Why? is a question we all ask ourselves, sometimes more than others. We ask it everyday, sometimes used frequently for everyday situations, but sometimes Why? Is more than just a question it can be an infinite pool of answers, possibilities and fantasies, and even sometimes nightmares. Why is a question nobody really knows how to answer, so that gives us the chance to wonder, overthink and let our imagination take over, and our imagination sometimes can be too powerful, too real. When we start to wonder we make up a fake reality but in the end it's up to us to either make it full of sunshine and rainbows or make it an endless nightmare made up of horrible memories that turn into monsters that chase us…

My courisness and skepticism started from the moment I realized my best friend Jess had changed drastically. My wondering all started when Jess left to New York to visit her uncle her mom had kept a secret and finally decided to tell her. When Jess told me about her visiting her uncle in New York, she was jumping with excitement, her mom was a prostitute, and her dad wasn’t with them, and her little sister Cassy, and other than that she had a perfect life. Jess didn't have aunts, uncles, cousins, nor grandparents. So imagine Jess’s excitement when she discovered she had an uncle. And his name was Bob. Jess was eager to meet Bob, she had already written him a letter about how she was so happy to meet him. Jess always imagined having that cool uncle everyone wanted, but that's where she was very wrong. This was the beginning of Jess’s change, the too happy girl became undesirable.

Jess and Cara best friends forever.  Jess was the really happy girl, despite the fact that she came from a really dark past and poor family. Followed by very unfortunate events. But still she managed to stay strong, and smile. Jess was that one girl in school that was everything a girl wanted to be; popular, skinny, smart and gorgeous. As far as I go all you need to know is my name I was nothing special I was the freakishly smart tomboy. Jess the beauty and me, Cara the brains. Jess had it all popularity, good friendships and everyone loved her even Ms. Simone who hated everyone loved her. Once Jess came home from school, she had still had a long day ahead of her, she finished her homework, cooked, cleaned, and if errands had to be done, Jess would do them, Jess became a second mother to Cassy. Cassy: 7 years old and had asthma of course just like any cliche messed up family. So Jess had to pretend that their life was just normal, her life had to become normal to Cassy and Jess.
Jess’s Mom Carla: was a smoker, prostitute, and a careless, negligent mom, it was rare for Carla to be home, and when she was she just stared at them vacantly, unbothered by the fact that they were home alone all the time 24 hours a day,  every day 7 days a week. Jess’s secret about her mom who was a prostitute was untold for obvious reasons, and the world didn’t need to know she was forced into prostitution because of her abusive husband. Jess’s dad eventually arrested. Carla told Jess she had an Uncle in New York because, she knew she wasn't always home (never home)  so she said she needed a father figure even though she disagreed with Carla, she was still very excited. When they were ready to go Carla started to get cold feet, but somehow Jess managed to convince her mom to go. Carla knew this wasn’t going to end well because Bob was just as bad as Carla’s ex-husband, but they left to New York to go and, so began to the spiraling crash of Jess’s life.

On the way there Jess’s excitement grew bigger and bigger she imagined a luxurious small house with modern chairs, fancy lights when you walk up to the door. And there it was, looking like a can of sardines and even smelled like one too. The rank smell was almost uninvited but Jess plugged her nose and braced herself for what was about to happen. When he opened the door he seemed surprised Jess was there And even confused, then Carla said, “hey bob, long time no see.” And there he was, scruffy beard piercing eyes and wearing a flannel. She froze Jess stood still as if time had stopped. Staring at him blanklessly. She greeted him and nothing happens no connection, no nothing. Just a pleasantry. As Jess entered his small trailer, she noticed the inside looked even worse than the inside, almost as cute as a vintage soda can, not at all what Jess expected, she described his house as “rustic southern bar themed restaurant” but not the fancy modern type. It was furnished with an old green couch, and a flannel blanket thrown on top of it, to cover an old salsa stain he was totally unbothered to clean. he probably thought it was a good idea. The Windows were just as dirty as everything in his trailer, there were beer bottles, and cans everywhere 4 bottles of corona holding up his TV was his idea of a good-cheap TV stand. The smell brought back so many memories and not the good ones. Jess suddenly remembered the night her dad was arrested, never to be seen again. Tears flooded my eyes a tear quickly running down her face one after another, her vision became blurry and tripped and fell. She cried the hardest she's ever cried before. She saw Bob standing in front of her, subtlety he put his arm around her and Jess was confused, embarrassed and, uncomfortable, his touch was not comforting at all, this made her want to cry harder and harder. And he asked her what was wrong and she just said “I miss my dad, I don't see my mom, and I wish we could just pay the rent on time.”

Bob quickly said, “well, help your mom out down at the bar, you guys could pay the rent quicker and she wouldn't have to work so long with you there.”
“As a prostitute ?” Said Jess
“Yes, you guys would not have much trouble anymore with the rent, and other bills, and even some extra money!” Said bob confidently and smiling at me as if asking a 12-year-old girl to be a prostitute was not bad at all.

Not even thinking about the consequences she said yes. And imagined her mom being home for Christmas. So ignored the fact that she was going to be a prostitute now, and being forced to be a prostitute. So weeks went by and she learned how to be deal with older men, she hated what she did but constantly reminded herself about Carla being home for Christmas. The landlord decided to raise the rent and Jess decide to finally do something and get some money no matter what. That same day an old rich man honked at me and I bent over to see what he wanted and just said “a lot of money is on the line” and Jess forgetting she was a prostitute she got in his car and said asked what he wanted. And he said nothing and looked at her, in a disturbing way and she turned around and reached for the door but it was too late, he had locked the door and smiled and quickly drove away. So you can imagine what happened next.

From that moment she faded away completely the bubbly, happy Jess was gone, she became closed with me, she was sad, didn't care to come to school anymore the last week we spent together before she moved to Michigan she were just sad, and depressing to watch, during lunch she wouldn't say anything, she just ate lunch and ignored me, but stayed with her, I knew she needed someone even if  we didn't talk I knew she wanted me to sit with her. One day she asked me “will I ever find love, will I ever be comfortable around people again?”
“I don't know, but I know you will get through this, you are a strong girl”
“Will I ever find love?” She said to me with the saddest eyes looking up at me

I didn't say anything I simple hugged her, she hugged me back tightly, I knew she needed this. The days went by and I noticed her cutting herself, wearing black, baggy clothes, and even bullying other kids. When Jess finally moved, all I could remember about her was a sad girl, Jess dissolved completely from my life, Jess faded from my thoughts, I had forgotten about the old Jess like I had never met her but at the same time I had met a new Jess: unhappy, sad 12-year-old girl. We weren't best friends anymore, There was no more Jess and Cara it was just Jess, Jess the bully.. The girl that was too happy, became an undesirable… Her eyes that used to be filled with life, became graveyards.