something that all the other girls and the nuns didn't know , I was smart and I knew all about the orphanage, I knew that the orphanage was broke and all the girls were about to be relocated to Mary's orphanage, how all the nuns never return after going into the woods, how sister Madison never wanted the girls to be adopted because she was never adopted. This made perfect sense to me because every single time a girl is to be adopted she tells the parents why they shouldn't be adopted and if this doesn't work she goes to plan B, then before the day the girl leaves she tries to kidnap her and hide her in the shed deep in the woods.” you shouldn't take this one you should take the other one because she well she isn't smart like the other girls” The day that I was adopted was the happiest day of my life because I finally got to leave that place. I came here when I was only four I'm leaving now 16. Fish and I had a happy life.