I stare at the greasy pizza in front of me. Is this really what I chose to eat I think. I look up from my lunch and the commotion of the everyday high school hits me. I hear many different conversations. Some about this. Some about that. Some having an anime battle in the middle of the plaza. In the corner of my eye I see the stormy blue eyes I get lost in, walk past me smiling and laughing with his girlfriend. He furrows his eyebrows then she smacks his arm. He laughs and pulls her in a warm embrace. The first time we hugged comes to mind. Across the way I see that bright white convicting smile that would like up my day, smiling with his group. Enjoying himself. I think about how his football game went last night. It hits me that his birthday was Monday. I think about his birthday last year when I said Happy Birthday and gave him his birthday hits. The way he grabbed my arms before the last hit and pulled me into his chest. I remember the smell of expensive cologne and sweat as he just held me. Then I see y'all mysterious figure pass my table. Wondering eyes and a curious smirk on his face. I remember the way his eyes use to wander across my face and the way I would make that smirk across his face with my antics. Then all of a sudden three figures are hovering before me with pleading eyes. Love us again they beg. I look to my left and see no one by my side. I look to the right and still no one by my side. They edge closer and closer to me. Reaching about to grab me. Slaughtering the person that is space. Then suddenly I'm brought back to the busy buzzing of everyday high school students. I internally laugh at myself for dreaming off into some alternate universe. They have all walked off into their own directions without once glancing at me. I take notice of the hand lightly caressing my shoulder.I look to my left and see eyes that don't sparkle as bright, a smile that isn't as bright as the sun, and an aurora that doesn't make me wonder. I see how his eyes may not be that stormy blue, his smile might not be as straight and white, and his expression may not be as mysterious. I look at a figure that shines with the most love that I could ask for. He looks at me curiously, “you all good?” I look at our intertwined hands and smile. “Yeah I'm just fine.” This is what I decided to do with my life.
October 5, 2017