8/07/17 2:47 pm
Why can’t things always go my way?
It seems like everyday, I ask myself that same question. Or at least I used to. Now, a lot of things go my way. But they haven’t for the last 7 years. Pretty much at the same time everyday when I woke up, that’s all that came to mind. Not what normal teenagers may think such as I’m tired or What am I wearing today? It was, why can’t things go my way all the time? You’re probably thinking, “Wow, this chick was full of herself!” And maybe I am, but after all I’ve been through, I probably should be. So before you start jumping to conclusions, hear me out first.
My name is Kyla Alvarrez and I have a family full of surgeons,pediatricians, cardiologists and pretty much any other doctor you can think of. Coming from a large, traditional Hispanic Catholic family, I am expected to continue the family business of becoming a doctor. But I didn’t plan on that. Don’t get me wrong, doctors are amazing. There are so many different kinds and they’re all useful, but not a single one of them is my cup of tea. Sure, I like donating money and stuff and volunteering is always fun, but I could never take on the responsibility of people’s lives the way doctors do. I’m not interested, but for the first 17 years of my life, everyone else thought I was. Which is odd, considering I rarely talked about. I’m sure you’re wondering where this is going. Just be patient. Anyways, while all of this was going on (this being my life), no one cared to ask me what I wanted to be, which is pretty ridiculous. Just in case you were wondering what I wanted to be, it’s a producer. Or a singer. Songwriter. Rapper. Anything in the music industry really but a producer is preferable. I’ve always had a passion for music. And I craved a career in the music industry practically all my life. I felt like it was my true calling, the way the sun is destined to rise in the east and set in the west. I always knew that it wouldn’t be easy opening up to my parents, but I never expected it to go the way it did. To say they were disappointed would be a total understatement.
2/9/10 6:39 pm
Never would I have predicted such a reaction. Never in my life would I have expected my father to say that, much less at the dinner table. Never would I have thought my whole word would be flipped upside down with one word. In the moment, it sucked to hear, but it’s what got me here, so I have to be somewhat grateful for that.
Completely dumbfounded, I can only say what’s on my mind: “What?”
My father looks at me across the table, both of our eyes steady on each other. I can barely hold his gaze, observing the fire dancing behind his eyes. Following my abrupt question, my father’s words stream out of his mouth like a savage current and his voice seems to rise after each sentence.
“Your mother and I, all these years, have been so happy with the way you came out. Beautiful, smart, intelligent, kind. We raised you perfectly and set you up for a successful life. And what do you claim you want to be?” His wild eyes beckon an answer.
Nervousness flushing my whole body, I reply as boldly as I can, “A producer.”
He throws his head back with a sarcastic laugh. His face is flushed red, and I can only wonder if it’s because of the laughter or anger. Probably both.
With the dirty laughter bubbling down, his face regains the serious demeanor he held before.
“Your family has all contributed to getting you into the best schools and programs so that you can live the prosperous lives we have. To think you could be so selfish to say, you want to be thi- this producer,” he spits, “It disgusts me, quite frankly.”
Shook by his dispute, I mustered all the strength inside that I possibly could’ve after being belittled by my father, a figure I thought was my number 1 supporter all my life. Rising from the table, I push all the warning thoughts to the back of my mind, and suddenly I’m saying everything I would have never said before. But this was now.
“I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not. I truly appreciate all you have done for me leading up to this moment, but the truth is, I don’t need you anymore.”
I see the flicker of pain briefly cross his face, but he remains squinting angrily up at me. Strangely, it feels good knowing it hurts. Knowing this affects me as much as it does him.
“I don’t know if that makes you mad or not, but it’s the truth. And I’m not a little girl for you to just baby. I’m grown up, about to graduate in 6 months. And before you know it, the day is here and I’m receiving my diploma. And sooner than you think, I’ll be leaving to pursue my own dream, not your dream. I know you and the rest of the family loves what they do, but I don’t and won’t ever love it as much as everyone else. It’s not my passion, the way music is,” I plead.
“I’m an adult and to truly prosper in this world, I have to make something of myself. And I can’t do that following by following your fantasy.”
I rested my case, feeling the immense amount of weight lifted of my shoulders.
8/07/17 5:04 PM
Just like that, life crumbled. It fell. If you’re guessing that I left the shelters of my house and went out in the world like someone looking for their path in life, you’re guessing correctly. I thought the moment was hard and painful, but it was a field trip compared to the difficulties I went through working for my success. So here I am, 7 years later, driving my Range Rover home from work in the city right now with a ten dollar coffee in the cupholder. On a more serious note, my life wasn’t all glitter and sunshine the way it is now. These last couple years could have been a lifetime, for all I knew. Being away from home, barely out of high school, in a new environment, was scary, to say the least. It kind of sucks the way things started out but I wouldn’t be here without all struggles I’ve had to endure. At least now I don’t have to ask myself, Why can’t things always go my way?