“Are you sure this will work?” I whispered to Raj, who was standing next to me.
“Positive,” he responded.
I couldn’t detect a bit of worry in his voice. I just wish I could have said the same for myself.
What we were about to do wasn’t as epic as storming a monster infested dungeon to find some magical doo-hickey to save the world, but in my mind, it was just as dangerous.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Before you read any more, I want you to understand one thing. It is extremely crucial that you understand this thing if you want to know why I’m doing what I’m doing.
Here it is: I HATE Chase MCGUFFIN. He is a bratty little bully who thinks he’s better than everyone.
My name is Ray Yeagar. I am in seventh grade at  Redwood Middle School in San Francisco, California. I guess you can say I’m a nerd, too.
But not everything is perfect. Sure, I have a lot of friends and all of my grades are fine (except for math). Two words: Chase McDerp-Head (or his real name, Chase McGuffin, whichever one you’re heart desires). That little brat.
He always makes sure I’m miserable when I’m not near my friends. It has been like this for a few years now. He’s constantly making snide remarks about how I’m not good at math or how I wear Pikachu shirts. It’s just plain annoying.
But this it. The last straw. The final countdown. The end of the line. (Insert more epic-sounding phrases here.) I used to use this journal as a way to write down everything he has said to me, but not anymore. From now on, I’ll be recording my preparation and execution of my product. I’ll school him hard enough to make him think twice about messing with me again.
Thing is, I have no idea how I can get my revenge.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
I have spent at least a day devising multiple plans, most of which ended up being trashed. Before today, my best option was putting ants in his gym clothes. But, that plan went down and my fingers are still sore from where those little things bit me.
I haven’t been able to think of any more ideas, but I may have some help. I met a kid today. His name is Rajesh Tamir Gupta, but everyone calls him Raj. He’s probably the smartest student in school.
He told me he heard from a few of my brainiac friends that I was trying to get revenge. So, he found me.
He told all about his motives. Chase had been bullying him ever since they were little, as they went to the same Elementary School. When Raj got glasses, Chase started doing things like stealing them and throwing them around or just calling him names. Raj has been wanting to get revenge on Derp-Face (a.k.a. Chase) for a while, but he hasn’t because he never had the courage to do it alone. But now, I’m in the picture. I didn’t know how we would make such a great team, but I invited him over tomorrow to plan our revenge.
Friday, May 16, 2014
The meeting went great. Raj is really nice. He’s also really smart and determined. To me, those two traits go together like Oreos and milk.
Speaking of Oreos, he brought a giant pack when he came today. I still have them here.
But that’s not important. We must have spent at least an hour discussing our possible strategies. I think we have the most foolproof plan of all time. It came to me while Raj was telling me about Indian food.
“It’s really spicy,” he explained. “My mom goes to this store that sells all kind of peppers and spicy sauces.”
“I still don’t get how this is supposed to help us get revenge.” I was confused and didn’t know where Raj was going with this.
“I’ll break it down for you.” I could see a mischievous twinkle in Raj’s eyes. “Chase’s lunch plus spicy peppers equals -”
“A fire breathing bully!” I beamed as I cut in. ‘Nuff said.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Last night, Raj and I were making plans to make sure Chase never bullies anyone ever again. I printed out a little slip of paper with this message on it:
“You may think you are cool and funny by bullying people, but you’re really not. If this doesn’t teach you a lesson, nothing will. Signed, the deciders of your fate.”
Intimidating, right? Right?
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Today, I found some news. News that will make are plan a few million times better. Raj is working on a plan to get our sauce into Chase’s lunch, but I’m still doing research on what to do to him. I was looking up some of the spiciest sauces in the world and a found a store that will sell me the world’s spiciest sauce. It’s called “Blair’s 16 Million Reserve”. I found the units used to measure spiciness, and they’re called Scoville Units. This sauce is measured at 16 MILLION SCOVILLE UNITS. That’s about 16 times spicier than a ghost pepper.
Our revenge will be better than ever.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
We have a plan to get the sauce into Chase’s lunch. There’s good news and there’s bad news. Bad news: Chase always brings his lunch from home, so the only way to carry out the plan is to break into his locker and put the sauce in that way. The good news is that Raj was able to find a Universal Key. All of the janitors have one of these keys in case someone can’t unlock their lock. Now that we have one, we can unlock Chase’s locker and give him a spicy surprise.
We don’t have a set date to execute our Order 66. But we do have a plan of action. The next time Chase has to stay after class to talk to the teacher, we will strike.
Monday, May 26, 2014
IT FINALLY HAPPENED!! WE DID IT!
It started during our final period before lunch: Gym. Chase was being a brat after he was eliminated in knockout. He was sent down to the office after he pushed a kid into the bleachers (he’s crazy, right?). Raj and I are in the same gym class, and we knew our chance had finally come. I shuddered, thinking of what could happen if we messed up. I looked back to Raj, and I saw a fire in his eyes that ignited my own desire for revenge.
We were ready.
We walked slowly as we made our way towards our lockers. Raj and I knew that people would be storming in from all directions in a matter of seconds, so we backed off and waited for the hallway to clear out. I don’t know how long it took for everyone to leave, but it felt like an eternity. Chase was still nowhere to be seen when the hallways cleared and Raj met me in front of our final destination.
“Are you sure this will work?” I whispered to Raj, who was standing next to me.
“Positive,” he responded.
I couldn’t detect a bit of worry in his voice. I just wish I could have said the same for myself.
What we were about to do wasn’t as epic as storming a monster infested dungeon to find some magical doo-hickey to save the world, but in my mind, it was just as dangerous.
Time seemed to slow down as Raj quickly unbolted the lock and opened the locker. I wrestled with the lid of the jar as Raj took his lunchbox and took off one the bread slices on his sandwich. I quickly poured on the Blair’s 16 Million Reserve and laid our note inside the lunchbox. We put the box back inside, relocked the locker and split up as we made our way to the cafeteria.
I saw Chase grumpily trudge down the stairs. I shot a look at him and he said, “What’re you lookin’ at?”
I walked off without saying a word, but I was fighting the urge to laugh. I can’t believe we actually did it! I thought as I took my seat next to my friends. I kept throwing cautious glances towards the door, and then at Chase, once he walked through and sat next to his friends.
I looked away. I would know when the deed would actually be done.
Chase took one bite of his sandwich. Then he screamed so loud drowned out the rest of the cafeteria. I watched in awe and glory, but I didn’t let it show. The entire grade suppressed their chuckles as Chase gulped down his entire water bottle. But Chase didn’t know that drinking water is the last thing you want to do when you’ve eaten something spicy. The water doesn’t nullify the spice, it just spreads it around.
Chase screamed again, this time with more desperation. He ran straight out of the cafeteria and into the bathroom, probably to try to rinse out his mouth.
Everyone broke out laughing.
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
I was digging through the mountain of clutter that is my room and I found this old thing. It has been five years since Raj and I played that prank on Chase. We’re still friends. I guess you might be asking these pages, ”What happened after that?”. Well, I’m happy to say that things got much better.
Chase ended up leaving school early because he kept complaining that he felt sick. He went to the hospital and everything was back to normal when he came out. He was back in school the next day, grumpy as ever, but he was really nice to everyone after that. He even got the Citizen of the Month award.
As for me and Raj, things are better than ever. No one was able to trace us back to the incident. Raj graduated as valedictorian and we’re both going to Stanford University for college.
I guess this a happily ever after ending to my spicy adventure. It’s just proof that what goes around comes around.