The ruler

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Evil is everywhere.

It is in you closet, it is in your socks.

No wonder they stink.
  
Evil spirits lurk the hallways of your home.

I still remember the omnious sentences it said, word for word.

I also remember the scar that ruler left.

One night, in the gloomy town of Sunnyvale, during the twilight hours where spirits roam, I was tucked away in my bed. I was wide awake. I’ve always had trouble sleeping. For a 4rd grader, I had much energy. I sat up in bed and looked at all the things in my room. The chalkboard that I never used, the old and empty closet, and the poster my mom printed for my brother’s birthday. His smile looked diabolical. I flopped back down and closed my eyes shut, trying to fall asleep. Suddenly, I felt the air around me harden. I opened my eyes wide and tried to move with all my might. I couldn’t for some reason. I felt like screaming, but I couldn’t.

Then came the pressure. A whining noise started in my head. It got louder and louder till it seized control of my body, drowning all thought. All I could see was the darkness of my room, and the wardrobe in front of me. Than the bodiment of evil spoke, whose voice I shall remember to my dying day.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen!, the voice that was me yet not me said, sinister and commanding. Lend me your ears! I shall conquer Rome and America, yes I shall conquer.

The pressure reached its frenzy. I felt like flies had crawled into my ear and were now tap dancing on my head. White mist filled my vision, and all was still.

The mist cleared and I was staring at the wall, eyes open chest heaving. I stared into the darkness of my room, the dark where evil resides.

In the morning I was tired. I had not slept a wink that fateful night. I trudged out of bed, choked down a measly breakfast, and had my mom drop me at school. I dragged myself up to my classroom. After roll call, the teacher called me up to present a long speech about anything.

         A lot of exaggerating and propaganda later.

“...And that is why cats are so much smarter, cooler, convenient, and all around awesomer than dogs”. I take a sophisticated gentleman bow. Cat lovers applauded. Dog lovers looked at me like I was a pile of garbage. I give them a smug smile, than the class a real smile. I walked to my desk with a smirk on my face. A note was tossed onto my desk. I slowly unfolded it. It said Haha! What a nub! The person who threw the note was pretending it never happened . The memory of last night surfaced for some reason.

More people went up and spoke their speeches. There titles went like this:

Dogs are Cool
All about Mules
Dr.Seuss
Story of a moose
Global Warming
My Greatest Morning
        

Or something like that. I wouldn’t know. Their speeches went like this to me:

Warble Blob Work Burble Blork Blagle.

I’m not very good in the memory department, but I digress.

People went up and said their speeches until it was Akash’s turn. He cleared his throat and proudly took out his very big pile of script. He always tried to be the best, raising his hand all the time, doing calculus(yes calculus) for a simple problem, being stuck up, etc. Nobody liked him. I looked around the class. People had come prepared. One person had a pillow. Another had dark glasses and another had a book hidden underneath his desk. Others did not even try to hide their groans and statements of ‘here we go again’.

Akash took a breath, prepared his ‘give me a good grade’ smile and said, “Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears”.

It was the words from my dream!

I sat straight up and opened my eyes to their widest extent. A little devil and a little angel popped up on my shoulders.

“He’s an evil spirit”, cried the devil, brandishing his pitchfork.

“Don’t listen to him!”, pleaded the angel. “It’s probably just a coincidence”.

“No No!”, cried the devil with an evil smile.

“Yus Yus!”, the angel declared.

No No!

           Yus Yus!

Let the noble Antony speak!
          Akash’s speech was continuing in the background.

No No!

           Yus Yus!

But Brutus said he was ambitious.

         No No!

                                                                                                          Yus Yus!

         And Brutus was an honorable man.

I decided I had enough. I swatted the angel aside and pulled out my ruler. In stories, the devil was always portrayed as an evil being, but the devil said he was evil, and the devil is an honorable man.

I wielded my ruler with the expertise of a master swordsman.


                 …

Charging down the rows.
Anger portrayed on my face.
Ruler hits Akash.
The evil has been conquered.
Now I’m in trouble.

                                                           …

     I twiddled my thumbs as I sat in the office.
     Akash glowered at me, rubbing his sore cheek. The one with the ruler scar.
     Adults bickered and babbled in the background.
     I yawned and stretched. This was all such a bore.
     Akash scowled at me for not feeling sorry.
     I wasn’t sorry. I had stared danger in the face. I had conquered evil!
     My mom did not seem to share my opinion.
     Someone came into the office. He left the door open.
     I seized my chance and ran.
     Out the door.
     Out the school.
     Smack into a car. A stationary one.
     I did not hear the others yelling for me.
     I was a hero that day, and heroes never turn back.

     Boy was I deluded.

Afterwards, I made my way back to my school to find a lot of people that were mad at me. There was my mom, a policemen, the principal, my teacher, and Akash and his parents. Everybody was also glowering at me. My mom hugged me, then scolded me for a trillion years, till I was an old man with a stick and yard long beard. The policemen finally stopped glowering to say that he was heading back. My mom made a trillion apologies, a trillion more than she should have. The apoligies were for all the people who were there. They were also all about me.

I did not appreciate such treatment, so it was time for me to hit the road.

Again.






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